Achieving Perfection
by closet twilight couger
Summary: Bella is a hot mess of mixed up bitterness and frustration following her breakup with a shady ex and unwanted move, will she adjust to life in Forks or crash and burn. 1st attempt at FF please R&R. AH/AU/Canon couples/adult content/lemons
1. Chapter 1

_Ok, so be honest this is my first attempt at FanFic. I have been lurking for months enjoying reading stories whenever I have a moment, well let's be honest even when I don't have one. I decided to try my hand at writing…so here it is. I apologize in advance for errors; I know they can be distracting. When it comes to **Twilight** I don't own a thing. I just thought it would be fun to give the characters a little shake to jumble them up._

Ugh, moving day! Crap, I can't believe they are forcing me to move. I really hate my parents sometimes. As I watch the city I love disappear in the side view mirror of the U-Haul I am driving I can't help the tears welling in my eyes. –I WILL NOT CRY! I DO NOT CRY!– Just keep thinking this mantra over and over again. I had lived here my entire life. My parents, Charlie and Renee have always tried to give me a good life and I love my life. I can hear their practiced speech now, "this is an amazing opportunity for you to grow as a person and test your perseverance," I call bullshit! Angry Bella is better than sniveling Bella any day –since when do you refer to yourself in the third person, great your turning into a douche, self absorbed much.–

San Diego is beautiful, the weather is almost always amazing and it home to the house I grew up in, my school, my friends, and my boyfriend. I guess I should amend that last part of that statement. At my going away party last night my "boyfriend" decided that it would be better for his last bit of conscience if I set him free, you know with him being a senior, kick-ass football and baseball player, and all around hot commodity. Fuck that, it's not like that ever stopped him from hooking up on the side in the past. I swear I hate him for everything he has put me through, but he was my friend and lover, not to mention, is my first love. I guess he figured it would be too hard to make sure I followed the rules when I'm more than 1300 miles away, course he only came to this conclusion last night after he fucked me sideways as he licked the sweat from the valley between my tits, he sure is one hell of pillow talker that douche! –Grr I can't do the heart broken ex-girlfriend thing right now. Today is going to be hard enough as it is and tears will not be happening. –I WILL NOT CRY! I DO NOT CRY!– Pull it together Bella, you can't drive this monstrosity and be a little bitch at the same time.

Fuck Charlie and his great ideas, my consolation prize for moving just before my 16th birthday, "this will be a great time for you to get practice hours with your permit, and good experience driving the U-Haul." What kind of crack-headed idea is that, ooh let's make it even better lets trap you in the cab for 24 straight hours with Renee so I don't have to put up with her in the Cherokee, I swear I saw that thought cross his mind when he told me. Fuck that, I'm not the one who married her! I love my mom but she is such a flake and everything I don't want to be. Mom and dad had gone through a rough patch in their marriage this last year, while my dad was traveling to his home town to spend time with his dying mother, Grandma Swan. I'm going to miss Grandma Swan; even though I hated the dismal town she lived in I loved her very much and cherished my time spent with her. It sucked that her funeral and services took place the same week as finals I feel so guilty that I didn't get to say good-bye. –Fuck me, I WILL NOT CRY! I DO NOT CRY!–

Of course dad would spend his time chumming it up in the town that worshiped his athletic awesomeness as a star high school football player. Why wouldn't he want to return to the town in which he enjoyed so much glory? He couldn't wait two years, I'm sure Forks isn't gonna fall off the map in the time it takes me to finish high school? No the old police chief would croak from a heart attack during one of his many visits. The town jumped to offer him the Chief of police position. Charlie convinced Renee, of course convincing Renee only took a shiny object moving up and down while he asked her. They seemed to believe that it was just the thing to fix their ailing marriage; he always wanted to return to small town life and was eager to take up the opportunity. It's too bad Renee didn't have the balls or mental fortitude to admit she didn't want to move anymore than I did, she fit in with the granola-holistic-beach life. Honestly, I think the bump in their marriage was that she fucked her life coach, Phil. It was a desperate house wife of San Diego year for her and her resulting eagerness to please dad was her assuaging some of her guilt. Charlie was not that he was a hard man to please, a warm dinner and hanging out on the couch watching sports, while Renee yearns for a free-living, hippie-dippy lifestyle. It's not that I don't love Renee but sometimes she can be such a pain in my ass.

Neither paid any mind to the fact that they would be uprooting me smack in the middle of high school. I worked very hard for my semblance of perfection I had achieved. I made the varsity basketball team as a freshman and had lettered both freshman and sophomore year and had already been offered a starting position for junior year. I was competitive in just about every aspect of my life, I took only AP classes and was pulling a solid 'A' average at one of the top prep schools in the country, landed leading roles in at least one musical and one play each year, through years of piano lessons I am a decent pianist and taught myself to play guitar, completed double the prep required community service each year. I was positive I would have my pick of Universities when the time came.

I moved effortlessly between crowds at school – which is no small feat when surrounded by 800 hormonal, rich, spoiled little girls. I have spent the last two years at Our Lady of Grace, a catholic prep school for girls, it was like an estrogen packed bomb most days, a very unhealthy combination princesses playing mean girls while acting out girls gone wild scenes. But that is what you get when you have that many broads locked up on a closed campus with angry nuns. I was good though, I had my two besties, Jaci and Lucy. I had known Jaci since my very first day of school ever; I walked in to Ms. Bridge's first grade classroom scared and shy. Jaci walked right up to me and said, "Hi, I'm Jaci! I don't know anyone in here so we are gonna be best friends!" We were, from that day forward, she and I were inseparable. It helps when you go to private schools that only have one class for every grade from K-8. There is no awkward shuffling in to a new school and disconnection from your elementary friends when you get middle school. We applied, tested and were accepted to the all girls prep so we got to stick together in high school as well.

At prep we added our third as Lucy became an integral part of dynamic. We all had very different tastes but we worked. Jaci, unlike her younger self, was quite, shy and artistic after her dad died in 6th grade. It's funny she brought me out of my shell when she met me, but I made it my mission to bring her out of hers when she retreated in on herself when her dad died. Jaci stood a full 5 feet tall while in her doc's, she maybe weighed 90 pounds with long curly black hair and dark soulful eyes. Lucy was our "I love Lucy" loud, erratic, crazy, sexy and just plain fun. She was average height for a girl, about 5'5" with a perpetual tan, golden hair, bright blue eyes, luscious curves and perfect DSLs – the epitome of a California girl. I was intimidating to most at my 5'10" height, I have always had a great rack, but definitely an athletic build, playing every sport available has a tendency to define what is usually soft on most girls. I was a jock because I was born an only child and a girl much to Charlie's chagrin. I was always looking for ways to make up for the fact that I was born with a vag. I think I tried my hand at almost every sport; soccer, volleyball, golf, track, swimming, softball and basketball, of course ballet, tap and piano lessons were thrown into the mix to appease Renee. After elementary school only basketball and piano stuck. I had boring muddy brown eyes and matching long brown hair, living in sunny southern California did me no good because of my annoyingly fair complexion that always failed to tan. Jaci blended into the background unless it was just the three of us, Lucy made an entrance everywhere we went, and I think, I intimidated people into playing nice with us. We could complete eachothers thoughts and there was little I didn't share with them, they knew just about everything there is to know about me and I them. They are my girls, my support system, my best friends, and now what? I get to move to nowhere, go to a new school, god help me a coed public school in which I will know exactly 0 people. Fuck my life. –I WILL NOT CRY! I DO NOT CRY!–

It's not just my girls I'm gonna miss, there is Jake. He is not perfect but he is pretty damn close, and no matter his flaws I love him. Little did I know when we met in the middle of my freshman year that he would become such a vital component of my life. He quickly became the son Charlie always wanted, and to Renee he was the living memory of dad as the hot jock in high school. He was a varsity football and baseball player. He was a fuck hot, well built sophomore with exotic eyes; they were almond shaped and black as night. Jake had smooth olive skin covering every inch of his rock hard body with broad shoulders leading to those muscular arms with well defined legs and that scrumptious baseball induced bubble butt. –Why do all baseball players have such nice asses they make you want to take a bite out of them like a red delicious? Yumm! I digress. – Jake had a huge infectious smile. He may not have been perfect but he was my perfect match; Jake is fuck hot at 6'4", athletic, an excellent student, the picture of manners around adults, and don't forget fuck hot. –Is it wrong that I am getting wet thinking about him while sitting in the cab of a moving van with my mom right next to me? Renee. Well what do you know she is the cure for what gets you wet!– It wasn't long after I met him that he made me his girl. I say his girl because other guys know better than to touch or talk to what belongs to Jake, he has always been so protective of me. Usually, his own friends were only allowed to talk to me when he needed me to be distracted while he entertained one of his many groupies, I learned quickly it was not something that was up for debate. Fuck me; I can't do woe is me today! It is too hard to be angry with my parents for moving if I remember why I should be glad.

I think I spent enough time in my own head. Maybe if I am a big enough pain in the ass Renee will switch places with dad or I can always work up one hell of a guilt trip for the remaining…oh fuck me we have only been on the road for a little over an hour and a half, just under 21 hours to go, woohoo! I think I can see the sarcasm oozing from my pores. This is going to be the longest trip of my life; better yet I can make it the longest trip of Renee's life. It's not that I want to be a bitter pain in the ass but damn it someone else should have to join me in my misery as I leave behind everything I have worked so hard to achieve to go some place where I have nothing and no one. How far is Forks-middle-of-butt-fuck-nowhere I need to be in the fetal position right now?

_What can I say my Bella is neurotic, hot mess right now. She really needs to get out of her own head. Should I continue?_


	2. Chapter 2

_Sooo sorry for the many posts on this chapter, I was experiencing technical difficulties. Thank you to anyone who has read my first chapter, I hope someone is enjoying this. So here is Chapter 2, it will include a quick cameo by Carlisle, Emmitt and the One with bronze JBF hair. I apologize for the slow start, but I feel the need for some background. So, since I jump around a lot between what's happening around Bella and what's happening in her head, I have decided to put the inner monologue in italics and real life in standard text. _

**I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

_**I was driving a big rig, hauling logs, bopping along to Hard Travelin' by the Kingston Trio. Then it hit me this was my life for all my aspirations in high school I became a truck driver? I told them they were ruining my life by moving to Forks, I wonder if they now realize I was right? How did I end up here? I could feel the tears welling in my eyes as I looked out into the side view mirror. I opened my mouth to scream…**_

My would-be scream woke me from the horrid dream; I was covered in sweat. I raked my hands across my face; it felt smooth and seemed to return to its natural position when I pulled on the skin. I jumped out of bed staring at my reflection in the mirror on my desk. I still looked like me; well, maybe with the exception of the bags and puffy red eyes. _That can't be my future, my reflection in the dream had saggy, weathered skin with discolorations marking my face, fuck, I only saw my face but it sure looked like I had been rode hard and put away wet a few too many times._ Shuddering I turned away from the mirror to look out the window.

It was grey and wet outside, reminding me of where I was, Forks. Turning to the clock it was already 6. _I don't have to be at school until 8, thanks to my new home and school it won't take me 3 interstates and an hour and a half of rush hour traffic to get there, so I should have more than enough time._ The memory of the last couple of days flashed in my mind as I readied myself and set out for my morning run...

"You really don't get it do you? You are ruining my life; I have worked very hard doing well in school, balancing friends, Jake, basketball and all my other commitments. Do you really think the type of schools I want to go to are gonna come looking for me in the middle of nowhere? I'll probably end up at some crappy state school, maybe I can major in under water basket weaving, make my way on to a few volumes of 'Girls Gone Wild.'" _Ok maybe I'm being a tad melodramatic, but damn it I think I'm entitled._ "Ooh, or better yet I can skip school, live with you and dad and wait tables at the diner. I guess I should stop by a shelter and pick out my first cat it's not like I'm gonna have any friends or life in Forks I'll have plenty of time to dote on my new baby. No wait, I'll get two cats, a boy and a girl they can pop out a few litters. That way by the time you and dad pass away I will already have solidified my position in town as the lonely old cat lady. God knows I probably won't have sex again, thank you for that mother. My vag thanks you too. I bet dad will be happy when it shrivels up with cob webs inside from the lack of use. I guess I don't need these anymore!" Rummaging through my purse I chucked my birth control out the window somewhere on I-5.

I succeeded in inducing a full blown panic attack complete with tears streaming down my face. _So much for that not gonna cry mantra._ I was trying to slow my freak-out when Renee handed me a bottle of water. She never took her eyes off the road as she drove. When my hiccups slowed and I caught my breath she looked over at me with barely veiled disappointment. That was not a look I was accustomed to seeing from either of my parents, I knew I had pushed my tantrum too far.

"Isabella Marie Swan." _Eek my name as a statement, that's never good. _"Stop it, that is enough! I have listened to you bitch, whine and bemoan without complaint for the last ten hours. I understand you feel this move is inconveniencing you, but guess what, you are not the first person to relocate during high school, you're not the last and you **will** survive. You can make this the best experience or you can make it the worst. You are in control; your attitude is what will determine ability to make friends, achieve your goals, and find happiness."

_Wow, I can't believe her. _It took me a moment to pull myself together. I closed my slackened jaw, clenching it for a moment, and then crossed my arms before I said, "Fine, I choose to be miserable then!" That was the last thing I said during the move. We stopped for the night shortly after that at a Courtyard by Marriott. _Of course, it's a Marriott. Renee has to earn her points for her hair-brained plan to earn enough Marriott reward points to spend a month in Europe using only reward points to pay for the rooms._ I slept like the dead that night, got up the next day showered dressed and jumped back in the truck. Still refusing to speak, thank god for Renee's chronic case of TB (tiny bladder) I didn't even have to speak to request potty breaks. _I am acting like a complete and total shit, but whatever aren't teenagers supposed to act like shits with their parents?_ At some point in time Renee couldn't take the quiet, one sided conversations anymore so she traded places with Charlie. Charlie was ok with the silence even if it was tense. He put his trusty travel mix CD in the cheep ass stereo system and lost himself in the miles we covered listening to the Kingston Trio.

I was tempted to sing along several times, it reminded me of a normal road trip with my family. _Dad has always played the K Trio when we traveled, Renee and I would sing along with the silly folk music laughing the whole time. Charlie would join us once the silliness finally overtook him. It always seemed to make the time pass more quickly._ I could feel my foot tapping to the beat of 'Everglades', but stopped when Charlie stole a quick glanced at the floorboard with a smirk. _Oh yeah, I almost forgot I'm currently in full-on pout mode, 'cause that is sure to make them change their minds about the move._ Charlie just sighed at me and we finished our drive to our new home not saying a word to each other listening to his favorite travel music play over and over again.

It was late the Thursday night before Labor Day weekend, when we pulled into the driveway of our now current home, grandma's house. I grabbed my bag and headed up the stairs. I walked into my new room; it was comfortable and familiar. I always stayed in this room when we visited. I pulled out my iPod, plugged in my headphones, found my playlist titled "People with Daddy Issues" and hit play. After I changed into boxers and a tank I grabbed my phone and sent a quick message home.

**-Hey guys just got in. I MISS U GUYS! If i run away will u take me in? :-(**

**Jaci – Aw babe it can't be that bad, u just got there. U know ur always welcome here!**

**Lucy – The guest house is waiting. We miss u too. *Kisses***

There wasn't really much else to say, I was sad and missing home but I really didn't feel like crying again. My chest began to tighten thinking about my current situation. I hated that I felt so alone and disconnected from everyone. I really wanted to talk to Jake. I stared at his face and number wishing I had the balls to push call. As the opening cords of Better Man played through my ear buds I turned the screen off and curled up in a ball and willing myself to sleep.

I awoke Friday morning with the intent of putting my big-girl panties on and speaking to my parents again. I showered quickly, dressed in some yoga pants and a jogging tank. I figured I could grab a quick bite and help Charlie unload the truck. Thankfully we didn't bring much furniture; there was no need really with grandma's house already fully furnished. Renee did insist on her own chachkies and shit because as she said, "Charlie, I love your mother and that house, but I'm neither post-menopausal nor pushing seventy. I refuse to live in a house with all those doilies. Crochet was not meant to be a decor theme it's only good for afghans. Besides your mother's porcelain friends give me the creeps." So we packed up all Renee's crap to swap it out with grandma's crap, _I guess we should store grandma's crap it will come in handy during my future my lonely cat lady days, sorry grandma._ I couldn't help but snort quietly and shake my head as I walked down the stairs. My light mood faded quickly when Renee spoke,

"You ready to go?"

"Uh...outside, to unload the truck? Sure."

"No, nice try my dear but we have to run by the school to pick up your schedule. You'll need to for class on Tuesday."

"No, I'm not ready and I don't think I will be any time soon," I huffed, running back upstairs to grab my iPod then bolting out the front door before Renee could stop me.

I took off down the street. It had been a few days since I'd had the opportunity to go running, it would be good to stretch my legs after the long drive and clear my head. I didn't really have a planed route but I figured it would be really hard to get lost. As I ran, I took note that it only took a couple of minutes before I was upon the school, I thought about hitting the track but I could see football practice was winding down. _Football, Jake, friends, home, suddenly the idea of running around in circles with yhe constant stream of crap running through my head didn't sound appealing._ Pushing on I detoured around the field back to the main road. I passed the grocery store and the diner. W_onder if they're hiring? Maybe someone in there will know where the animal shelter is located, gotta get me some kitties. A cat lady needs cats. _*shudder* I came across a park, I ran around the far end hugging the outer edge of the forest. I my eyes filled with tears, blurring my vision, it hurt to watch kids playing together. _All my happy kid memories were tied in with Jaci. I'm sure small town life is a lot like private school. You see the same kids year after year. There is not a constant stream of new faces so the friends you had in Kindergarten are your still your friends in high school. Would a new face even be welcomed. Tuesday will be the first day in my life I enter a school without Jaci at my side._ Just then I noticed a happy couple walking hand in hand wrapped up in each other. _Sure, 'cause you're not miserable enough as it is. Is it possible I am in some twisted version of the Truman Show, Ed Harris is in a control room somewhere trying to break me I know it. _I looked up briefly to the sky. _Damn you Harris, do I not seem miserable enough for your viewers. Good god, I need to communicate with people again, I am so wrapped up in my own head I am taking narcissism to a whole new level. _In my own defense the happy couple makes me wonder if, _I would ever have love again_. Ugh I could feel that awful pain in my chest again. Shut up, by Simple Plan started playing, I decided to follow the advice and "shut up, shut up, shut up," because even I don't want to hear my inner monologue anymore. Eventually, after it felt like I made my way down every street in town, I headed back home.

When I rounded the corner on our street I realized, Renee was gone and dad seemed to be about half way finished unloading. _Now I feel like an ass, poor guy's probably gonna have a heart attack doing it all by himself. It is really hard to keep up the petulant child act, I feel so guilty for being a snot, but I can't seem to stop myself._ I walked around to the side of the garage to stretch, my legs felt good, a little rubbery with a hint of burn from the lack of use the last few days but good. My pony tail was lose, so I pulled the rubber band out bent over and shook my hair out before recapturing it into a messy bun. I saw a pair of unfamiliar sneaker clad feet between my legs just as I was about to right myself. I jumped back pulling the ear buds from my head with one hand grabbing my chest with the other.

"Oh my god, you scared the fuck out of me!" I yelped as I turned around. _Fuck me! That is one hot cup of chocolate sauce. I have never seen eyes that vivid in their greenness, beautifully bronzed JBF hair, I just want to grab it and direct those perfectly formed lips to another set of lips. I can only imagine what those lips could do, mhmm. Down girl, control yourself. Thank god I said I was scared I didn't want to try and explain why my eyes popping out of my head_. I heard a snicker coming from the sex on legs in front of me, my eyes automatically setting into a glare.

"Scared the 'fuck' out of you, eh? Well now, we can't have that. Maybe someone needs to put the 'fuck' back into you," said Sex on Legs with a suggestive wink.

_I think I just came in my pants with his suggestion, yes please!_

"It's sweet of you to offer, pal, but seeing as I don't have a clue as to who the fuck you are or what you are doing here, I'm gonna have to pass, Romeo." I responded with fake politeness as I turned around. _I would love nothing more than to bend over and grab ankle while Sex on Legs introduced himself to me._

"Aw, sweetie, that wasn't an offer. I was just pointing out the obvious, it looks like you could use a good fuck; it would wipe that scowl off your face. Besides after the way you eye fucked me we both know if it was an offer, there's no way you'd pass _this_ up." At the sound of his voice I turned back to him and he finished his statement with a grand flourish. The overdramatic hand gesture would make Vanna White jealous, not to mention his sexily raised eyebrow and wicked smirk.

_That cocky mother fucker…did I just call his eyebrow sexy…did he say my face was pretty...ugh focus. I wasn't even able to fully appreciate the embarrassment from being called out on my gawking, I responded with the only thing my miffed mind could come up with at the moment,_ "Fuck you!" _stellar word smithing Swan, that'll show him, cue eye roll. S_o to further prove my point two matching middle fingers shot up. _Fuckin' Sex on Legs cracked a grin…I need to work on that name, it's too long…Sex on Legs...SOL hmm, pronounced like soul – no, pronounced like Saul. Yes, Saul, I like it. It's a douche-y-assed name to matches his douche-y-assed all knowing smirk. _I was so caught up in dubbing Sir Sex on Legs, Saul that I didn't notice Charlie had caught the tail end of that conversation, and was currently turning red and waiving angry hands in my face. _Shit._

"What is wrong with you, Bella? First, you don't speak for two days then when you do you decide to attack some innocent dude," Charlie gestured toward Saul. "Dr. Cullen and his boys were kind enough to help me unload today, the least you can do is treat them with some common courtesy, would a 'thank you' be asking too much? I really think you need to think about the person you have always been and compare her the person you are quickly becoming." Charlie finished his rant in a sad, low voice with a disappointed shake of his head.

I couldn't help but gape at him, Charlie might as well have slapped me across my face, his words and disappointment stung as if he had. I was at a loss for what to do, so I just continued looking between my dad, Saul, and the two guys standing behind him. _Audrina Patridge said it best 'Awkward.'_ Saul just furrowed his brow at my dad and me, I'm sure he was wondering what to make of us. _Now I feel like even more of an ass_. Dr. Cullen had a sympathetic look on his face. _I'm sure he is feeling sorry for my dad while compiling a short list of mental health professionals._ The other son was really big guy, _he reminds me of Jake_, he gave me a timid smile that formed matching dimples on his cheeks, his eyes looked sad almost like he wanted to give me a hug. _Crap that just makes me want to cry._

"I…" I was about to apologize for my behavior but Charlie cut me off and apologized on my half. I'm sure he figured I would just embarrass him further. Instead, with a quivering chin, I nodded briefly at the Cullen men and retreated into the house. I walked directly into my room fighting the urge to cry, scream and hit something all at the same time. _Best first impression ever. I'm sure my dad is patting Saul on the back explaining I wasn't always such a bitch. I just lost my mind during the drive north. Dimples probably wanted to give Saul a hug not me, I just projected my need at the moment for Jake-like arms to wrap around me. I bet Dr. Cullen is suggesting the name of a good shrink to Charlie._ I don't think Charlie has ever reprimanded me, certainly never in public. I could feel the tears threatening, so I grabbed a change of clothes darting into the shower to cry alone. I stayed in the shower long after the water ran cold. My muscles were cooled and stiff when I finally stood up wiping my face one last time and turning off the water. The house was full of boxes but devoid of both the Cullens and Charlie by the time I emerged from the bathroom.

I found Renee working on the den; she looked at me and asked if I wanted to talk about it. I shook my head, "I'm just gonna grab a water and then get to work on my room, tell Charlie I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend Dr. Cullen or his children."

"Sweetie, your dad and I love you, we realize this is difficult for you but you have to give it a chance. I picked up your schedule it is on your desk. Everything will work out, just give Forks a chance. Telling the first person you meet here to 'fuck off' isn't the best way to get started."

With that I held my hand up to stop her from continuing, it wasn't even worth trying to explain how I got to the 'fuck you,' I walked into the kitchen to grab a water to hide out in my room again. I didn't come out of my room for dinner. Neither Charlie nor Renee knocked on my door that night. They either wanted to give me my space or figured I deserved my self-inflicted punishment for all my crap the last couple of days.

Saturday, after my run I helped my mom 'de-old-lady' the house, while Charlie checked in at the station. We worked to the music she often played around the house a mix of cheesy 80's music and classic rock. For once she didn't push to have a conversation about my feelings. Charlie brought a pizza home for dinner; I gave him a tentative smile hoping to convey with my eyes how sorry I was about yesterday, he returned my smile with what looked like an apology of his own in his eyes. Just like that Charlie and I were good again.

Sunday and Monday I tried to get back into my usually routine, starting my day with a morning run. I spent most of Monday afternoon on the phone crying to Jaci and Lucy about everything from the dreaded drive up to long lonely weekend with my parents. They were nursing hangovers from the end of summer parties while I licked my emotional wounds. They reminded me of my awesomeness, and assured me I could take over Forks high if I put my mind to it. Lucy was ecstatic for me at the prospect of free dress. I just couldn't muster the enthusiasm she had, even if I had been wearing a uniform for the last ten years. After I got off the phone, I broke down and emailed Jake.

_**Jake-**_

_**This place sucks. I can't even comprehend how to start adjusting to the changes, let alone accept that this is my life now. It is cloudy, wet, too quiet, lonely and just plain miserable. Right now I am trying to calm my nerves about starting over at this stupid school tomorrow. **_

_**When I think about what the possibilities of what my day will hold the only thing I know for sure is: at the end of it when I walk out of my last class you will not be there waiting for me. I won't be going to your game Friday night. There will be no post game pizza with the gang at Mr. G's. No bon fire at the beach. Nothing is ever going to be the same is it? **_

_**I know we are not doing the boyfriend/girlfriend thing but I miss you. It's like everything changed all at once. In one day I walked away from everything I have ever known. Tomorrow I will start at a new school. I am living in a new home, in a new town. I have no support here, no friends, and most difficult to accept, no you. After all my tantrums I think, at this point, even Charlie and Renee have given up on me. It's just too much. I want my life back.**_

_**Enough about my shit, there was a reason I decided to write you. I really wanted to say; I love you, I miss you and good luck with what I am sure will be the best year of your life so far. You will have the most amazing year, I am sure of it. You will have Notre Dame knocking at your door before you know it, enjoy everything that comes you way this year, you deserve it. It's your time to shine; it's your senior year!**_

_**Love you, love, me**_

While I was in the shower, I was thinking about the email I sent to Jake. Suddenly there was hope for a little bit of home before embarking on what was sure to be a god awful day. I ran to my phone to see if he had replied, nope, nada, nothing. Feeling dejected all over again, I got up to rummage though my closet.

_Fuck, what the hell does someone wear to the first day of school if not wearing a plaid skirt, white button down, thigh highs and docs? I've never had to do this before. I should have watched crappy teen movies this weekend for research purposes. What do 'normal' high school aged kids wear to school? I could go 'Janey Boggs' a la Not Another Teen Movie, damn me for not having paint stained overalls. Ha, better yet I should have had some self love this morning rather than a run I would be less anxious about today. Fuck pull yourself together woman, it's already, 7:30 you have no clue what to wear, you still have to do something with your hair and cover up the bags under your eyes or Bella the trucker's ugly mug is gonna become a reality too soon. What I wouldn't give for a uniform right now...hmm...no, I doubt it would pass for preppy chic – too authentic. Do people actually have to figure this shit out daily? Close your eyes and grab._

Walking down the stairs I slung my backpack over my shoulder. Renee was in the kitchen with Charlie.

"Morning sweetie, you look…comfy…and good, you look good. I made French toast, grab a plate and eat quickly and I'll run you to school."

_Fuck, way to crap on what little sense of confidence I had left after my closet meltdown. I had finally settled on black leggings, black ballet flats and a ¾ sleeve plaid flannel baby doll shirt. I was hoping to draw comfort from the familiarity in wearing something plaid, besides I figured I'd blend a bit with the flannel being in the Pacific Northwest. Course it's not 1995 but trends take longer to reach small town America right. _I had time for a quick pat around my eyes with benefit's lemon aid, a swipe of eye liner and mascara but not nearly enough time to straighten my hair so I let it dry naturally, so it was combination of wavy and curly brown tresses. I shot her a dirty look, grabbed a piece of French toast and a tumbler of coffee.

"Thanks mother, but I will be just fine walking to school. It's bad enough I will be the new kid, do I really need my mommy walking me in to my first class?" I rolled my eyes at Renee, and gave Charlie a quick kiss on the cheek and was out the door.

"Good luck," they shouted at me as I made my way down the driveway.

About halfway to school I was kicking myself for turning Renee down. Not that walking was a problem, but I was sure I was going to be late. _Granted I am in boonies a.k.a. Forks, I am positive that at least one of the fuckers here has a clock that they eventually learned how to read._ Laughing to myself I heard the bell ring as I made it to the parking lot. _Yep I'm late; the first impressions just keep getting better._ I navigated my way over to AP Calculus. _I hate math, but an AP packed schedule is good for college applications._ With a quick pause and deep breath, I opened the door to my first class of my first day of my junior year at a new school in a new town. With my shoulders back and head held high, I walked through the door.

**Ok so we just got to the first day of school, but we did kind of have a meeting with Edward. Things should pick up now that school is in session. If anyone is reading this please review, this is my first FF I would love feedback. Good, bad and everything in between. **


	3. Chapter 3

**None of the recognizable characters or situations are mine they are the property of Stephanie Meyer, I am just jumbling the story up a bit for fun, there are no copyright infringements intended.**

I took one step through the door and instantly felt all eyes on me. I quickly scanned the room looking for an open seat, hoping to disengage the room's attention as fast as possible.

"So happy you decided to join us…Ms. Swan, I assume," at the sound of the hostile voice I looked to the front of the class room where Mr. Varner was glaring. "We begin class at Fork's High at 8:05 AM, I see this is an inconvenience for you, but I will expect you to make it to class prior to the final bell each morning." _Fuck, way to start off on the right foot._ "This is an Advance Placement class; the students in here have demonstrated they have the knowledge, ability and desire to learn above and beyond the expectations of a standard high school calculus program." _No shit._ "I will not allow your lack of consideration to interfere with my students' learning. If you cannot make it to class on time, don't bother coming." _Christ, this windbag is a dick._ "There is a seat left by my desk in the back. If today is any indication of your work ethic, I'm sure I will be happy for the opportunity to better monitor you." _Motherfucker, did he just insinuate that I was not only too dumb to be in this class and not to be trusted to not to cheat. Where does he get off, fuckin' self-important douche._ With that he returned his attention to the class, continuing his discussion of his syllabi.

I was making my way over to the only open seat, while trying to pick my jaw up off the ground. I couldn't even find it in me to look around the room, I was utterly stunned, _well I never_, stupid idiom kept playing over and over in my head. But seriously, I have never had a teacher speak to me that way before. Teachers fucking love me; I am a model student for fuck's sake. So what, I am the first person to **ever** be late to one of his classes? I could feel the flush on my skin; it wasn't so much embarrassment as it was anger. I don't think I've ever wanted to punch a teacher in the face so badly in my life but that is exactly the sentiment Mr. Varner_, no Vile, the vile excuse for an educator, dick much _brought out in me_. _I was enjoying the mental picture of Mr. Vile with blood gushing out of his nose, when I heard a soft clearing of my neighbor's throat.

I looked over at her and nodded. She was a mousy looking girl, but her eyes and smile seemed genuine. She quickly scribbled something on her notebook and removed her hand so that I could read it.

-Don't worry, not everyone here is as big of a dick at Mr. V. (0:

I nodded again and gave her a smile and a quick wink. I wasn't about to tempt Vile into another tantrum on my behalf. She seemed to understand and wrote another message.

-By the way, I'm Angela, welcome to Forks.

At this point I was feeling a little rude not really responding to her attempts at initiating a conversation with me. As I picked up my pen to respond to Angela, I heard Vile direct his attention to me again.

"Ms. Swan, I know I prepared my students to undertake this class, however, you are another story. Would you mind completing the solution to the problem on the board, I'm sure you recognize it requires you to find the limits of the function as x approaches a constant." Vile finished his request with a nasty, condescending tone. _Bitch_

_Fuck me._ I stood and quickly made my way to the white board. _Shit Bells you can do this, think, remember. He is only trying to fuck with you. Ha, and here you were worried about interacting with the student population in this shithole._ I managed to quiet my snort as I walked passed Vile. It took me a few minutes and a couple of erasures but I found my solution. I was about to make my way back to my desk when Vile, now seeming a little more miffed spoke.

"Correct. It seems the sun in southern California didn't leach all the information out of your head, can you solve this equation?"

_What the fuck. _You would think I was intentionally goading him by arriving at the correct answer. "Yes, sir." I was barely able to squeeze the words out between my locked jaw. I was staring at the board; the problem was slightly out of focus through the red haze of my anger. I had yet to put the maker to the board in an attempt to work through the problem. Vile took this as his cue,

"Ms. Swan, are you unfamiliar with how to solve problems involving the integration of exponential functions?" I was turning my body towards him; I could feel my hand shaking with my death like grip on the marker.

"Excuse me Mr. Varner, but is it necessary for you to conduct an assessment of the new girl during a regular class period? Couldn't you make her come back on her own time?" asked a deep, rich baritone voice from someone in the class behind me.

My teeth snapped together, as I turned around to find the owner of the voice. My eyes flashed across the room looking for someone willing to make eye contact with me. That's when my eyes meet the twin emeralds belonging to Saul. _I think I would like to punch him in the face too. Pretty boy doesn't think I can do it either…I'll show him what I can…_Vile pulled me from my internal musings.

"Your right Mr. Cullen, we shouldn't allow Ms. Swan to further disrupt our learning environment. Ms. Swan, perhaps we should set up a time with the counselor to discuss your continued placement in this class." As Vile concluded his thoughts, he gave a smile and nod to Saul.

As I returned to my seat, I continued to glare at Saul. _Fuck Saul, he maybe sex on legs but right now I would rather have his head on a stick._ Saul winked at me and gave me a smirk. _A wink and a smirk, really? _Sure that may have melted my butter a few days ago, but now that just added fuel to my already raging fire of anger. _Saul, he doesn't deserve to be my sex on legs anymore. I officially re-dub the…Hoss, for head on a stupid stick._ Class ended shortly after I chopped off Hoss' head in my fantasy and mounted it on a stupid stick. Vile reminded me of my need to visit with him after school as I gathered my stuff. I was slinging my bag over my shoulder when Angela spoke.

"Hi again, so officially, I'm Angela."

"Hi, sorry about earlier, I was hoping to avoid drawing unnecessary attention to myself…best laid plans and all."

"No problem, your Isabella Swan right?

"Bella. Please, just call me Bella, nice to meet you."

"So Bella, what class do you have next?"

"Um…U.S. History and you?"

"A.P.?"

"No, I was told there wasn't enough seats in that class to accommodate me so just regular U.S."

"Oh, well I'd be happy to point you in the right direction, it's near my class."

"Thanks Angela, that would be great, I would hate to piss off another teacher this morning." I finished my statement in a low voice not necessarily intending for her to hear me. Angela chuckled quietly as we walked down the hall.

I had never been the new girl before, so I wasn't sure if it was all my imagination, but I swear I was hearing repeated references to me "…new girl…California…new chief's daughter…" I never heard complete comments just bits and pieces, but from what I could gather they knew who I was and why I was here. _Good for them, I don't have a clue who the fuck they are; right now it's 50/50 whether I want to. If they're like my newly dubbed Hoss, no thank you. If they are like Angela, maybe._

"Well this is me, but your class is at the end of the hall on your right. I don't know if you already have plans, but if we don't have another class together before then, look for me at lunch, I'll introduce you around."

"I look forward to it, I'll see you then, and Angela, thanks again." With that she turned into her room and I continued down the hall. I walked into history class and picked my seat in the back corner near an exit. _1. Better to have a wall than people at your back, especially when you're in a room in which you trust no one. 2. Make note of any and all exits, plan for quick and direct escape if necessary. 3. Keep a watchful eye open for unsavory types._ My mental checklist made me smile; I instinctively reached for my phone. Jake had some seriously absurd rules, but these three were sweet. He repeated them to me almost every time we went out to an unfamiliar location or partying. I know he only taught me to survey my surroundings to keep me safe. I looked at my email account again and still no response from Jake. _Well I put it out there; he obviously isn't missing me like I miss him._ With a dejected sigh I continued to eye my new classmates. I was the object of quite a few stares but no one tried to initiate a conversation, but I did notice a tall, scruffy guy eye me up and down with a slight nod in my direction. Not exactly sex on legs but his piercing blue eyes made me feel exposed, and his dirty blond hair, chiseled jaw looking like it was in need of a hot shave gave off an aura of danger. _Mommy likes, yum, kind of reminds me of a leaner version of Mr. Brad Pitt a la __True Romance__. Hmm, I'd love to take a puff on his honey bear bong._ Thankfully, Mr. Docker's waddle to the front of the classroom drew my attention from the fantasy blowy I was giving Honey Bear. Mr. Docker was of the large mammal variety, he was wearing glasses that looked like they were first purchased in the early 80's, there was sweat glistening around his brow and neck. _God I hope there is no reason for him to lift his arms, cause I am sure there are nasty-ass pit stains under there. I think…_sniff_…no I can smell the faint aroma of frying grease emanating from his pores, dude seriously how does one get that large. _

I dutifully took out a notebook to take notes should Mr. Docker say anything of importance. Half way though his spiel on class goals for the year, and expectations he mentioned there would be a term paper due this spring sometime, on a topic covered during the course. _Could you be anymore vague?_ I hated to be the kiss ass but not having parameters would drive me insane, even if I did have almost all year to work on the damn paper. I raised my hand.

"Yes Ms…"

"Swan, Bella. Um, the term paper you mentioned, are you going to be assigning the topic? What is the page or word limit/requirement? Do you prefer endnotes, footnotes or parenthetical citations? Is there a school policy or is it at your discretion as far as format, APA, MLA…" I would have continued my questions but I noticed everyone in the room was staring at me.

"Uh, Ms. Swan…would you mind packing up your things and following me outside the room for a moment?"

"Yes, Sir." I wasn't sure what to make of the situation. Docker didn't seem upset and I couldn't see how my questions were anything to punish so I did as I was told. 

"Bella, I realize you're new, but do you mind telling me why you are in my class?" _What the fuck?_

"Pardon me; it is my understanding that U.S. History is a required course. Is it not?"

"No, I mean…it is required…Can I see your schedule?"

"Sure." I reached into my bag to retrieve the paper. _Speaking of bongs, what the fuck is this cat smoking._

"Hmm…I see you are taking AP Cal, Lit, and Bio. Is there a reason you opted not to take AP history as well?"

"They told my mother there was not enough room for me in the class."

"Well…the thing is, I'm not sure my class would be a good fit for you. I think…I…I'll tell you what, wait here for a moment and I will be right back."

"Ok." At that he waddled back into his class room. I looked up and down the deserted hall not sure what I was waiting for exactly.

"Bella, I think this will be best for you and the rest of my class, please take this note to Mrs. Cope in the main office and she will square everything away for you."

"Um, ok, sure…thanks?" I started toward the office and once I was sure I was out of eye sight I stopped to open the note.

_Linda,_

_I am not sure how Ms. Swan ended up in my class but she most definitely doesn't belong here. Please make sure she is put onto Mader's AP roster. I don't need her intimidating the other students, it is hard enough to get though to them without the likes of her in the room. I owe you one._

_-John_

I stood there unable to take a step for a moment. _Did I really just get kicked out of a class? Kicked out for being too eager? _ Trying to find an answer to those questions would only raise others so I stopped that train of thought and continued to the office. I tried to wipe any evidence that I read the note from my expression as I opened the door. Mrs. Cope looked up at me with a smile.

"Sweetie, what can I do for you?"

"Mr. Docker sent me; he gave me a note and said you would take care of me?" I lifted the note and watched her expression as she read. The crease between her brows grew a little more defined, and her smile faltered a bit, but when she raised her eyes to me she quickly put it back in place. I raised an eyebrow at her to indicate my confusion.

"Well Ms. Swan, it seems there was a mistake in your schedule, if you will give me a moment I will fix you up with a new one shortly."

"No problem." Mrs. Cope turned to her computer, slid her glasses up the bridge of her nose and began picking away at the key board. _I must be in the Twilight Zone. So far I have been humiliated, referenced as an unethical student and kicked out of a class on my first day of school and I have only partially attended two periods. Rod Serling is going to step out at any moment I know it._ While looking around the room for Rod, Mrs. Cope finished rescheduling me. Lucky for her, the AP course I was being transferred into was at the same time so it was an easy adjustment. She too wrote a note for me to give to my new teacher Mrs. Mader. Even luckier for me, there were still fifteen minutes left in the period so I would have just enough time to make it to the class and deliver the note announcing my insertion into Mader's class.

I once again walked into a class late, very late. I immediately apologized and held up the note from Mrs. Cope. I was standing at the front of the classroom with Mrs. Mader as she read the message, once again feeling all eyes on me. _Fan-fuckin-tastic._ Fighting the urge to roll my eyes, I waited as Mader's jaw clenched. She was a tiny little thing, all of five feet tall with her two inch heals on, but the look on her face told me she was a no-nonsense kind a teacher.

"Well, I suppose a welcome is in order Ms. Swan. There are no empty seats at the moment, but class is just about over so if you wouldn't mind just hanging out in the back I will see that another desk is brought in for you to use tomorrow. If you stick around for a moment after class I will give you a syllabi and your text."

"Yes Ma'am." At this point I am beyond giving a crap what these people think of me. So I deliberately held my head up as I made my way to the back of the class room. I nodded at Angela who smiled brightly. I tried to ignore most everyone else. I barely heard a huff as I walked passed, Hoss. I rolled my eyes praying for the day to end already.

English was pleasant. I noticed the faces in my classes seemed to be the same. I guess with so few students in the school there weren't multiple offerings of each AP subject. Mr. Mason seemed to be passionate about authors and books we would read, but it seemed like it was going to be a review of things I'd already read. Angela had saved me a seat next to her. Unfortunately it was not my preferred spot in a rear corner with easy access to an exit but it was nice that she thought of me. Via scribbled notes I answered her questions as to how I ended up in her history class after all. I was a little disappointed when I learned she would not be joining me in biology next hour.

As I walked into my biology class I noticed there were name tags sitting on each stack of books at the tables. _Oh goodie, assigned seating. What the fuck, did I walk through a time portal and am suddenly in kindergarten again?_ I found my seat and was leaning over to catch a glimpse of the name next to me when Hoss plopped down next to me. _Of course, why wouldn't it be Hoss. Maybe he can antagonize me into another vulgar outburst so someone else can yell at me._ Rather than engage with the Hoss, I put my elbow on the table leaning my head against my hand so that my hair formed a screen separating him from my field of vision. Immature, maybe but I don't think I can take anymore drama today. I tried to listen as Mr. Banner did his day one housekeeping lecture, but I felt like Hoss was burrowing into the side of my head with his eyes. I refused to glance in his direction to confirm. Mr. Banner announced that the last twenty minutes of class was to be spent going over a supply checklist with our lab partners taking inventory of everything under our tables. _Oh happy day._

I hopped off my stool grabbing a pen and the checklist. I looked over at Hoss who seemed to be unwilling to move. _Whatever fucker, I can do this by myself; it'll save me the trouble of trying not to rip your head off._ I sat on the floor and began going through the cabinet on my side. Hoss seemed to be trying to ignore me, so I moved over to his side of the table to begin inventorying the drawers on his side.

"Do you mind?" Hoss gritted out barely moving his lips as he spoke.

"Actually I do. It would be a lot easier if you moved out of the way so that I could finish **our** assignment before lunch."

With that he pushed back from the table his stool scraping loudly across the floor. "Mr. Banner, may I be excused, my partner here has assured me she would be happy to finish up without my assistance, and I really need to check in with coach clap before lunch?" I didn't bother looking up over the table to see Mr. Banner's reaction, I didn't really care. Hoss left without another word to me and I finished the checklist in peace. _I could get used to working alone._

After the events of this morning's classes, the murmurs about me between classes I didn't really want to see what the public co-ed gastric experience would hold. I knew that Angela extended an offer to eat with her friends, but really I just wanted to have a bitch fest with Jaci and Lucy. I found a vending machine, bought a bottle of water, some pretzel sticks and went in search of a quiet corner to decompress a bit. I pulled out my phone and taking note of the time realized I couldn't call my girls. Seems even though we are in the same time zone I am in another world here, they would be heading into fifth period right now. I was staring at my phone as if it would provide me with the comfort I needed just by looking at it; I didn't even notice I wasn't alone until he spoke.

"I was bummed when I didn't get the chance to meet you earlier, but I see my luck has changed."

I looked up startled, but quickly morphed my expression into a smile when I saw that Honey Bear was standing in front of me. "Hi, I'm Bella."

With a smile, he sat next to me and motioned to himself, "James. I didn't expect to find you out here, I figured you would be the center of attention back in the cattle corral, you know, being the new girl and all."

"Yeah, well, I thought I could use a short break from all the attention, just catch my breath for a moment."

James looked over at me though the corner of his eye, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to disturb you," he stated as he started to get up.

"No. Don't go." I grabbed his arm halting his movements. James looked back at me with a smile.

"Tell you what doll, I'll be quiet, you can take your break; while you catch your breath, I'll contaminate some of mine, you don't mind do you?" He asked with a cigarette at his lips holding a lighter waiting for the ok to light.

I looked from the cigarette to his cornflower blue eyes and nodded my assent. So that is how we sat, in near silence for the rest of lunch. I munched on my pretzels taking sips of water every now and again, James drew deeply on his smokes. We didn't talk, but it wasn't weird and I was glad that I wasn't technically alone for the moment. When the bell rang I got up, not sure what to say to him, but feeling the need to say something I said,

"Thanks James," he looked a little confused, so I answered his unasked question, "Just thanks." With a genuine smile, I waved and took off in search of my second encounter with Mrs. Mater.

I was stuck taking American National Government/Economics with freshmen because at my former high school that was a senior offering and here in hell it was for first years. _Of course it is._ Mrs. Mater gave me a wary look when I found my way to the back of her class. I listened but kept my mouth shut not wanting to be ejected from another class today. When it was over, I couldn't wait for my last class of the day.

P.E. while I normally welcomed the physical activity as an outlet for frustration, I knew I didn't really have the energy today. I was glad when we were handed our uniforms, Coach Clap then took the time to inform us of the activities we would be undertaking during the year. _Bla, Bla, Bla. _I think my brain had decided it had endured enough for the day. I paid no attention to who was in my class, I didn't bother to try and recognize faces. I stared at nothing, heard nothing, I don't remember thinking anything. When I felt the bleacher move next to me, I was drawn out of my zone out. I dropped my clothes off in the locker room and headed for home, I was simply on auto pilot.

A short while later I walked though the front door. Renee rushed me, bubbling with excitement,

"How was it, did you make many new friends, did you meet any cute boys?"

I'm sure the questions would have continued, but I didn't have the energy to deal with them,

"Teachers are crap, kids suck, boys are boys, and I don't want to go back. If you won't let me go home, send me to boarding school, anything. Anything would be better than that circus they call a school."

"Sweetie, I think you are being overdramatic, it couldn't have been that bad."

"Why must you assume I am exaggerating? It sucked!" I stormed up the stairs and into my room. I pulled out my iPod and laptop. I jumped on Skype to see if Jaci and Lucy were online. I really needed a friend right now. No such luck. So instead I spent the night looking for boarding schools in the vain hope that I could convince Renee and Charlie to send me before I had to face another day at Forks High.


	4. Chapter 4

**I had no intention to update again so soon, but I am desperately trying to avoid studying for midterms. Outlining for Civil Procedure and Criminal Law seemed a lot less interesting than flushing out a new chapter. Sorry for any and all errors. I still don't own a thing Twilight.**

Charlie and Renee suck, they put the kibosh on my boarding school plans. I found a nice looking place not too far from Forks in Seattle, the Northwest School. As I sat at the kitchen table Wednesday morning I tried to convince them it was a win-win situation. So with my new ever bitter attitude I left for another day at Forks High, _go Spartans!_ I left extra early, I did not want to start another day with a lecture from Vile. I avoided making eye contact with anyone as I trudged though the parking lot with my ear buds firmly in place.

I tried to avoid pissing the vile Verner off hoping that by keeping my head down and avoiding eye contact with the man he would leave me alone. Vile wasn't the only one I avoided, the green eyed Hoss was also strictly avoided. I did smile at Angela, as soon as class ended, she turned to me,

"Missed you at lunch yesterday, I was a little worried when I did see you anywhere."

"I'm so sorry, it was a rough morning. I just needed a little bit of time to regroup before afternoon classes. If the offer still stands I would love to join you today."

"Of course, I hope today goes better for you. I know there were quite a few disappointed faces when you didn't show yesterday."

All I could do in response was grimace. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. We made our way over to History, followed by English. During English, Angela pointed out some of our fellow classmates. It seemed there was a core of about 14 students in the AP track that took almost entirely AP classes. To fill the 25 seats in each of those classes there were a few other students that only took a class or two in the AP track. So this is how I ended up with an almost identical schedule to Hoss. _Joy._ Some of the other regular faces included Alice, Mike, Eric, and Jessica. Angela gave me the scoop on all of them.

Alice was best friends with Hoss, _I can't wait for the opportunity to talk to that one._ Apparently Hoss, Alice, Dimples and a couple of other cats were thick as thieves. Mike was generically high school hot. Meaning he thought he was god's gift to high school panties with his over gelled hair and boyish good looks. Mike had an on again, off again thing with Jessica. Jessica was a head-o'-hopper but mostly harmless. Angela and Jess had been friends for years, but their relationship has been strained since Jess stuck up a friendship with Lauren. Lauren wasn't in any of our classes because apparently she had the neurological activity of an amoeba. Eric was gay-lite. I swear my gay-dar went off when I first noticed him. Angela insisted he was strait. _Wishful thinking on her part, she is crushing, so sad…you can't make him straight! _Armed with some names to put with faces I ambled into Biology.

Hoss was at our table looking completely uninterested. _Two can play at that game._ I took my seat, as Mr. Crunchy Lettuce made his way over.

"I was sorry I didn't get the chance to introduce myself to you yesterday, I'm Mike. Welcome to Forks."

"Hi, Mike. Bella. I wasn't aware Forks had a welcoming committee, where's my muffin basket?" I heard Hoss snickering, but did my best to continue ignoring him.

"I…well…I I just thought you would want me to let you know who I was and say hi." Mike stuttered.

"Whew, you have no idea what that means to me. I think I will actually get some sleep tonight. How did you know I stared longingly out my window all night wondering if and when you would make my acquaintance? I can't wait to get home to mark this day in my diary as the day Mike made himself known to me, sigh." Yes I actually said sigh in the most condescending tone I could manage while stifling laughter.

"Yeah, well, I'll see you around I guess, later..." with his head down and shoulders slumped, Mike walked away.

"Wow, you want me to bring you his puppy so you can kick it too."

My head whipped around to lock into the gaze of those twin emeralds.

"Excuse me."

"I'm not saying it wasn't entertaining to watch you verbally castrate his 'A' game without a pause for a breath." Hoss held his hands up as if I were holding a deadly weapon leaning away from me.

"Listen Hoss, I didn't castrate anyone, I didn't realize I was expected to fawn all over the guy cause he told me his name."

"Hoss? Big fan of Bonanza, are you?" his eyebrows were raised in question with a glint twinkling in his eyes. _God those eyes make me want to drop my panties and bend over the table._

"Bonanza?"

"Yeah, you called me Hoss, as in Hoss Cartwright from Bonanza…"

I laughed, really what else was I supposed to do. Someone watched too much nick at night in his formative years. I didn't want to correct his assumption for the nickname I'd given him. Luckily I didn't have to explain my outburst of laughter as he stared at me because Mr. Banner called class to order. I'm sure he only stared throughout class because he was trying to figure out why I had laughed earlier. He must have eventually assumed I was laughing at him because by the time class ended he had a scowl on his face as he gathered up his books and stormed out of class. I noticed Mike followed in less of a rush but with the same grimaced look. _I must be on today, two for two._ I met up with Angela on the way into the cafeteria.

We loaded up our trays and then made our way over to a table that was already pretty full. I sat next to Angela as she made a round of introductions, Jess, Lauren, Tyler, Eric, Mike, Sean and Tori. Mike did not make eye contact at the mention of either of our names. I nodded hello to everyone, but remained focused on my lunch occasionally raising my head to look around the cafeteria. I spotted the bronze mess atop the glowing green eyes. He seemed to be staring daggers at me. _Gees dude, get over it, so I laughed at you, I can't possibly be the first._ When I was able to break eye contact with him I took in the rest of the people at his table. Sitting at the table I saw Dimples, Alice and two blond gods. Jess caught my stare and giggled. _Really, giggled, fight the eye roll. Egh who am I kidding._ I rolled my eyes and looked to Jess.

"See something you liked?"

"Not really, more like something that annoys me."

"So we have some classes with Edward and Alice. The big guy is Edward's brother Emmett, the blond bombshell is Rosalie and the blond hottie is her twin Jasper. Emmett and Rosalie have been together forever, Alice and Jasper too. Edward is with Tanya. She is usually super glued to his side during lunch but I hear she is in New York again."

"New York?"

Angela stepped in to answer for Jess, "yeah she is a model, she is gorgeous really. They are like a pack of pretty people."

I shook my head as I continued to look at the table of pretty people. I noticed Emmett looking at me with that big goofy smile and matching dimples. I nodded in his direction and he waved me over.

"You know the Cullens?" Lauren asked the hostility dripping from her voice.

"Not really, my dad knows their dad…they helped us move in, I kinda met them in passing last weekend." I was thankful I didn't have to explain how I met them in passing because the bell rang signaling the end of lunch.

Mrs. Mader eyed me cautiously again as I walked into her freshman class, I took my seat and it passed much like it had yesterday. I was hoping PE would offer me a chance to blow off some steam. After I changed clothes I made my way out to the bleacher to wait for class to start. Coach Clap blew his whistle announcing that the guys in the class, all football players would be hitting the weights and the girls were to do a mile around the track then some light weights to end the period with the guys serving as our spotters.

I stretched quickly and shook out my legs before starting, I was the first one to finish my eight laps. It wasn't as long of a run as I was accustomed to so I didn't reach the runners high I typically enjoy from a good run but it was nice to get my blood pumping. I put my head into the weight room not sure if I wanted to be the only girl in there.

"What are you doing back so soon dear, did you hurt yourself?" Coach Clapp's voice simultaneously stopped all chatter in the room as everyone turned to look at me.

"No Sir, I finished my mile."

"W…I take it you actually ran."

"Yes Sir." _Duh, didn't he say to run…if he wanted me to walk my fat ass around the track he should have said so._

"Well, usually my guys have more time on the weights before you girls come around and distract them, but find a partner and try some light lifting. You're not trying to set any lifting records just tone a bit."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the chauvinistic ass. I looked around the room for a partner. I saw Hoss glaring at me with his gorgeous green eyes before happy blue eyes and dimples stepped in front of him.

"You need a partner short stuff?"

"Who you calling short stuff, Fezzik?"

Emmitts laughter echoed throughout the room. "I love a girl who can reference The Princess Bride at random intervals."

"The fact that you recognize the name makes you worthy to be my partner, call me Bella." I stuck out my hand to shake with the gentle giant.

"Emmett, so where do you want to start, upper body or legs?"

"To be honest I have almost zero upper body strength but I have shitloads of leg strengh." He eyed me up and down probably trying to decide how true my words were.

"Come on munchkin; let's see what those noodle arms can do." I grimaced at the term munchkin.

"Sure thing, Uncle Jessie." I could have lots of fun running through nicknames with Emmitt. We both laughed as he led me to a bench press. I looked at the 50 lb weights on both sides and shook my head. "Let's try with just the bar to start out with." Emmitt looked like he wanted to laugh at me again but complied with my request. We traded names and quips over the remainder of the hour. I could almost forget Hoss was in the class with us, but inevitably he would clear his throat or grunt at the laughter Emmitt and I shared. Finally towards the end of the period, I had to ask, "Is your brother going to be able to untwist his panties, I didn't mean to steal you?"

"He's fine, he enjoys his panties bunched up and in his ass, don't worry about him." Emmitt smirked at his brother. Hoss turned his back on us before I could gage his reaction.

"It's been fun, thanks for being such a great spotter and not letting that bar kill me." with a wink and a wave I turned to leave the weight room.

"No problem, peanut, don't be a stranger now you hear?"

"I wouldn't think of it, I always loved SeaWorld." I watched as he gave me a questioning look, "you're larger than life and adorable, a lot like Shamu." I was laughing at recognition that played across his features.

"Oh you're gonna pay for that twerp." Emmitt started after me laughing.

I spun on my toe and sprinted out of the weight room. I couldn't help the shriek that escaped me as he caught me in the gym. The big lug threw me over his shoulder only to dump me into a pile of tumbling mats in the corner. As I got up he ruffled my hair so I charged at him, I'm not sure what I expected to accomplish by running into the brick wall that was Emmitt. His booming laugh just frustrated me further as he picked me up by my waist and tossed me like I was a sack of potatoes onto the mats again. By the time I sat up again we were both laughing. _It feels good to laugh again._ I was having so much fun I didn't realize class had ended and with it the school day. Emmitt was preparing to launch me again when we heard her voice.

"Emmitt what are you doing to that poor girl, you put her down this instant." I think both our eyes went wide like children caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

"No problem babe." With that he tossed me again. I jumped up quickly, not sure how the goddess before me was going to take to me being man handled by her man. "Rosie meet half pint also known as Bella."

"Hi," I offered my hand hoping to salvage this introduction. I watched as Blondie took me in from head to toe. I started feeling a little self conscious about the fact that she was standing before me in all her perfectly coifed and manicured beauty and I was a sweaty, most likely blotchy mess.

"Hi, Edward said you were something else, I see he was right." Her tone was more matter of fact than curt. I wasn't sure what to make of the comment so I moved on.

"Well, I should change and get out of here; it was nice meeting you, Rosalie, bye JGG."

"Ho, ho, ho" Emmitt bellowed.

"Green giant" I finished for him. We both cracked up laughing. Rosalie cracked a small smile and waved bye. _Well I made her smile, kind of; I guess that means she won't be gouging my eyes out anytime soon._

I changed as fast as I could and rushed home. I was still pretty high from my silliness with Emmitt. I'm sure Renee noticed the difference in my demeanor as soon as I was through the door but for once chose not to comment. _ Thank god for small miracles._ After a hot bath, dinner and some homework I went to bed thinking maybe it wouldn't be as bad as I thought.

Thursday was much like Wednesday, with the exception of Alice introducing herself to me. She said I made quite the impression on Rosalie, so she just had to make my acquaintance. She never mentioned if it was a good impression or not. I waved to the pack of pretty people as I took my seat with Angela and her friends. Angela extended the offer to go to Friday night's game with her and the rest of the girls and to the drive-in Saturday night. They then informed me I just had to be at the drive-in Saturday night. Anyone and everyone were going to be there. It is the last weekend of the drive-in so it was mandatory that I make my debut as the newest student at Forks. _Drive-in, really are Danny and Sandy gonna be there too._ I agreed, let's face it, it's not like I have something better to do with my time. Emmitt and I had a blast as we teamed up for badminton, and we kicked ass. It was too much fun beating Hoss, every time we scored he ran his hand through his hair, and grunted at his partner Tyler. _Oh that I could run my hand through that hair. Seriously woman, keep it in your pants._ PE was becoming my favorite period of the day.

Friday, the school was full of excitement for the first game of the season. Sixth period was canceled due to the pep rally. I couldn't help but snort when I heard that announcement in homeroom this morning. This freaky little town's time warp messes with my mind; wonder if the Scorpions will show and cause a ruckus.

Angela promised to save me a seat. I made my way to the gym after econ when Honey Bear with blue eyes caught up with me.

"Can you believe this shit is mandatory?"

"No, not really. I've never been to a pep rally before. Should I be scared?"

"Probably. I bet we could find a way to make it more bearable for you" he offered.

"Angela is saving me a seat, but you're welcome to join us."

"That's alright, this really isn't my scene. I probably shouldn't taint you with me cynicism on your first go around."

A little disappointed, I asked a stupid question considering the rally wasn't his thing, "you going to the game tonight?"

"Not so much, but I'll be around maybe I'll see you later."

With that I waved as he gave me a panty wetting smile and nod. I began searching the crowd for Angela. I happened to meet angry green eyes. As I stopped to better look at his face, Hoss seemed downright pissed at me. _What the fuck, I hadn't so much as said boo to him in two days._ He was standing off to the side with the rest of the football players. He was quite a sight in his jersey and dark wash jeans. They hung perfectly on his body, despite his yumminess I rolled my eyes and deliberately turned my attention away from him. I found Angela and immediately made my way over to her.

The rally was exactly what you would think it would be…gay. I mean that in the nicest possible way. Cheerleaders jumped around, chanted and danced like strippers. The band played badly, the football team was introduced and promised victory. It was an hour of my life I would never get back. I did get my first glimpse of the model beauty that was Tanya. She was every bit the perfect compliment to Hoss, tall, perfectly proportioned, strawberry blond goddess. Even I wouldn't mind making out with her if she weren't a chick-a-leader. How fitting the quarterback and the cheerleader, could they be any more predictable. Cue eye roll. I bailed as soon as possible with Angela's promise to pick me up before the game. I couldn't help but watch as Tanya flung herself into Hoss's arms at the rally's conclusion. He caught her with ease as they began to make their way through the crowds of students.

As I walked home I couldn't help but hope that I would cross paths with James later that night. He had a tendency to sneak up on me, causing the hair on the back of my neck to stand up, but there was something in those piercing blue eyes that made me want to spend time with him. He was undeniably attractive, but there was something about him that screamed danger. While I've never been into bad boys, I've also never attended a pep rally or gone to a drive-in. It seems Forks was all about trying out the new and different.

**Please read and review, this is my first attempt at FanFic I hope it is readable and enjoyable to those of you reading.**


	5. Chapter 5

**So I finished my Civ Pro outline and thought as a reward I would hash out another chapter…besides this story is distracting me from my studies. (At least that is what I keep telling myself as an excuse to write some more.) So you all know the drill, Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters.**

I turned around in front of my full length mirror doing a final check of my look. Angela would be here any moment to pick me up. I was excited, it was a familiar routine for a Friday night, primping for a football game with my girls – only I wasn't going with Jaci and Lucy, and I wouldn't be cheering my boyfriend on to victory. I was just a girl going with new acquaintances to watch a team. I was trying to no focus on what I missed from home, especially since my dearest friends and boyfriend _ex-boyfriend_ had been so busy with their own lives that they neglected to return my calls, messages, and emails the last few days. It hurt, _it fucking hurts a lot…_but I know that if I was home I would be busy living my life, it is not fair for me to expect them to stop and dwell on missing me just because I have nothing to focus on but missing them. I could feel the burn of tears behind my eyes. I stared at the ceiling hoping to quell the feelings of loss and sorrow bubbling inside me.

Thankfully a horn honked alerting me that Angela was waiting for me. I ran down the stairs and found Charlie and Renee sitting on the couch watching Jeopardy.

"I shouldn't be too late tonight, love you guys."

"No problem kiddo, be safe." Charlie didn't even glance up from the TV.

"Have fun and try and make the most of this new experience." Renee added. _ Why did everything sound so After School Special when it came out of her mouth?_ I rolled my eyes as I walked out the door slipping my jacket over my shoulders.

I pulled the passenger door open to Angela's car with a grin looking forward to a night away from Charlie and Renee.

"You ready?"

"You have no idea how ready I am for tonight. This is the first night I've gone out since moving here…pathetic I know."

Angela gave me a kind smile and it looked like her eyes were trying to say she wasn't judging. She turned up the local top 40's radio station. Go figure only one FM station picked up in this one horse town.

"So, Jess is picking Tori and Lauren up they will meet us there."

"Great" I tried to sound enthusiastic. The thing is I've never been a girl's girl. Yes I had Jaci and Lucy they were my girls and we were close like sisters. Yes I attended an all girls' school and I got along with most everyone but I didn't consider most of them my friends they were just people I was social with. Before Jake, most of my friends were guys. I was an overgrown tomboy. I enjoyed rough housing and silly competition with the boys. Maybe that's why I had so much fun with Emmitt this week. Thinking about Emmitt put a smile on my face.

"What are you smiling about?" Angela asked as she pulled into a parking spot in the packed parking lot. From the look of the lot, there must not be a lot to do in Forks on a Friday night.

"Nothing, just glad I decided to come out tonight." I didn't want to quantify my budding bromance with Emmitt.

We bought our tickets and walked through the gates, I looked around not sure if we would have to wait long to meet up with Angela's friends. As we made our way to the front of the bleachers I heard my name, looking up I spotted a bouncy Alice and smirking Rosalie. I waved and smiled back. Alice waved me over. I turned to let Angela,

"Would you mind if I went to say 'hi' to Alice and Rosalie?"

"No, go ahead, I'm gonna wait here for the rest of the gang. Just text me if you don't see me down here."

"Ok, I shouldn't be long." I made my way up to Alice and Rosalie.

"I'm so glad you made it, Angela could have come up with you." Alice rushed though her thought without a pause for a breath.

I chuckled, "I'm sure she could have but she is waiting for her friends." Rosalie raised an eyebrow at my choice of words, but I chose to ignore it. I didn't want to explain that I didn't consider them to be my friends; I was just a tagalong at this point.

"Well have a seat, I was just telling Rose that I hoped you would come, that we should have extended an invitation for you to join us. Emmitt doesn't stop talking about you; you have to be his second favorite person. He is a good judge of character. That's why I know that we are going to be great friends. I wish we had the chance to talk more this week." I watched Alice ramble with awe; I kept expecting her lips to turn blue because I was sure she wasn't breathing just talking. _She must have some set of lungs._

"Give the girl a chance to respond. Forgive Alice she gets excited easily." Rosalie chided a pouting Alice.

"I feel like I need a Red Bull to keep up"

"I don't have a Red Bull, but I do have some vodka," Rosalie offered her water bottle. _My kind of woman, _"we come prepared."

I opened my purse flashing my flask of Bombay, "As do I, I've been a dutiful football girlfriend for a couple of years, and I know how to keep warm on Friday nights." Alice looked at me with sad eyes.

"Do you have a boyfriend back in California?"

"Had. He decided it was better if we didn't do the long distance thing." _Wow that sounded more bitter than I had intended._

"So, you're on the rebound, is that why you were making eyes at James Galleger?" Rosalie asked with barely veiled distain.

"I don't know about making eyes but we met earlier this week, besides Angela he was the only other person to be kind to me my first day." _Why am I justifying myself to the glamazon?_

"What about Edward in Calculus?"

"Oh, I don't even get me started on that prick," I looked at Alice who seemed taken aback by my assessment, "sorry, I forgot he is like one of your best friends," looking to Rosalie, "and for all intents and purposes your brother-in-law. He…well he just rubs me the wrong way. Sorry." Rosalie was barely containing her laughter, but Alice looked out onto the field showing no visible reaction to my apology.

An awkward silence fell among us. I looked around for Angela but didn't see her anywhere. _Now is as good a time as any to go find her._

"I should find Angela and find me a mixer for my gin." With a forced smile I stood.

"You don't have to go." Alice looked up with puppy dog eyes.

"I told Angela I wouldn't be long, I'll come back a round during the game."

I made my way to the concession stand, thankful they had bottles of OJ. _Gin and juice an oldie but goodie._ I took a big swig of juice before finding a dark corner to mix in my gin. I was returning the flask to my purse when I heard a familiar voice.

"Does the Chief know what you up to tonight?" James asked.

"No, are you planning on telling him?"

"That depends, what's in it for me to keep this information to myself?"

"I'm willing to share." Before I finished my statement I tossed the flask at him. With quick reflexes he caught the flask before it made impact with his pretty face; a shadow marred his features before he settled in a smirk.

"You aren't at all what I expected of you."

Feeling bold, I walked up on James pressing my body up against his, "Well that's where you made you first mistake, I assure you I am more than you assumed and probably more than you could handle." I finished in a breathy whisper near his ear. I felt his body go rigid at my close proximity. Pleased with his reaction to me, I backed up to make a quick getaway calling back over my shoulder, "You can return my flask at a later time when you've had a chance to pull yourself together." With a wink and a smirk I walked away enjoying the slack jawed and dazed look on his face.

I found Angela sitting with Jess and the rest of the estrogen brigade. I made my way up the bleacher to them. I sat next to Angela, while I could hear the insipid chit chat of the others I tried to lose myself in the excitement of the game. Angela, like me, was pretty quiet and seemed to be wrapped up in the game with the occasional glances at Eric in all of his trumpet playing band glory. More than once I found myself critiquing Ms. Perfect Cheerleader Tanya, while I had never had a conversation with her I found myself imagining several scenarios in which she would face plant on that perfect mug. Growing frustrated with my new found obsession with Ms. Perky Perfection I excused myself to the bathroom prior to the half-time rush.

As I exited the stall I found myself face to face with a mildly hostile Rosalie. _Shit I hope this wasn't about my Hoss is prick comment._

"Oh hey, you trying to beat the rush too?"

"Not exactly, I saw you heading this way thought I would take the opportunity to catch you alone." _Great, this sounds promising._

"Oh?" _Yes, play stupid._

"Listen, I know neither of us owes the other anything…"

"No, listen I'm sorry. I'm sure Hoss isn't all bad, maybe we just got off on the wrong foot, but you got to know I think Emmitt and the rest of you guys are great. I will try not to let my dislike of Hoss cloud our interactions." Rosalie was turning red as I spoke and before I finished she was laughing, at me?

"Oh my god," more laughter, "you think I care that you **know** Edward is a prick. I think he is self-righteous, egotistical pain in the ass most of the time. I am not in the least bit offended by your appraisal of him"

"Ok…I'm not sure where you were going with this conversation then?"

"Bella, I like you, granted I don't know you very well yet, but Emmitt loves you. He thinks you walk on water and would do anything to protect you. We are just a little worried about you; we wouldn't want to see you get hurt…"

"I'm not sure I follow you."

"Listen you're new, you don't know everyone's history. I don't like to gossip so let me just say be careful who you spend your time with."

"I hardly think Angela has any skeletons in her closet."

With a frustrated sigh, as if she was talking to a toddler, "I was referring to James."

"Oh…I…well…I…we just met, and he has been nothing short of nice to me, but we barely know each other, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about."

"I hope not, I just wanted to make sure you know what you are getting yourself into."

"Thank you for looking out for me, but I assure you there is no need to worry." I tried to smile reassuringly. I finished washing my hands as the bathroom door swung open and began to fill up, Rosalie and I exited the now crowded room together. As we walked back to the stands, she grabbed my arm.

"You don't look like you're having too much fun with Angela's friends; you are more than welcome to join Alice and me." I smiled at her invitation.

"While your assessment is not far off, I did come with Angela, I would feel bad ditching out on her, and she really is a great person."

"I understand Angela is welcome to join us too. I can't say the same for the rest of the pathetic patrol." Rosalie scrunched up her nose at the thought of the rest of Angela's friends, I couldn't help but chuckle.

As I sat thought he rest of the game, I couldn't help but think about Rosalie's warning to steer clear of James. Sure, he had given me an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I didn't fear him. Maybe she was trying to allude to him being a player. Was she warning me to guard my heart from him? I was so wrapped up in thoughts of Rosalie's warning the second half of the game passed before I knew it. We won, as fans descended on the field to congratulate the players, I looked for Rosalie. She had her arms wrapped around Emmitt as he pulled her in for a kiss. Alice had her legs and body wrapped around who I can only assume was Jasper, and before I could stop myself I from searching him out I spotted Hoss. He too had a beautiful girl clinging to him.

I had to turn away from the happy couples in front of me; it just made me miss what I didn't have even more. Angela seemed to be fighting an internal battle. I followed her gaze to see her watching Eric.

"Why don't you go say high to Eric, I'll keep busy while you enjoy some face time." Angela's eyes lit up.

"Are you sure, I don't want to leave you all alone."

"Positive, I want to congratulate Emmitt anyway, go on."

Angela rushed to Eric's side. I shook my head, and maneuvered my way over to Emmitt and the rest of his pretty people pack. _Ha, now that I know and kinda like most of them that just sounds funny._

"Great game, Gulliver!"

"If it isn't my favorite Lilliputian, thanks B. I'm glad to see you made it." I loved that he got my random references.

"Bella, I want to officially introduce you to the most amazing, beautiful man in the world, my Jasper."

I tried to disguise my chuckle as a cough, but extended my hand to Jasper, "I feel like I should curtsy after an introduction like that."

"No need for a curtsy, it is my pleasure to make your acquaintance." Jasper lifted my outstretched hand to kiss it. His smile was genuine and his eyes were the same shade of blue as Rosalie's, but there was an obvious warmth in them that was initially absent in Rosalie's. They were very similar in their beauty, quiet calm demeanor and poise affirming their twin-ly-ness.

Emmitt interrupted my internal catalog of Jasper and Rosalie. "You know my brother, but I don't believe you have met Tanya yet."

"Um, no nice to meet you." I forced a polite smile on my lips, while extending my hand.

She looked at my hand like it was going to bite her, "hi," she immediately turned to Hoss, "baby, I'm starving go shower so you can feed me." She whined at him complete with pout.

I couldn't help myself, my eyes rolled before I could remember I was in plain sight of all her friends, I muttered to myself, "dear god they are perfect for each other." I didn't expect anyone else to hear me, but everyone roared with laughter. Everyone with the exception of the perfect pair, from them I earned matching scowls. _I wonder if they practice their facial expressions in the mirror together to get it right._

"I love this ankle bitter!" With his exclamation Emmitt threw me over his shoulder and ran around while I kicked and swatted at his back laughing the whole time.

"Dr. Bruce Banner, put me down already," I instructed Emmitt. With a swat on my butt he dropped me on my feet. "Thank you, and I'm sorry but I have to clear this up, you realize I am of above average height, I could see you calling Alice a slew of little people inspired names but why me? Sorry, no offense Alice."

"None taken."

"Well it's like this sweet cheeks, you seem to think you are tough stuff so I feel the need to remind you who the big man on campus is." Emmitt puffed out his chest as he finished his explanation.

"Please anyone with eyes can see that your mother birthed you under power lines while drinking radioactive waste." Everyone was laughing including Emmitt.

"I most certainly did not." At the sound of the voice I stood ramrod straight, I felt all the blood drain from my face. _Why? Why do I keep making an ass of myself in front of these people? I've got to look into a way to keep my fuckin' foot out of my mouth._ With effort I swallowed and turned to face Mrs. Cullen.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply…" how_ was I supposed to even finish that sentence …your son is a freak of nature...you had poor parenting skills._ I was gaping at Mrs. Cullen like a pale fish I am sure, when I noticed the slightest twitch of the corner of her mouth.

"I blame his father." With that Mrs. Cullen cracked a megawatt smile. Finally able to breathe I shot a timid smile back at her.

"I accept no blame for the boy," Dr. Cullen added slipping his arms around Mrs. Cullen's waist.

"Mom, Dad I would like to officially introduce you to the coolest member of the lollipop guild, Bella. Bella, these are my parents Esme and Carlisle."

I'm sure my face was bright red on account of the lollipop guild reference and the fact that both times I've seen Dr. Cullen and the first time I met Mrs. Cullen I've seemed unbalanced, "Hi, it's a pleasure to meet you both officially Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. I'm sorry about before, I sometimes forget to think-speak."

"The pleasure is all ours, Emmitt has not stopped talking about you for days. Please call us Esme and Carlisle," Esme requested.

"Think-speak?" Carlisle asked.

"Uh, yeah, think-speak, taking the time to think about the words coming out of one's mouth before they are spoken. My dad coined the term saying that more men could stay out of the dog house if only they would think-speak. Unfortunately I have had the pleasure of spending so much time around guys I seem to have lost the ability to think-speak on a regular basis." I realized I was babbling on when everyone around me was chuckling.

I turned around to locking eyes with Hoss, there was humor flashing in his jade eyes, I wished I could see his smile, but it was hidden behind an un-amused and even less welcoming Tanya. _Angry perfect girlfriend - that's my cue._

"Well, it was really great meeting you Dr…err…Esme and Carlisle, Tanya, Jasper. I'll see the rest of you around." I nodded at Alice, Rosalie and Emmitt.

"Aw do you really have to go?" Emmitt gave me wide puppy dog eyes.

"Yes, I'm sure Angela is wondering if I am ever coming back, I really shouldn't keep her waiting."

"Are you guys headed to the diner?"

"I don't think so."

"Aww" I smiled at Emmitt while trying very hard not to roll my eyes at his whinny ass.

"For Christ sake Em, the girl is not gonna up and leave town you'll see her at school on Monday." Hoss's annoyed voice broke my smile immediately.

"Seriously, I don't see what the big deal is." The other half of the perfect pair added. _Wow I can't believe these two aren't on Mike's welcome committee, they are so warm and welcoming._

"Edward." Esme chided, he raised his hands in surrender. Backing away, he grabbed Tanya's hand and wondered off towards the field house.

"No really, it's fine, I gotta go. See you guys later." I made a hasty retreat, not bothering to turn when several of the group called my name out. I waved a hand over my shoulder and set off in the direction of the parking lot to find Angela.

As I was nearing the exit of the stadium, I felt someone grab my hand and yank me behind the ticket booth. Before I could register my fear of being pressed up against the side of the booth I recognized the blue orbs looking down on me. I could feel the adrenaline moving through my body. He had one hand pressed against the wall by my waist, the other was next to my head caging me in. I was intimidated and excited at the same time. He licked his lips and leaned into me before he spoke,

"You realize you're playing with fire?"

"Maybe I'm seeking heat to warm me up." I lifted an eyebrow at him in challenge. I could see his answering smile in his eyes; I ducked under his arm by my head. "Although, right now it seems more like kindling, let me know when you find a flint. See you around James."

I found Angela talking to Jess, Lauren, Tori and a freshly washed Mike and Tyler. "Hey guys, good game." I figured I would have to spend more time around Mike seeing as he was a part of this group that had taken me in so I might as well try and play nice.

"Thanks, Bella." I could practically see Mike's tail wagging ecstatic about the mild praise like a puppy _I wonder if he will leave a puddle if he gets too excited_.

"Yeah, glad you made it out." Tyler added.

"You girls headed to the diner now?" Mike asked hopefully.

Angela looked to me for confirmation. After the whole pretty people pack conversation I really didn't want to chance running into the perfect pair. "I wish I could but I promised my folks I would be home early, next time for sure."

"Sorry guys, I should probably just head home after I drop Bella off."

"No, you go ahead Angela. Don't let me ruin your night. In fact I'm sure I can catch a ride home."

"I wouldn't feel right just leaving you here."

"I promise I'll be just fine. You go on have a good time…tell Eric I said 'hi'" I winked at her just to watch her face flush with my mention of Eric. With a chuckle I waved and headed back across the lot. To be honest I didn't have a plan for getting home, I just didn't want to be the reason Angela missed out on a good night. I really think I'm putting in some sort of effort here, but I just don't quite fit and I don't like the feeling. I guess I could call Charlie or Renee to pick me up but it seemed kind of stupid to ask for a ride home from the place I happily walked to and from all week. I waited until I saw Angela and company leave the parking lot before I headed for home on foot.

It was pretty dark out I guess the town of Forks could not afford street lamps, so I had to rely on the occasional porch light from a passed house. It's kind of how I felt about this move, my future was full of darkness, occasional some dim light would filter across my path, but mostly I was bumbling around in the dark. _Gees, could I be anymore pathetic at this point, I'll probably be quoting Dickinson by the time I get home. _Only a couple of cars passed me I assume most people were headed in the opposite direction going to the diner.

_You could have been headed in that direction too if you didn't let the Perfect Pair scare you off. __I wasn't scared I was angry.__ You weren't angry, you were intimidated at best. They made you feel unwelcomed so you ran._ _I didn't run I made a hasty_…I didn't have time to finish my internal debate as I noticed I was walking up on a car that had just passed me pulled off to the side of the road. _At least it doesn't look like a child molester van, hopefully no one is going to throw a door open and snatch you off the side walk. Cross the street now and if need be get the lead out it wouldn't take more than a couple of minutes to get to the house._ So I made my way across the street before I got to the tail end of the car. I heard the tell tale whine of a window rolling down.

"Bella…why…where…do you need a ride home?" Of course it was the Perfect Pair. I stopped in my tracks, not because I wanted to have another conversation with these Barbie dolls but because I couldn't believe my luck.

"I'm fine, 'Seriously, I don't see what the big deal is'" I deliberately used Strawberry Short Cake's words from earlier mimicking perfectly her intonation, but still refusing to look in his direction.

"Cute," I heard him open his car door, "Why aren't you with Angela?"

"Because I'm going home and she wasn't. What difference does it make to you?"

"You shouldn't be walking alone in the dark. Why didn't she give you a ride home first?"

"Because I told her not to, and you still didn't answer my question. What difference does it make to you? Don't you need to feed your cheerleader?" I peered over his shoulder looking for SSC.

"Tanya is meeting me at the diner, I was on my way home to…it doesn't matter. Just get in the car I'll give you a ride home."

"Listen I don't remember asking for you help, and I certainly don't need it." I took a step to continue my walk home.

"Really, 'cause you look like you could use some help when you're throwing yourself at James."

_What the fuck._ I stocked over to Hoss lifting my head to glare directly into his eyes, "What the fuck is with **you** people and James? He has not treated me remotely bad since I met him, **unlike** some other people. He flirts with me, big deal. At least I don't end up shouting expletives at **him** at the end of it. Or maybe **you** have a problem with him because he doesn't treat me like a social leper and shoot daggers at me every time I am in the same vicinity as him. **You don't like me,** I get it, I'm not trying to force you to be nice or be my friend."

I punctuated the 'you's in my rant with a finger poke to his firm chest. Because my eyes were locked on his I saw several emotions flash in his dark green eyes. He may have even winced a time or two, but that could have been my awesome finger poking ability.

"I…I don't…you're the one with an attitude problem around me. I've tried to help you–" I didn't let him finish.

"Help me, really. So how exactly did you **help** me when you let Charlie believe that our little exchange last weekend was my fault entirely? Was that you **helping** when you sat back and watched as he steam rolled me in front of you brother and father? Or better yet, were you **helping** me when you encouraged that douche bag, Varner, to question my mental abilities on my own time? You must have been **helping** me feel at home with all the dirty looks you've shot my way over the last week. Thanks so much for all your **help**." My voice was oozing sarcasm when I finished. "Now you will have to excuse me because, I am going home without your **help**."

I walked away ignoring the fact that I left him standing in the middle of the road with his jaw hanging open. I felt much better after putting him in his place. I don't know how someone so pretty can be so damn aggravating. He would be so much more fun to be around if he would just sit there and look pretty, no he has to open his mouth and ruin it. I heard his car door slam followed by the rev of his engine and screeching tires. I never looked back.

When I got home Charlie and Renee were already in bed. _Good. _I didn't feel like recapping my night to Renee. I took a hot shower to relieve the tension in my body. I slipped into a pair of boxers and a tank. I grabbed my laptop and wrapped myself in a blanket and sent a long email to Jaci and Lucy. I cried myself to sleep watching the slide show of pictures of my old life.

Saturday morning I helped Renee around the house till Charlie got home. I begged him to help me set up the kickboxing equipment in the basement. Once we mounted the heavy bag and found a suitable location for 'Bob' the boxing dummy I ran upstairs to change and grab my iPod. I stopped in the living room to have Charlie wrap my hands.

I set my iPod to shuffle starting with Puddle of Mudd's She Hates Me. Rolling my neck and stretching my arms, back, and legs, I then jumped around a bit to get my blood pumping. Before too long I was punching and kick away at the bag. I stopped when I was completely out of breath. Throwing my arm around Bob, I apologized for not sparing with him today, with a quick pop to his nose I promised to play with him next time. _Ha so far the easiest person to be around in Forks is my dummy._ I walked into the kitchen in search of water. I after drinking several glasses I filled one more and headed to the back porch to cool off.

Renee joined me before too long. "So sweetie, I was thinking about your birthday on Tuesday, is there anything in particular you want or would like to do?"

"Boarding school?"

Renee shook her head at me.

"Let me live with Jaci or Lucy till graduation?"

With a sad look on her face, "you know that's not going to happen."

"I know, I thought I would put it out there. Really mom, I'm fine, I don't need anything. How about a pizza and we make dad sit through Breakfast at Tiffany's again?"

"Are you sure, it's not every year you turn 16, I can't believe your growing up so fast?"

"I'm sure, but speaking of 16 any chance you'd be willing to take me to get my license next week?"

"Tell you what, How about you play hooky Tuesday afternoon? Well run over to Port Angeles and hit the DMV. We'll pick up a pizza on the way home, by the time your dad realizes I let you ditch it will be too late." Renee wagged her eyebrows at me conspiratorially.

"My mother the bad influence in my life," I chuckled, "it's a date. I should go clean up; I'm going out with Angela again tonight. I can't wait to meet the rest of the 'T-Birds' and 'Pink Ladies' at the drive-in."

"Oh, you're going to have so much fun, I have many a fond memory at that drive-in." _Again with the eyebrows._

"Ew, I don't need to hear about your sex-capades." I made a hasty retreat with Renee laughing at having grossed me out.

When I got upstairs I saw that I had two text messages. The first was fromAngela.

Angela – **We're still on for tonight right?**

Me – **Yep what time should I expect you?**

Angela – **I'll pick you up around 7ish.**

Me – **K see you then.**

The next was from unknown.

**- Hey pygmy, I hear you will be at the drive-in later I EXPECT to see you there.**

**- Yes Hagrid, I will see you later I promise :-P**

**- Good, see you tonight Gollum**

_Ouch, do I really come off as creepy and schizoid_. I guess my personality could use an infusion of friendliness and I should probably stop having such lengthy conversations with myself. _Right._

I took a hot shower; it wasn't until I felt pain on my fists that I noticed the bruising from my earlier workout. I guess I was more frustrated than I thought. At least I didn't break the skin. After my shower I opted for warmth and comfort. I pulled on my black skull and cross bones knee high cable knit socks and slid into a pair of black skinny jeans. With a black tank, black cowl neck sweater and my Mary Jane Docs my outfit was complete. I blew out my hair pulling it strait; swiping on some eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss I was ready for Angela.

I went down stairs to munch on some pita chips and hummus not knowing when I'd get the chance to grab a bite to eat. I was standing at the counter enjoying the sting of the habanero pepper hummus when my phone chimed letting me know I had a new text.

A – **I'm on my way**

I picked up after myself running upstairs to brush my teeth again. Who wants to chit chat with hummus breath? I grabbed my jacket and purse calling out a good night to Renee and Charlie as I made my way outside to wait for Angela who pulled up the curb moments later looking contrite.

"I hope you don't mind but Emmitt asked for you number last night and I gave it to him."

"I figured it was you, it's no big deal I would have given it to him if he asked."

"I was hoping you would say that. I promise not to give your number to just anybody that asks for it."

"No worries," I laughed, "So what should I expect from this drive-in experience?"

"Well we pretty much just hang out in large clusters talking. If it gets too cold we'll huddle up in a few cars, of course a few people will couple off to do their thing but mostly it's just a group hangout."

"I can live with that."

We listened to music as we drove to the outskirts of town. We pulled off the highway to a long drive to line up behind several other cars. We eventually made our way to the booth where Angela paid $5 for us to drive-in. She drove to the right side of the lot parking next to Mike and Tyler. I could see Jess and her talking heads sitting on the hood of her car. I reminded myself I was trying to find a level of comfort around these people as I exited the car.

"Bella you made it out tonight." Mike smiled brightly at me.

"Yeah I got out early on good behavior."

"Excellent." I watched as Jess rolled her eyes at his enthusiasm. I was leaning against Angela's car content for the moment, listening as everyone else reminisce on this summer's escapades at the drive in. Tyler and Mike were sitting in the back of Tyler's van with the doors open, Angela was sitting next to Eric on the hood of her car and the Talkie Triplets were standing in front of Tyler and Mike. When the movie started windows were rolled down and radios set to the station playing the sound for the film.

I guess movies take longer to reach small town drive-in theaters; tonight's double feature was MacGruber and Letters to Juliet. Not exactly quality current films but for five buck in the middle of nowhere I guess no one was complaining. The Talkies announced they were headed to the ladies room. _ Of course they had to go as a group. _Angela and Eric stood up.

"We're headed to the snack shack, you guys want anything?"

Tyler answered, "You placing the order for pizzas?"

To which Eric nodded.

"Could you grab me a Dr. Pepper?" I asked Angela.

"No problem we'll be back in a few."

I didn't really have anything to say to Mike and Tyler so I continued to lean against Angela's car trying to fain interest in Will Forte.

"You are welcome to join us over here, the sound is much clearer." Mike offered.

Did I really want to sit with Mike and Tyler? No, but I figured I was trying to make new friends tonight so I should put in a little effort. I mumbled a thanks as I walked over. They made room for me between them. Not wanting to sit shoulder to shoulder with them I leaned back with my arms behind me to support my upper body. They both looked nervous as I sat there trying to ignore the awkwardness.

I flinched when I felt Tyler's hand rub up my leg. I was in the process of trying to sit up when Mike engulfed my face in a sloppy, wet, slobbery, kiss. I swear he licked from my eyes to my chin. Moaning as he reached for my chest. Tyler's hand was making its way up my thigh headed for the promise land. For a moment I was startled into submission. As soon as my brain processed what happening I began pushing Mike off of me. With my arms no longer behind me to prop me up Mike forced me to lie back as he continued his assault on my face. I turned my head crying out for them to stop.

"What's the matter, you're from California, you're used to showing a guy or two a good time."

_What the fuck does where I am from have to do with anything._ Using every ounce of strength I pushed passed their grabby hands and Mike's salivating mouth. Once outside the van I yelled,

"What the fuck is wrong with you guys?" I could feel the tears burning in my eyes.

"Come on don't be like that we were just having a little fun?" Mike answered.

"Yeah, don't make a big deal about this, you know you liked it. I could feel the heat coming off of you." Tyler added.

"Fuck you, and stay the fuck away from me." I started out yelling but by the end of my statement I lost my voice. I needed to get away; I was going to lose it. I didn't want them to see me cry.

I walked away with tears blurring my vision. I didn't know where I was going. I was in the middle of nowhere surrounded by cars full of people I didn't know enjoying themselves. I didn't want to chance a run in with the Talkies in the bathroom so that was out. I didn't want to have to explain myself to Angela so the Snack Shack was out. So I stumbled in the dark avoiding voices and cars. I vaguely remember hearing someone call my name but I continued walking eventually I stopped passing cars at the end of the row. I walked until I reached the fence outlining the perimeter of the lot. I grabbed the fence with both hands wanting nothing more than to scream; however my body had other plans. I doubled over and emptied the contents of my stomach. Pretty I know.

I was actively dry heaving and crying when I felt a soft touch on my back. I jumped away from the touch,

"Don't fucking touch me!"

I could see the fear in Rosalie's eyes, as she reached for me,

"What happened? Are you ok? Talk to me."

Now I know I said Rosalie didn't come across as the warmest person I'd met here but looking into her eyes I couldn't stop myself from throwing myself into her arms as I cried some more. She let me cry for a few minutes, rubbing my back and shushing me before tried drawing me out again.

"Bella listen to me, you have to tell me what's wrong."

I wiped my face; the anger over the whole situation was now coming I was no longer feeling sorry for myself.

"What's wrong? What's wrong? I want my life back. I don't like being attacked by my teachers, kicked out of classes, stared at like a science project, hearing people whisper about me constantly, listening to the Talkie Triplets, dirty looks and nasty comments from Hoss and his perfect chick-a-leader, people forcing themselves on me assuming I'm here for their sexual pleasure just because of my former zip code." I was close to hyper ventilating when I finished my rant.

"People forcing themselves on you? What did James do? Emmitt will kill him."

"What, James, what does he have to do with an-ything?"

"Not James…then who?" Rosalie asked with a look of total confusion on her face.

"I didn't say anything about James. Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dum, Mike and Tyler figured that because I'm a good time girl form Cali I would be ok with them kissing and groping on me."

"They what?" she screeched, grabbing my hand she pulled along, "Come on, Emmitt is going to kill them when he finds out. Here we thought James was your biggest problem." She trailed off muttering about nut-less wonders.

As we approached the pretty people pack, I realized I didn't want everyone knowing about tonight. I pulled Rosalie back,

"Rosalie, look, everything's ok. I'm fine. I don't really want everyone knowing about this it's embarrassing enough as it is. Please." I was begging her with my eyes. Before I secured an answer from her I was tossed over the gentle giant's shoulder. I knew it was just Emmitt but I couldn't stop myself from stiffening in his arms I didn't laugh or respond to him as he spun me around.

"Em put her down." Rosalie sensed my discomfort.

"Aw babe, I'm just excited the half-pint showed."

"I know you're happy to see me, but I'm not a bunny rabbit, you can't name me George, hug me and pet me and squeeze me." I tried to find my usual playful banter with Emmitt; it wasn't his fault I felt off.

"Looney Tunes, I love it!" Emmitt laughed. I noticed Hoss wasn't making eye contact with me, but his other half looked to be sucking on a lemon as she rolled her eyes at our display.

"I think I need to go and freshen up, I'll be right back." I looked to Rosalie hoping she would understand. I really did feel like I needed to wash Mike off my face and gather my wits about me. Alice jumped off Jasper's lap.

"I'll go with you." I tried to smile back at her but I'm sure it came out more as a grimace.

Rosalie was pulling Emmitt aside, I'm sure to fill him in on my night's events. _Great._

"You ok, you seem off?" Alice cocked her head at me.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She stared at me for a few paces before deciding to let it drop.

Thankfully the Talkies were not around when we reached the bathroom. I splashed water on my face. When I looked in the mirror, I was glad I always wore waterproof mascara. My face looked a blotchy thank god its dark outside. Alice remained quiet as she watched me. I rinsed my mouth out, and grabbed a paper towel to dry my face off. As I reached for the door, Alice put her hand on it to stop me,

"Are you really not going to tell me? I know we only just met, but you can talk to me."

"Alice," looking in her dark almost black eyes it was hard to make out her pupils, it reminded me of Shrek's Puss in Boots, sighing I answered. "I had a minor difference of opinion with Mike and Tyler earlier, but I took care of the situation. I'm good now."

She eyed me, wearily.

"I promise, I'm fine." I was going to leave it at that but then I remembered I would need to go back over by the jackasses to meet up with Angela later. Closing my eyes, I hated even asking, "But there is something you could do for me?"

"Anything," Alice promised with a bright smile.

"I came here with Angela, and I don't really want to have to face Mike or Tyler again tonight" she cut me off before I finished.

"I'll talk to Angela; we'll give you a ride home. I wish you trusted me enough to tell me what really happened but I will respect your privacy."

"Thanks Alice, and for what it's worth I do trust you, I just don't dwell on it anymore tonight."

We headed back over to join the rest of the gang. I could see Emmitt pacing back and forth in front of his Jeep. When he saw me, he ran over to me tucking me in to a huge bear hug. Crushing me while walking back over to the camping chairs sitting in their semi-circle he sat down with me on his lap.

"Are you sure you're ok Sweet Pea?" Emmitt asked as he brushed the hair out of my face.

I grabbed both sides of Emmitt's face and looked directly into his eyes, "They did no permanent damage, I promise," I leaned in placing a quick kiss on his forehead, "thanks for caring."

"Can I at least kick some ass for you?"

"No need to go all caveman on my behalf, let it go Em I'm fine."

I looked up to see Rosalie smiling at me, Alice just looked hurt.

"So what? Only Em and Rose are worthy of knowing exactly what happened with Mike and Tyler?" Alice huffed.

I felt Jasper and Hoss turn their gaze towards me waiting for my reply.

"Oh for the love of god, does she always have to be the center of attention? Eddie, I'm going to go find Irina meet me in the Shack." With a flick of her perfect hair over her shoulder Tanya wondered off.

"Gees, you people really know how to let it go. I had a slight altercation with Mike and Tyler earlier when they got a little grabby, but I handled it and I'm fine."

"B I hardly think sexually assaulting you is the same thing as getting a little grabby." Emmitt corrected.

I was rolling my eyes when Alice spoke,

"That's what you were referring to as your difference of opinion with those asshats?"

"Well that's what it was. They were of the opinion they could take something I was unwilling to give. I extricated myself from the situation, and now it's over, I'm fine. We all know what happened can we drop it now?" I took the time to make eye contact with each one of them not wanting to see the pity in their eyes but confirm that we were done discussing thing 1 and thing 2.

Alice's lip was quivering but she nodded. Jasper gave me a faint smile, Rosalie squeezed my hand, and Emmitt gave me puppy dog eyes but nodded. Finally I turned my attention to Edward, I could see rage in his eyes, his fists were clenched at his sides, when he spoke it was through his teeth.

"Are you sure you're ok?"

I rolled my eyes, "I'm fine, you don't have to fain interest on my account. We both know you don't care."

With an exasperated breath, "Whatever, I'll be back." Hoss stocked off, Alice jumped up trailing after him.

With closed eyes I took a deep cleansing breath. Emmitt pulled Rosalie onto his lap and offered me her seat. I plopped down next to Emmitt. Before too long Rosalie and Em were playing tonsil hockey completely wrapped up in one another. I was looking for something else to look at and listen to when Jasper spoke.

"They're pretty disgusting aren't they?" Jasper handed me a beer.

I chuckled as I looked over my shoulder at the two sucking face. "Yeah, if they weren't such great people I might have to re-think my friendships with them." I tipped my beer at him thanking him for the drink.

"They are, and they genuinely care for you as does Alice. I know we haven't had the chance to talk really, but if you need someone to listen I'm a good listener." Before I could interrupt him, he raised his hands in surrender. "I'm not going to ask you if you're ok. You would just tell me the same thing you've repeated four times already tonight, 'I'm fine.' You know it's ok if you're not fine?"

I opened my mouth but closed it again when I realized I was going to say I was fine. I smiled at Jasper. "You are a good listener, but I am sure I will be fine, it could have been a lot worse."

"You're right; it was only those two clowns. It could have been someone you really had to worry about."

"Let me guess this is the part in which you warn me about James too? What do you guys all have against him?"

"Did you know James used to hang out with us all the time, he was Edward's best friend?"

"No, I can't imagine them together, they seem so different." I scrunched my nose trying to mentally put the two side by side.

Jasper smiled at me, "They were, heck we were all pretty close, but you know how it is stuff happens, people change and go their different ways. James was a good guy, maybe he still is deep down. I'm sure they've only warned you because they care. I won't tell you to stay away from him just tread lightly where he is concerned."

"You guys are so cryptic about your warnings, what do you all suspect him to be an ax murderer but you just can't find the bodies to prove it?"

Laughing Jasper responded, "Just be careful."

Alice returned sitting on Jasper's lap. She informed me she let Angela know I was catching a ride home with her. I felt really bad about ditching Angela but I couldn't deal with thing 1 and thing 2 again tonight. I sat quietly through Letter's to Juliet rolling my eyes at the sappy rom-com. I was surrounded by perfectly matched couples, I wasn't even the 3rd or 5th wheel I was the 7th wheel. I felt pretty pathetic.

In all of my pathetic glory I helped myself to beer after beer as I tried to avoid looking at the physically active couple to my right not wanting to subject myself to their semi-pornographic make-out session. Jasper and Alice were not disgusting in their PDA but they seemed to be connected and watching them felt intrusive. The perfect couple on the other side of Jasper seemed cozy. Her perfect head was resting on his perfect chest, his perfect arm slung around her perfect back. I watched out of the corner of my eye as he nestled her perfect hair placing perfect kisses on her perfect hair.

As Sophie got her happy ending, I wondered if I would ever get mine. I was a bit buzzed but that was my consolation prize in this crappy night. The perfect couple stood up first. Hoss ushered his perfect 10 into his car. He then packed up their chairs and blankets. Alice if I was riding with her and Jasper, to which Emmitt responded for me,

"My Sweet Pea, I'll take her home." With that Emmitt tossed my over his shoulder and threw me into the back seat of his Jeep.

"Em, you realize I am not a rag doll, I have working limbs and a mouth. You don't have to pick me up and throw me around or answer for me all the time."

"I know but what fun would that be?"

Shaking my head at Emmitt's logic, I waved to Alice and Jasper calling out that I would see them on Monday. Rosalie sat shotgun cranking up the heat as Emmitt packed up the rest of the supplies.

"I hope this means you'll be sitting with us from now on?"

While I didn't want to blow off Angela entirely but I couldn't see sitting with those jerk offs every day, I certainly wouldn't miss the Talkies, "Um, I don't know. Don't you think it would be a little weird seeing as 1/3 of your table hates my guts?"

"No one hates you Bellie-bean." Emmitt offered.

"I'm sure your wrong where Hoss and Strawberry Short Cake are concerned." Emmitt just laughed but did not correct my statement.

"Why Hoss? I get Strawberry Short Cake, but why is Edward Hoss?" Rosalie asked.

"Oh, well, I didn't know his name when I first met him and while I was imagining his _head on a stupid stick_ I decided to dub him Hoss. It just kinda stuck in my head, seeing as he annoys me so often I frequently imagine him in his decapitated form." I realized how stupid it sounded as I finished my explanation.

"Is that why you laughed and didn't correct him when he asked if you were a Bonanza fan?" Emmitt was chuckling and shaking his head at me.

"Do you mind if I start calling him Hoss too?" Rosalie asked.

"Feel free it would probably annoy him if it caught on."

"You're evil, Mini-Me." Emmitt teased as he pulled up in front of my house.

"Tell me about it Fat Bastard, later Rose. I'll see you guys Monday."

I could hear Emmitt's booming laugh as he drove away and I made my way into the house. I was exhausted so I made my way up the stairs. Stopping in the bathroom, I washed my face and brushed my teeth. Peeling off my jeans after I toed off my shoes I walked into my room. I slipped my sweater over my head and crawled into bed.

**This ended up being a longer chapter than I initially intended. It was important to get though Bella's first weekend to further develop her budding friendships with everyone. Well everyone with the exception of Hoss. Please review, this is my first FF and I desperately want some feedback.**


	6. Chapter 6

**So, I found time to hammer out another chapter between cramming for midterms. It's another long one. I am starting to see a pattern. The length is directly proportionate to the level of stress in RL. At any rate, I hope you enjoy. I do not own Twilight or any of the recognizable characters, plots or settings and my toying around with them is not intended as any type of copyright infringement of Stephanie Meyer's work.**

I finally had the opportunity to talk to Jaci on Sunday. When I suggested we call Lucy, Jaci said she didn't feel like sharing me. I couldn't help but wonder if they were having problems, but she glossed over my questions regarding her refusal to talk about Lucy. I told Jaci all about my weekend, including Tyler and Mike. She assured me that I wasn't out of line to be incensed by the theory that as a former resident of California I would welcome their aggressive advances.

I gushed about Emmitt and how he made me feel like I really belonged. I told her how in my new 'friends' I found personalities similar to her and Lucy but the bodies' were switched. I told her about Rosalie's reserved nature and how in some ways she reminded me a Jaci in that respect but she was built like a leggy blond bombshell and yet she was not tartly. I explained that Alice was like Silvermist on speed, because of Alice's pixi like appearance all she was lacking was Silvermist's long flowing mane. Alice's vibrancy was similar to Lucy's. I admitted that I thought Hoss is undeniably the most beautiful male specimen I've ever come across unfortunately every time he opened his mouth he ruined my fantasies. After explaining how taxing I found all my interactions with him I told her I was being cautious about my budding friendship with Alice because of how close she and Hoss were.

Jaci was just as curious as I was about James. We both speculated as to what he had done to make everyone warn me off of him. In the end, she reminded me that I probably wasn't ready for a relationship just yet, but it wouldn't hurt to get to know him and decided for myself what kind of person he was. This was sound advice from my oldest friend. I joked that Lucy would probably have told me to jump him to get over Jake and deal with the consequences later. This comment usually would have launched a verbal montage of Lucy's finer judgments but Jaci barely acknowledged it. That's when I knew something was up between the two of them, but I also knew Jaci would open up about it when she was ready.

Jaci promised I would hear from her on Tuesday. She swore she had a huge surprise for me, but that was all she would tell me. I begged her to give me a hint but she promised it would be worth the wait. I eventually let it go, because I knew I wouldn't get any information out of her. After telling each other how much we loved and missed each other we said good-bye.

I tried calling Lucy but either she forgot to charge her phone again, _not totally outside the realm of possibility_ or she was screening. I left a quick message hoping she would call me back so I could figure out what was up with her and Jaci.

I figured I should call Angela and explain for myself why I ditched out on her the night before. I wasn't sure what Alice had told her.

"Hey Angela, I'm sorry about last night. I don't know what Alice said but" I didn't get to finish my thought because Angela interrupted me.

"Really it's fine. I got to go, I'll see you around." Angela's tone was clipped.

"Um – ok are you sure everything is fine?"

"It was fine that I didn't have to give you a ride home. I gotta go. Bye."

_What the fuck is that supposed to mean?_ Sure, it was rude of me not to tell her personally why I was ditching out on her, but she didn't even let me explain why. _Did she know why?_ _What had Alice told her? Why didn't you ask Alice last night dumbass? Maybe Angela was busy not everything in the world is about you. _

The next morning I was sure classes with Tyler and Mike would be tense and awkward. Not to mention that I was still trying to make sense of Angela's curtness. I walked to school as per my new routine and made my way to Calculus with my ear buds in place. I noticed I was receiving just as may looks as I had my first day of school. My ears were burning but I tried to convince myself that it was all in my head.

I tried to talk to Angela but she gave me the cold shoulder. _ Ok, so yesterday wasn't about her being busy._ I noticed I got more than one dirty look from Jess and a few other girls.

I walked into history where Alice gave me her usual mega-smile. I tried to ignore the unsettling feeling in my stomach. I couldn't figure out why I was anxious, but I kept getting the strangest looks from both the male and female student population. I couldn't tell you what Mrs. Mader talked about for 50 minutes. I'm sure the look of consternation on my face made me look like the most attentive fuckin' student ever or like I didn't comprehend the English language. On my way out she pulled me aside.

"Bella, listen I was thinking about the huge discrepancy in standards with you being in this class versus government. I talked to the principal and the school counselor we came to an agreement. If you write an essay on each major title from the government book and a five page research paper you can take the class as an independent study. That means you don't have to come to class every day instead you'll meet with me to turn in your work and develop your research topic. What do you say?"

"That would be fantastic."

"I thought you would feel that way. Here is a basic outline of what I will expect from you, how about we plan on meeting Friday's during the last 10-15 minutes of lunch?"

"I say that sounds perfect. So I guess I will see you tomorrow then?"

"Use your time wisely." With a smile she let me go.

I was so focused on my newly found free period I almost forgot feeling of impending doom from earlier. That was until I heard someone say 'slut' as I walked by. My head whipped around only to find a cluster of twats who were giggling, obviously they weren't talking to me.

Angela continued to ignore me in English. I still had no idea why she was so miffed with me. Mr. Mason rambled on about transcendentalism while I tried to rationalize Angela's behavior. When class ended Alice skipped up to my side.

"You're going to sit with us today right?"

I looked to Angela who got up and walked out of class as if she had not heard or cared what we were talking about. I looked to Hoss who rolled his eyes at me.

"Um yeah I guess," I leaned over to whisper, "are you sure that's a good idea?"

"You guys didn't kill each other Saturday, I'm sure you can make it through lunch."

I rolled my eyes at her logic and made my way to Biology which passed uneventfully. So far I was doing a good job ignoring Mike and Tyler I figured I would just add Hoss to the list of people I didn't see.

I felt like more people were whispering about me as I made my way to the cafeteria. _Sure because the rest of the world has nothing better to do than talk about you._ I rolled my eyes at my growing paranoia. Grabbing a salad and a bottle of lemonade I made my way over to my new lunchtime companions. As I passed my old table I overheard Lauren's not so quiet conversation with Jessica.

"She is such a whore; I told you it was only a matter of time before everyone knew it."

I looked at her when she said this, but she made a big show of leaning further into the table to finish her conversation. When I finally sat down at my own table I mumbled hi to everyone as I started picking at my salad. I was still inside my own head trying to figure out what was up with Angela and why I felt so off today.

"No Edward, I don't see why we have to get stuck with the school slut just because your brother took her on as a charity case." I looked up to find the whinny voice belonging to Strawberry Short Cake.

"What the hell Tanya?" Emmitt gave her a withering glare.

"What, the whole school is talking about it? Irina told me about what happened with Mike and Tyler Saturday."

"And your saying what happened makes me a slut?" I asked completely indignant to her.

"Well what would you call someone who blows one guy while jacking off the other?"

There were several gasps from around the table, I vaguely heard Hoss say Tanya's name with a note of hostility.

"What?" I jumped to my feet knocking my chair over in the process. The noise must have gathered everyone in the cafeteria's attention because the room grew eerily silent.

"Fuck you Poison Ivy for believing something so asinine," I turned around and yelled out, "fuck the rest of you for repeating such obvious bull shit," I leveled my eyes to at Tyler and Mike, "and fuck you both, I wouldn't suck you off or touch your junk with someone else's body let alone my own."

I stormed out of the cafeteria not waiting around for anyone's reaction to my outburst. I walked out and into the first bathroom I found. I was pacing across the room like a caged animal. _I fucking hate this place!_ I kicked the first thing I spotted enjoying the dent I left in the trashcan and the sound echoing in the room as it slammed into the cinderblock wall behind it.

"Bella?" I turned around to see Rosalie and Alice standing in the door way. Alice approached me timidly.

"Bella, it's not that bad, you'll see. This will all blow over before you know it."

"Not that bad. Not that bad, I'm sure you'd feel the same way if everyone thought you were all about the devil's three-way offering up blowjobs and hand jobs for kicks. You'd be fucking ecstatic right?" Alice backed up like my words had stung her.

"Bella…"

"No Rose, just forget it. Fuck it I'm outta' here." I left them both standing in the bathroom. I know it wasn't their fault and I shouldn't have taken it out on them. I just needed to be left alone.

I found myself sitting in the same spot I had my first day of school at lunch. I was fuming, but thankful there were no tears. I was too angry to cry. I wasn't taken by surprise when he cleared his throat.

"I thought you could use your flask right about now."

I nodded for him to take a seat next to me. He passed me my flask which was full again. I took a big swig enjoying the burn as the elixir went down.

"Rough one eh?"

"Understatement of the century, my dear," I responded before taking another drink.

James just chuckled and took out a cigarette; he waited for me to nod before he lit it. I pulled the cigarette from his lips before he finished drawing his first drag. He raised his eyebrows at me.

"What we've established I'm having a rough one already, give me a break." Once again he chuckled at me. I couldn't find the humor in the situation.

I alternated between drawing on the cigarette and drinking. As I snuffed out the butt I found myself more at ease with the lightheadedness from the cigarette and the warm tingle rushing through my blood from the gin. I let out a sigh leaning my head back to rest on the brick wall behind me.

"How do you do it?" I asked.

"Do what?"

"Live here, come back to this miserable place day after day, walk around this town day after day and not go home and try to slit your wrists every night?" He chuckled again.

"Why are you letting them get to you?" The bell signaling the end of lunch rang. James got up to presumably go to class, "you coming?"

"No, I think I'm just going to sit here for a little bit longer."

"Tisk, Tisk, Tisk ditching already Swan, it's only the second week of school."

"Something like that, thanks for returning my flask in my moment of need."

"No problem, keep your head up," with a wink he walked away.

I stayed huddled up drinking my troubles away as the rain started. Only when the next bell rang did I uncurl myself. I was cold, drenched and drunk. I stumbled in the direction of the gym catching curious stares. _Fuck 'em, fuck 'em all. Ha I sound like a belligerent old drunk, nice._ People avoided my path; it was like the parting of the red sea as I made my way across campus. I didn't make eye contact or acknowledge anyone.

I fumbled to change into my PE uniform; I heard snickers from the other girls as I struggled. I growled at them. _Apparently I growl now, who needs words when animistic rumbles get the point across._

Because of the rain we were playing dodge ball today. When Emmitt picked me for his team I stumbled into him.

"You ok there pumpkin?"

"Jus peachy" his eyes widened as he took me in.

"Are you drunk?" he whispered into my ear.

"Iz five o'clock somewhere," I wagged my eyebrows at him before bending over in a fit of laughter.

Emmitt groaned rubbing his hands down his face.

Sex on legs stepped around Emmitt and asked, _damn he is still fuck-hot_, "What's wrong with her?"

"She's drunk," Emmitt answered.

Sex on legs looked me up and down in obvious disapproval, "You've got to be kidding me."

I stopped laughing, "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" sex on legs asked confused.

"Speak, you're so pretty, but then you open your mouth and then," gesturing widely, "poof it's ruined."

Emmitt started laughing while sex on legs looked at me like I was growing another head.

It didn't take too long for me to get tagged with a cherry ball. I was grateful as I took a seat on the bleachers. After a few more people were tagged out I felt their stares but noticed they were giving me a wide berth. _Crazy's not contagious assholes, but maybe slut is…hmm I'll have to webMD that shit later._

My buzz was wearing off as class drug on. I started thinking about Angela and how she was acting towards me. _What kind of person ignores someone who is the target of rumors? Does she believe them? What does that say about her? About what she really thinks of me?_ I realized I was glad I wasn't that invested in her friendship because I'm pretty sure I didn't want to be friends with someone that stupid.

I started making my way over to the locker room when class ended. Emmitt ran up to stop me.

"You're not walking home are you?"

"Of course not Major Healy," I crossed my arms and did my best I Dream of Jeannie impersonation.

"Smart ass," Em rolled his eyes, "will you please catch a ride with Rosie."

"Yeah, I'm not sure she would be interested in giving me a ride home after everything." I trailed off at the end feeling like a cad for the way I walked out on her and Alice earlier.

"B I know she is not upset with you she gets it, you needed some space."

I was chewing on my lip as I considered what he said when Rose walked up to us.

"Hey," I said ashamedly, "I'm sorry about before."

"Don't worry about it, how are you, better now?" Rose asked.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Of course she's better, she's drunk." Emmitt tattled.

"Shut it Em, I'm not drunk…anymore." Rose looked at me with disappointment. _Don't judge me._

"Babe, can you give her a ride home, she probably shouldn't walk in her condition?" Em asked.

"Sure," Rose answered immediately.

"My condition, I'm not incapacitated." I grumbled.

Shaking their heads at me Rose told me, "Go change and maybe I'll feed you before I take you home."

"I'm not a puppy I don't need to be fed…although I could kill for some chili-cheese fries."

I left them chuckling as I finally went to change. I realized my clothes were still soaking wet so I stuffed them into my bag and came back out. They both looked at me confused.

"Ya, so cocktail hour took place outside in the rain I had a hard enough time stripping my clothes off I doubt I could get them back on."

"Come on genius," Rose pulled me away while calling back to Emmitt, "Call me after practice babe."

"Bye Em," I added.

"Bye B. Take care of her Rosie, we'll talk later." Em jogged of to get ready for football practice as Rose and I made our way to the parking lot.

As we slipped into Rose's candy apple red Mustang I thought I should apologize again, "I really am sorry about earlier. I just needed some time to process, you know, wrap my head around everything."

"Wrap your head around everything or your mouth around a bottle? I mean really Bella where did you even get alcohol at school?"

"My flask" I felt like I was being lectured by my mother. _Not that Renee lectures me often, but if I did have a lecturing type mother I'm sure this is how it would feel._

"You carry your flask at school?" Rose asked flabbergasted.

"No. James was returned it to me." _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._ I was kicking myself as soon as I said his name.

"So now you're drinking with James at school?" her voice came out an octave higher than normal.

"No," I sighed, "James didn't drink with me" _Technically that's true, I was the only one drinking. _"I lent James my flask on Friday night he returned it to me today at school. It was just a happy coincidence that it helped me though fifth period. Before you freak out that I ditched fifth, I have independent study that class."

With an exasperated sigh Rose let it go, "Fine, but seriously Bella, you have to know that no one really believes that about you."

"Really, that must be why Angela is Antarctica right now, or why Polly Pocket was screeching about sitting with Mary Magdalene at lunch."

Rose snorted, "You really hate using people's names don't you?"

"I'm bad with names." I shrugged my shoulders bothered that she didn't argue with my statement.

We drove in silence for a while before pulling into the diner. We slid into a booth Rose ordered a coke and some onion rings while I requested a coke and my chili-cheese fries.

"They got in a huge fight after you left." _Who starts a conversation with a pronoun? Not to mention starting a total non-sequitur with a pronoun._

"What? Who?" I asked.

"Tanya and Edward" Rose informed me.

"Why?" I was still not following the conversation. Rose rolled her eyes.

"You, Edward was livid about what she said about you, not to mention the scene that ensued." _Again, why?_

"Huh, I assumed he would be pissed that I 'fuck you'd' Poison Ivy."

"Not really, though that only added fuel to the fire. Tanya couldn't believe that he wasn't pissed at you. That reminds me explain Poison Ivy?"

"The only red-headed villain I could think of on the fly, Strawberry Short Cake didn't feel like it fit the tenor of my rant."

Rose laughed as she tore apart an onion ring eating the bread and discarding the onion.

"Your mind works in mysterious ways. I don't think I want to know what you call me."

I could feel the heat in my cheeks, "I'm pretty sure the worst I've called you is glamazon."

"What about Alice?" she prodded.

"I think I referred to her as Silvermist on speed…you know the Disney Fairy." Rose was holding her sides as she laughed at my apt description of Alice. Feeling the need to justify myself I continued, "To be honest I usually do it to describe people when I don't remember their names. I only refer to people by those references on a regular basis if they are someone that I can't stand or I don't like. Even with Em the names I use change because it's a game, it's not about my refusal to acknowledge him as a real person."

"So what does that mean when it comes to Edward and Tanya?"

"I guess it would be accurate to say I can't stand one and don't like the other." I didn't elaborate further and she didn't ask.

We finished up our snack, and paid our bill. When we pulled up in front of my house Rose stopped me as I was about to get out.

"Can I give you a ride to school in the morning?"

"Are you sure it's not out of your way?"

"I wouldn't offer if I didn't want to give you a ride."

"That would be great Rose, thanks."

"You can thank me by leaving the flask at home tomorrow" Rose mothered.

I rolled my eyes, "Consider it done, thanks again. I'll see you in the morning."

With that I jumped out of the car and ran up the stoop and into the house. Charlie was still at work when I got home and Renee was out. I took the opportunity to take a shower. When I got out I figured it was a good time to wash my PE uniform and soggy clothes. I finished my homework while my clothes was washing and drying.

I passed on dinner with Charlie and Renee with a kiss goodnight I retreated into my room for the night. As I sat on my bed I thought about the last two weeks of my fifteenth year of life. If someone would have asked me how I would be spending my sixteenth birthday I never in a million year would have imagined myself here. Nothing about my life was the way I thought it would be. I dozed off while staring out my window trying to look through the clouds for a star to wish upon that tomorrow would be the start to a better year.

I woke to Renee climbing into bed with me at six the next morning. This was a tradition every year on my birthday. She would run her hands through my hair and recant the story of the day I was born. With my eyes closed as she ran her hand though my hair I smiled.

"Sixteen years ago today I woke up at six in the morning. I was as big as a house; after all I had a two week old baby inside of me. You were stubborn even then. The day before my doctor told me that if you hadn't made your way out over night I was to go to the hospital at seven in the morning for them to induce labor. After we had showered, your dad and I packed up my bag with your coming home outfit. There was no rushing or hysterics just anticipation to finally meet you. We checked in at the hospital after I was settled in my bed they started an IV and pushed the drugs to start my labor. After seven and a half hours and several additional doses of the labor inducing medicine it was time to start pushing. Your dad held my hand and I pushed for what felt like forever but at 4:20 pm on September 13th you finally made your way into the world. You had a head full of dark curls stuck to your head, and deep soulful brown eyes your pale skin has a pink flush from your journey into the world. Your dad and I both cried when we set our eyes upon you for the first time. You were our Bella, you were perfect and beautiful and you still are sixteen years later. Happy Birthday baby, I love you."

"Thanks mom, I love you too." She kissed me on my head and told me to hurry up for my birthday breakfast.

I was glad I showered the night before because it gave me the chance to straighten my hair this morning. I applied my usual make up and pulled on a pair of black leggings then threw a long royal blue button down on. With a wide black patent leather belt at my waist and matching flats I was ready. When I walked into the kitchen Renee and Charlie were sitting at the table with a platter full of cupcakes in front of them. A single cupcake in the center had a lit candle in it. They sang me happy birthday and I blew out the candle recalling my wish for a better year.

As I ate my chocolate cupcake with vanilla frosting my phone rang, it was Jaci.

"Tell me, tell me, tell me." I demanded when I answered the phone.

"Happy Birthday! I hope you're sitting down 'cause you're not going to believe what your birthday present is…"

"I'm sitting, I'm sitting now tell me!"

Renee and Charlie were snickering at my impatience.

"You're coming home this weekend!"

"I'm coming home?" I looked to Charlie and Renee for confirmation.

"You bet your sweet ass you are. You'll get here Friday afternoon and I get to keep you till Sunday evening. I got to run but we'll talk more later. I love you, you'll always be my heterosexual life partner, have a kick ass day!"

"Love you too," I had barely finished saying 'too' and she was gone. I couldn't help the smile splitting my face at the moment. I had to ask again, "Really, I get to go home?"

"We know your homesick sweetie, when Darla called to say how down Jaci has been too we couldn't say no. We have been worried about you and Darla worried about Jaci that's what we do as parents," Renee informed me.

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. You don't know how great this is. It is more than I could have thought to ask for." I jumped up hugging them both.

"Well that was actually a gift from Jaci and Darla to be honest we just agreed to let you go. We have another gift for you." Charlie corrected as he stood up, Renee followed suit.

Grabbing my hands they pulled me out to the unattached garage. Charlie threw open the door to reveal Grandma Swan's car. I cocked my head to the side, "I thought you sold it before we got here?"

"Actually your father had picked up by a mechanic before we got here to have it looked over bumper to bumper, its been tuned up, and has new tires. It's yours as soon as you get your drivers license." Renee answered.

"You're giving me my own car? That's freaking awesome."

"So I guess you better pass your test today." Charlie winked.

For the second time this morning I threw my arms around my parents to thank them. _So far things are looking up._

"Go finish your breakfast, just because I'm looking the other way while you play hooky with your mom this afternoon doesn't mean you can take the whole day off," Charlie scooted me back towards the house.

I swallowed the last bit of my cupcake and washed it down with a glass of milk as Rose honked for me outside.

"I'll be by the school before lunch to pick you up, love you," Renee called out.

"Have a great day and good luck today kiddo," Charlie added.

"Thanks, I love you guys," I yelled back as I went out to meet Rose.

I couldn't keep the shit eating grin off my face as I settled myself into Rose's car.

"You seem much happier today have you already hit the sauce this morning?" Rose asked.

I didn't want to explain that it was my birthday and I had just been give two of the best gifts ever so instead I said, "No, I haven't started drinking, yet. I just found out I get to go home this weekend. I leave Friday and won't be back until Sunday night. By the way, just a heads up I'm leaving early today so I won't need a ride home."

"You're not going home because of what happened at school right?"

"What? No, it is completely unrelated; it was a surprise from my best friend. Her mom worked it out with my parents last weekend but I didn't find out about it until this morning. I know I didn't handle everything very well yesterday but give me some credit."

"You're right, I'm sorry. I'm happy you're happy. I guess since I probably won't see you later at school, I won't see you again until the morning."

"Actually, I don't think I will need a ride to school tomorrow but thanks for the offer." I got out of the car slinging my bag over my shoulder and headed for Calc.

I was so happy today it was easy to ignore the whispers and stares. I refused to let anyone get to me today, it was my day and I was going to enjoy it. As I took my seat Angela grabbed my arm.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry about yesterday." I cut her off before she could continue.

"Don't worry about it I'm over it." She smiled at me as she took in my words, but then I continued, "After the way you treated me yesterday based on a **lie** you believed about me without having the decency to ask me about it personally I think it is safe to assume that you think very little of me. Frankly, I don't need someone like you in my life. Thank you for being kind to me last week and including me in your circle but knowing the wretched kind of people you call friends I think we are done."

I shrugged my shoulders at her and turned to face the front of the room. Her eyes welled up while I was talking but I can't say I felt bad for what I said.

After class I found Alice and apologized for the way I had acted in the bathroom yesterday. She gave me a bone crushing hug assuring me there was nothing to be forgiven. _For such a tiny little sprite she is like a vice._ On our way to English later Alice talked non-stop with only the occasional nod from me to encourage her. I noticed Hoss walking on the other side of Alice but I never acknowledged him or him me.

On my way to Biology I noted a similar look was plastered on the faces I passed in the hall, trepidation. Everyone was looking at me like I was holding a live grenade in my hand with the pin in my mouth. I guess my freak out in the cafeteria left most people thinking I need to up my medicine. Of course the maniacal smile that spreads across my face when I think about my birthday presents doesn't scream mentally stable either. I can deal with people fearing I'm crazy it's an easier swallow than slore.

I was smiling again as I sat in Biology when Hoss took his seat next to me. I felt him watching me for a few minutes; with a sigh and a roll of my eyes I turned to face him.

"Hey, so…you look…how are you doing today?" he asked.

"I'm good," I answered as I continued eyeing him in an effort to figure out why he was even asking.

Hoss ran his hand through his hair seeming to search for his next words, "Good, I'm…I was"

He didn't get the chance to finish his thought because class started. _He is…He was…what? Figures the first civil conversation I have with the guy and we get interrupted._ I continued to wonder all through class what he wanted to say. I hated that it mattered to me. I found myself looking over at him to see if I could decipher what was on his mind by looking at him. _Nope._ A couple of times he caught me looking at him but rather than the usual daggers he would throw at me the corner of his lips would lift slightly on the right side in not quite a smile or a smirk but the beginnings of one.

I was called to the office before the end of the period so chances are the next time I saw Edward the truce would be over and I would get daggers all over again and I would never know what he intended to say.

Renee and I opted for gas station junk food instead of lunch. She was vibrating with excitement for me as we drove to Port Angeles. She quizzed me on traffic laws prepping me for my written test. The DMV was small, unlike the office I went to in San Diego to apply for my permit. It was a short wait before I was given my written test. I missed one question, the posted speed limit on an interstate in Washington. My road test was quick and painless I got a perfect score. After taking my picture and getting my temporary license I was official and made my inaugural voyage as a legal driver.

As we drove into town we stopped off to pick up a pizza before heading home. It was a quiet night with Charlie and Renee; we sat together in the living room watching my most favorite movie of all time; Breakfast at Tiffany's. Renee and I were wrapped up in Audrey Hepburn and George Peppard mouthing nearly every line. Charlie was a good sport and didn't complain once. When the movie was over I went to bed happy that my first day of sixteen was relatively drama free, hoping for another 364 just like it.

I couldn't wait to drive myself to school on Wednesday. Once I was ready for school Charlie felt the need to lay down the law as we walked to the garage.

"Driving a car is a huge responsibility, you need to keep up your grades, if you want to keep your car there will be no drinking or speeding or unapproved trips out of town or sex"

Once we reached sex I figured it was time to stop Charlie, "I get it dad, keep my nose clean, can I have the keys now?"

With a sigh he dropped them in my waiting palm. As I slipped behind the wheel it dawned on me that I probably wouldn't have a car if we were still in San Diego. As I started her up I couldn't help but smile, sure she was as old as I was but she was all mine. _She needs a name…Libby._ I felt like I should throw some water on her as I baptized her as Libby. She was a old Chrystler LaBaron, darker red than maroon and with only 37 thousand miles on her; she has plenty of good miles left in her. _Thank you Grandma, I promise to take good care of Libby._ It's not often you actually get the used car the a little old lady rarely drove but meticulously kept up. Even the seats were in pristine condition thanks to the drapes Grandma used to keep them covered. _I love you._ I kissed Libby as I hugged the steering wheel.

With the car bonding complete I made my way to school in **my** car. I pulled into the parking lot a couple of minutes later making my way to class knowing that if I can get through the next two days I would be going home. Even if people here weren't my true friends, _Angela_, in about sixty hours I would get to see **my** friends.

We had a pop quiz in Calculus after which Mr. Vile asked me to demonstrate my solutions for the class. _How pathetic is his life when he is getting off on harassing a sixteen year old. Looser._ Lucky me, I made a mistake in one of my solution sets. Vile used that as an excuse to explain to the rest of the class the importance of not only showing up to class but understanding the material. I counted down the seconds until class was over.

Once again Hoss, Alice and I walked to classes together. _Kind of together._ I had the feeling that Hoss was only walking next to Alice because it was habit for him to be with her. I doubted he had always done this in silence. _Nope that is all me._

After English I told Alice I would see her at lunch and headed for Biology all by myself, I didn't bother to wait for Hoss knowing he only tolerated me because Alice wanted me around. I took my seat and Hoss followed suit immediately after. I looked over curious to see if he would I would be the recipient of eye daggers today. _Huh._ No daggers just indifference. _I think I liked the daggers better._

Today we were starting our first lab it was going to take a week to complete as we gathered data every day. Thankfully, _I think_, we were able to work together without actually talking to one another. I grabbed Petri dishes as he collected the beakers. He passes me half the mustard seeds we each seeded our respective containers. When we were done I answered the lab questions in respect to the Petri dishes and passed him my sheet, after he was done with it he passed me his answers. Because we worked semi-independently, we were the first one's finished.

Now that we weren't doing anything the silence became awkward. After doodling aimlessly for a few minutes I decided to break the silence wondering who would show his face today, the stuttering somewhat civil 'everyman' or the smokin' hot jerk, Tyler Durden.

"So, me joining y'all for lunch isn't going to be too weird with Tanya and everything, or is it?" D_umbass, the fact that you couldn't even construct that question without it coming out weird should serve as an indication as to how lunch will go down. You couldn't ask about the weather? _I put my forehead down on my books as I waited for him to respond.

"Lunch will be fine, don't worry about it."

"It's not that I'm worried so much as…" turning my head to look up at him I continued, "I know the fact that I get along with Em and everyone is weird for you. He's your brother, and they are **your** friends. I know I would have been annoyed if someone about whom I had made it clear I didn't like came in to my group of friends and everyone was instantly buddy-buddy with that person it would bug me." I shrugged my shoulders, "so I get that it sucks."

He stared at me for a long time before he finally responded, "have you ever noticed you are always telling me how much I dislike you?"

I narrowed my eyes as I took in what he said, "I'm just holding up a mirror."

He shook his head muttering as he focused his attention out the window. We didn't say anything else to each other, when the bell rang a little while later we parted ways as we left the classroom.

As I was standing in line at the cafeteria I suddenly found myself in a head lock. _Fucking Emmitt._

"Where have you been, I've missed you my snack-sized friend?"

"I swear to god, I am going to knock you on your overgrown ass one day when you least expect it my king-sized pain in the ass," I threatened.

With a loud guffaw Emmitt gave me a noogie before letting me go. I righted myself and smoothed down my hair noticing that I was once again the object of stares in the cafeteria. I shook my head at the big lug next to me as we made our way through the line.

"Are you still over the moon about your trip?" Rose asked.

"Abso-fucking-lutely."

"Where are you going?" Alice joined our conversation sounding just as excited as I felt.

"Home, just for the weekend, but it's better than nothing," I answered.

"You're already ditching us?" Em asked.

"I'm not ditching anyone; I'm going home for a weekend visit. I'm leaving Friday and I'll be back Sunday evening. You won't even miss me."

"So you're not coming to the game Friday?" Em was in full on pout mode.

"I didn't plan it so that I would miss your game Junior. In fact I didn't plan it at all; my oldest friend in the world and her mom surprised me with the trip yesterday. You'll just have to kick ass and give me the Cold Pizza version on Monday."

"You're lucky I'm so forgiving tiny dancer." Em announced.

"Did you need a ride home today?" Rose asked.

"Actually my walking days are behind me," I announced as I shook my keys at Rose.

"Does the Chief know you've gone all Judas Priest," Emmitt threw up a fist with his pointer and pinky stick up doing his best Butt-Head impersonation, "breaking the law, breaking the law."

Choking on the water I had just taken a drink of I was turning red from my fit of laughter, Emmitt joined me in a convulsive laugh while the rest of the table laughed at us not quite getting the reference.

"Oh my god Em you are such a dumbass but god do I love you." I declared when I was able to speak again.

"What's not to love?" Em asked proud of the reaction he elicited from me.

"Are you sure you guys weren't twins separated at birth?" Alice asked.

"We totally are, our birth mother Mary Ann Benedict held me in for an extra eighteen months hoping to grow me a bit more but I still ended up Danny DeVito to his Arnald Schwarzenegger sized ass," I retorted before Emmitt and I dissolved into fits of laughter again.

With the rest of the table rolling their eyes at us we eventually calmed. I had to admit I was having a really good time at lunch. But that was when I realized the perfect pair was absent from our fete. I looked around the room for the first time since taking my seat. I found Hoss sitting with Super Teen Skipper and the rest of her Mattel inspired friends. When I locked eyes with him I saw things were back to normal for us. _And to think I missed those daggers. _Rose followed my eyes.

"She demanded that they boycott all of us." I look around the table feeling really guilty.

"I'm sorry guys. I'm sorry I had to fight in the middle of your Black Panther party," _yes I quoted Forrest Gump._ "Seriously, me getting to know you guys shouldn't come at the expense of your family and friends. You know I think you guys are fabulous but I can't help but feel this is wrong."

_No wonder he hates you, you've stolen his friends and brother and now he's stuck in the leaper colony._

"We didn't tell Edward to sit with her, nor did we tell her not to sit with us," now that Alice had my attention she continued, "You seem to be under the impression that the six of us are inseparable. The five of us had been inseparable for a really long time. Jazz, Rose and Em have always looked out for Edward and I. I think when Rose and Em got together it was still pretty much the same, but when Jazz and I finally admitted our feelings for each other it was really hard on Edward." Alice looked at Jasper with absolute devotion in her eyes.

"Anyway, even after we got together it was still just the five of us. I think he was lonely, not that he didn't have a constant string of willing and able partners. One day he decided he wanted a girlfriend. They have been dating since last spring and we all tolerate her because she seems to make him happy but she has never been that close to the rest of us." Alice looked over to where Edward was sitting with a sad sigh.

Em took his turn next, "You are the best little sister I could have ever asked for. Now that I've found you I'm not giving you back and if Skipper doesn't like it too bad. Edward's my brother and you're my sister eventually you two will learn to get along. Family sticks together, end of story."

"Even so, I'm sure this is hard on you guys too, but for what it's worth thanks for wanting to keep me," I bumped shoulders with Emmitt, "you know, despite the upheaval I've caused. You guys have been the best part of my move."

The bell signaling the end of lunch rang.

"All right bitches, enough of this Lifetime movie moment shit, knowledge awaits" with that Emmitt pulled Rose up, Jasper and Alice followed as they made their way out of the cafeteria.

In no particular rush with nowhere to be, I eventually made my over the library. After finishing most of my homework I decided to head over to the gym in hopes of changing early and maybe finding a few minutes to shoot hoops before PE started.

I changed and found a basketball while the fifth period class was still out on the field. I was running through some basic agility drills to warm up before I started practicing jump shots from there it turned into one-on-imaginary-one. For the first time in two weeks I was just playing, there was no internal monologue. I wasn't thinking about my parents, school, home, my old or new friends. I wasn't worried about what anyone thought of me or what I'd given up, I just was.

I never heard the fifth period class come back into the gym, nor did I notice that some of my classmates had stopped to watch me play. It wasn't until Emmitt picked off one of my rebounds that I became aware of my surroundings.

"Damn Hoops, you didn't tell me you played" Em accused.

"You never asked" I responded.

"You're good…for a girl."

"I know. I'm better than most boys" I challenged.

"Ha, basketball may not be my thing, but you can't honestly think you could beat me?" Emmitt asked while puffing up his chest.

"The court is my ring, anytime, any place King Hippo" I goaded.

"Game on Spud Webb, just let me change" Emmitt passed the ball back to me.

"Unless you're changing in to someone with some actual skills it's not really going to matter what you are wearing, but take your time" I teased.

"Big talk from a little girl" Emmitt offered over his shoulder.

I cracked my neck as I waited. The rest of my audience had retreated to the locker rooms to change for class. Emmitt came barreling out the locker room with Hoss hot on his heels. He gave me his second favorite look, _I guess I was growing another head again._

Coach Clapp blew his whistle ordering everyone to the field. Emmitt and I had matching expressions of disappointment.

"Hey Coach, Bella and I were just about to play a quick game of 21, can we join everybody else in a minute?" Emmitt begged.

I nodded my head vigorously, wanting to put my hands together and say please, please, please.

"Make it quick Cullen and what ever you do, don't hurt her" Coach clap mumbled.

I huffed at the suggestion.

"Rules?" Emmitt asked.

"Street, first to 21, everything counts for 1 unless it's outside the arc in which case it's two, ball is checked into play after a score, you good?" I asked.

"What about fouls?" Emmitt asked.

I rolled my eyes, "call your own if you need them, what are you afraid I'm gonna hurt you?"

"No, how about Edward refs?"

"Em there are no refs in pick-up, no blood no foul, but if you need to have your baby brother watch me to make sure I don't play to rough feel free."

"Whatever, let's just play" Emmitt grumbled, this was going to be too easy.

"I'm feeling charitable, you can have first outs" with that I check the ball to Emmitt.

Emmitt put his game face on, as did I. As I predicted Em was not overly apt with his dribbling and I was quick, before he had a chance to attempt a move around me I had tapped the ball out from his dribble I was around him and laying it in for my first point before he processed what I was doing.

"That's one, your ball." I checked it back to Em while Hoss chuckled.

Emmitt was muttering as he started at me a second time. Em had a good five probably six inches on me so he could most defiantly shoot over me given the opportunity, and that is exactly what he did as he drove into me.

"Ha, 1-up."

I backed up as he checked to me. Em was hanging out by the free throw line so I backed up and sank a three.

"Three-one"

Em tried to pull the exact same shot I had just sunk, I grabbed his rebound clearing the check line and sinking another shot behind the arc.

"Five-one, you know it's no fun if you don't at least try and play defense."

Em tried to drive into me again, this time I was able to strip the ball before he got it over my head. I cleared the check line and drove the lane right into him, instinctively his chivalrous side had him backing away from my advancing form as I laid it in.

"six-one"

"Are you going to tell me the score every time a fucking point is made?" I couldn't help but smile at Emmitt's obvious frustration.

"If you want, I'm sure your ref could keep count. Isn't that right Hoss, you'll let him know when I win?" I asked.

"Nothing would make me happier," Hoss offered.

"Ball" Emmitt demanded.

The game continued in much the same fashion. I was on game point to Emmitt's fourteen. Emmitt was sweating with a look of pure frustration in his eyes. I on the other hand was having a great time. I drove the lane on him like I had done several other times, only this time Emmitt had lost his trepidation and came at me with all of his massive six foot something or other self, throwing his two hundred plus pounds at me.

He clobbered me, I fell back landing with an loud thud and audible groan. I was laying on the court with my eyes closed trying to recapture my breath because Emmitt had knocked the wind out of me.

"What the fuck Em?" I opened my eyes to see Hoss pushing a crouching Emmitt from my supine form.

"I didn't mean to" Emmitt whined.

"Oh my god Bella, are you ok? Are you hurt?" Hoss was holding my face in his hands as he looked into my eyes, _with concern? Mmm, his touch is surprisingly tender. Thank god I'm hot and sweaty or he would be able to tell I was blushing right now. Oh god, I'm hot and sweaty while sex on legs is holding my face._ I groaned at the thought.

"Is she alright?" Emmitt was scurrying back over to me.

Sitting up I said, "Did it count, was it good?"

"What?" they asked in tandem.

"My shot, did it go in?"

"Christ B you scared the crap out of me and the only thing you're worried about is whether you won?" Emmitt asked.

"It did, didn't it?" My smile was hurting my face.

Hoss was shaking his head at me as he cracked up, "yes, you won. Thank you by the way, I can't wait to tell everyone."

"You are something else. You're absolutely amazing, I don't think I could have handled being beat by any other girl, not that another girl could beat me." Emmitt offered as he helped me to my feet.

I swear I heard Hoss whisper, "She sure is," but it wasn't loud enough to say for sure if that is what he said, if he said anything at all.

"Yes you are man hear you roar. Just remember I own your ass, you're my bitch from now on." I tapped my index finger against his nose as I finished. Laughing I ran to the drinking fountain to get a drink of water.

Emmitt threw me over his shoulder as he ran us to the field for the remainder of class.

As I walked to my car, _my car, I love having a car_, Rose met up with me.

"So seriously, how did you convince your parents to let you drive?"

"I didn't convince them to let me do anything, the state made me legal." I answered.

Rose eyed me closely, "Is that why you left early yesterday?"

"Yeah my mom took me to Port Angeles to get my license."

"But…I thought…your trip was a present…yesterday was your birthday," realization dawned on Rose. She smacked me on the shoulder, "and you didn't think to tell anyone?"

"Rose, come on, it's weird enough being new, and I'm not so presumptuous to think that my birthday should really matter to anyone right now" I explained.

She smacked me again, "you know, I'm starting to think you like to think of yourself as an outsider. Of course it would have mattered."

"If you stop hitting me I promise I'll let you know when my next birthday comes around."

"You're such a smart ass," Rose punctuated her assessment with a final smack.

"I know. I'll see you tomorrow."

I left Rose at her car as I made my way over to Libby. When I got home I finished my homework and then helped Renee make dinner. After I ate with Renee and Charlie I went upstairs to call Jaci.

I was nearly jumping out of my skin when I found I would be arriving at 3:45 pm on Friday. Not only would tomorrow be my last day school for the week, but I would get to have a full weekend at home. I'd arrive back in Seattle at 9:30 pm on Sunday night. I would probably be dragging ass Monday but it would totally be worth it. Jaci promised she would be waiting for me Friday afternoon and I couldn't wait.

Thursday was uneventful. I informed Mrs. Mader that I was going to be out of town and would be unable to meet with her this week. She didn't think it would be a problem. Hoss didn't speak to me during Biology, nor did he and Skipper return to our lunch table. Emmitt and I razzed each other through out lunch and PE. I wished him luck for his game Friday as he wished me a safe return. When I got home I immediately tore apart my room packing and re-packing trying to ensure I didn't forget anything. I had a hard time falling asleep; I was so keyed up about my trip.

**For those of you still with me after more than 9,686 words, thank you. I know it was a long chapter. If you like the story – drop me a review, better yet if you hate it – drop me a review.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi all, so glad to be enjoying fall break at the moment. With midterms over I hope to get a few chapters done so that I can work on subsequent chapters at my leisure. This one takes a little turn for the dark side, but it is part of the growing process for Bella. It is the beginning of accepting some harsh realities. As always Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters, I do not.**

I was pretty exhausted as the plane touched down at Lindbergh Field. I had been traveling all day, leaving Forks this morning at 6 AM but flying was much easier than driving that is for sure. I grabbed my carry on and made my way to baggage claim. As I was waiting for the luggage to start making its way to the carousel I was nearly knocked over by the powerful hug that embraced me.

"Does this mean you missed me?"

"You have no idea, it's just not the same without you," Jaci responded.

"And you have no idea how great it is to be home." I said as I threw my arms around Jaci.

We held on to each other as we waited for my bag to make its way around to us. Jaci took my carry on while I grabbed my luggage. I followed Jaci to her black Acura RSX. As we climbed into the car Jaci spoke up.

"So, I know we were planning to go to the game tonight, but" Jaci looked at me with pure sadness in her black eyes, "I was kinda hoping that maybe I could keep you all to myself for the night. I'll make it up to you by making it a night of your favorites, Point Loma Seafood, Pinkberry and a sunset on the beach?"

I was really looking forward to the game tonight, being surrounded by all my friends again, but one look at Jaci and I knew there would be time to catch up with everyone else later.

"How am I supposed to say no to an offer like that? Nothing would make me happier than a night filled with all my favorite things, the most important of which is my sister."

Jaci let out a sigh of relief. We headed to her house to drop off my stuff and check in with Darla and let her know that we would be home later.

It was a short drive to Jaci's house. It was a medium sized home in the upscale Kensington neighborhood at the south east rim of Mission Valley. The older neighborhood was a collection of Spanish-style homes. Darla was at home already, she had a pretty flexible schedule as a tenured English professor at the University of San Diego.

Darla never remarried or dated as far as Jaci and I could tell after Jim died. It was sad in a way but she was still very much in love with her late husband. She liked to think of herself as one of us girls, which was ok with us because it meant we got quite a bit more freedom when she was in charge.

Darla came running out of the house to great us.

"Aw sweetie, aren't you a sight for sore eyes?" Darla said as she threw her arms around me, she continued whispering into my hair. "I was afraid I would never see our girl smile again. It's like she doesn't know what to do without her other half."

Darla's voice waivered as she finished so I pulled back to look into her eyes and she too had a sadness in them.

"Trust me there is nowhere else I would rather be than here with you guys. I can't thank you enough for bringing me home."

"I know, sweetie, I just wish I could convince Charlie and Renee to share custody of you. I'd keep you in a heartbeat," Darla added.

"Ok mom, would you please share _**my**_ best friend?" Jaci asked.

We all laughed as we grabbed my bags and headed into the house. After dropping the bags in Jaci's room we all got comfy in the living room.

Darla asked how I was adjusting to my new school. I'm sure I lit up talking about Emmitt and the rest of the pretty people. She was just as appalled by Tyler and Mike's advances. Darla thought I should have told Charlie about it, but I assured her that I was fairly confident it was a once in a lifetime attempt on their part. Because really how often do new people move into the middle of nowhere.

As it got closer to dinner time Darla asked what we had planned for the weekend. Jaci answered, "We were going to grab some dinner and maybe just bum around by the beach for a while is that cool."

"What about the game?" Darla asked.

"Well we thought we would take tonight for just us, before we take on the masses," I answered for us.

"Oh," Darla paused, "Well you know I love you and trust you both, so here is the deal. This is a one-time offer, curfew is revoked for the weekend, have fun and enjoy this weekend. Make up for lost time and make it count for the time to come when you are apart again. Promise me you will be smart and be safe. All I ask in return is that I get you girls all to myself Sunday, brunch and mani-pedi's on me, are we agreed?"

"Yes!" Jaci and I answered in unison with matching wide grins.

"And don't even think about telling Charlie, he'll never let you come back" Darla smirked.

Our evening was quiet; we ate at one of my favorite local spots before heading to the beach to hang out. Jaci steadily avoided talking about Lucy or much of anything else relating to school. We did reminisce about our childhoods together.

While I was comfortable in our bubble I knew that we would have to talk about what was up sooner or later. I decided to enjoy tonight, after all I didn't know how long it would be before I got to just be with my best friend. We talked late into the night, between fits of giggle we eventually fell asleep.

Saturday we woke mid-morning and headed to the Broken Yoke Café in Pacific beach, _best French toast ever_, always worth the wait. After breakfast we headed back to Jaci's to lounge by the pool before getting ready for tonight.

We were laying out in a comfortable silence when I decided to broach the subject, "So are you ever going to tell me what's up or are you going to continue avoiding anything and everything to do with Lucy and school?" I didn't have to open my eyes to see the shock on Jaci's face.

"I um…well…I just…it's nothing, really," Jaci stumbled to get out.

"I can tell, it couldn't be more _**nothing**_, right? Come on Jaci I may be living eleven hundred and some odd miles away but I know you, it wouldn't matter if I was on the moon I would know when something was up with you."

"I…I'm sorry I know I've been off. I just, I don't know how to explain it. It's just not the same without you," Jaci explained without really saying anything at all.

"Ok…but you're going to have to do better than that," I prodded.

"It's not one thing, it's lots of things. At first things were much the same as before, only you were missing. It was like you were in the next room and would be joining us at any moment. Then Lucy started acting different, maybe I was acting different, whatever it was just different. I never realized that you were the glue that held us together," Jaci looked at me with tears in her eyes. "By the end of the first week of school we weren't even speaking to one another anymore. Now it's like we are not even friends or never were."

"Jaci, are you sure it's all on her, you have been known to check out when things get tough?" I asked as gently as possible.

"I know it's not all on her. I never said it was. Jesus, give me some credit. I knew it was going to be hard, but I also didn't have any plans on becoming a hermit just because you left. I figured I still had one of my best friends to lean on. I thought she would miss you as much as I did and we would be there for each other. You know it's not just me she has forgotten." Jaci finished with tears streaming down her face.

I threw my arms around her, "Aw don't cry. I'm sure it can all be worked out we just need to get to the bottom of it. I'll call Lucy and we will get together with her before we head over to Alex's party tonight."

"I don't know," Jaci responded sounding less than convinced.

"You still want to go to Alex's tonight right?" The answer was in her eyes before she opened her mouth.

"Yes, I just meant I don't know if this is something that a bitch session with you refereeing can fix," Jaci amended.

I tried calling Lucy several times but she was still screening. We eventually started getting ready, I assumed we could trap Lucy at the party and force reconciliation. I would not be leaving tomorrow without fixing things between my girls.

I teased Jaci the whole way over to Alex's house. She had harbored a crush on him since freshman year. _Maybe it's time for me to play matchmaker_.

As we pulled up to the large obviously teen packed house, it felt like old times. I knew that we would walk through the door and be greeted by our friends; I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about seeing Jake or Lucy. He never did respond to my heartfelt email a couple of weeks ago, and Lucy has yet to answer or return any of my phone calls.

As we approached the door the music was vibrating through the door. We walked in making our way to the kitchen. There was a look of shock to see me before people recovered and welcomed us. After lots of hugs and more than one explanation that I was not moving back, just visiting I was able to slip away with a drink. I hadn't seen Jake or Lucy yet so I decided to make the rounds. Jaci was enjoying some flirty face time with Alex at the moment.

After talking to Seth and Paul for a while they assured me that Jake was coming tonight. I decided to go to the bathroom to freshen up before I saw Jake. He would not be too happy if I was sloppy drunk. I figured I could slip into Alex's sister Jane's room and use her bathroom; his parties had gotten a lot better since his sister left for college. _She was always such an uptight bitch_.

_She is probably some mob boss's 'Candie', stripping at Badda Bings after dropping out of UNLV_. Snickering at the image in my head I opened her door.

My jaw was hanging open, I wanted to shut it along with my eyes but I couldn't it was like I was paralyzed. _The world must have flipped on its axis._ I'm not sure how long I stood there watching the scene in front of me but it felt like forever.

"…the fuck…" I'm not sure when my voice returned to me but it was clear when they heard my voice.

"Bella" confusion colored their expressions as they scrambled to right their clothes and face me.

"I…you…but…I can't do this," and I couldn't, all I could feel was pain. Two people I love and missed horribly were just about to, I can't even think it.

"Bella wait," Jake called.

I spun on my heel and started to run down the hall._ Ow, fuck._ Jake yanked my arm making me face him. The pain of seeing Jack and Lucy in the midst of…whatever…was wearing off now there was anger boiling inside of me. I was trying to pull my arm out of Jake's grip but he just tightened his hold.

"Fuck Jake you don't get to touch me, not now. Let go." I demanded.

"First of all, you've been drinking; second, you are not going to talk to me like that; and third, you are going to calm down." Jake spat at me.

_What the fuck does he have to be pissed about?_

"Excuse me are you fucking delusional? I don't have to follow your rules anymore, you broke up with me remember. I assume that is why you were about to stick your dick in my best friend, or was she just another one of your fuck-friends" I didn't even finish my rant before I felt Jake's heavy hand make contact with my cheek. _Mother fucker, that smarts._ Hissing through the pain I raised my head back to him.

"Fuck you!" I yelled in his face as I kneed him in the junk.

"Ghu-na," Jake doubled over.

I figured it was as good a time as any to walk away, Jake grabbed my arm again, forcing me to look at him. I don't know what he expected to find in my eyes but whatever it was _hatred maybe, fucking asshole,_ he thought he could change it by smashing his face into mine.

_Really, kissing me is going to change anything._ I bit down on his lip, as he groaned I continued to bite down until I tasted the telltale flavor of bitter rust. Jake pulled back sucking his bleeding lip back into his mouth.

"Fuck you Bells, you aren't worth it" Jake finished his summation of me with a shove.

_I remember the shove but how in the hell did Jaci catch me, was she standing behind me the whole time?_ _She must have caught me right_. I was lying on a couch with my head in her lap. Jaci was running her hands through my hair and I felt something cool and wet on my forehead. _Fuck my body hurts._ Rolling my eyes I tried to right myself. _Oh god, my head hurts worse than my body._

"Hey," Jaci said timidly.

"Did you catch me?" I asked still very confused. _Why was it so quiet now?_ I looked around the room, "Where is everyone?"

"Well, after _**Jake**_ threw you into the credenza, Alex and Demerti showed him out. Lucy scampered after him. The party kinda broke up after that." Jaci explained.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry Alex," I forced myself to sit trying to ignore the pain I felt everywhere, "your party," _Jake threw me into a credenza? _"your mother isn't going to kill you is she, did we break anything?"

Laughing Alex patted my knee, "Don't worry about the party, there will be another one next week, and mom always buys the most expensive and sturdiest shit, I'm more concerned with you. You blacked out on us for a bit. How are you feeling?" Alex's laugh was cut short by his concern for me.

Rolling my neck, trying to inconspicuously move all my muscles, I did a quick mental inventory, "I feel a little stiff, and my head hurts. I'll probably be sore as a mother tomorrow, but I think I'll live." As I brought my hand up to run through my hair, I winced at the goose egg protruding from the back of my head.

"Yeah, well that's bound to happen when you take on rod iron and marble," Alex informed me.

I noticed Alex and Jaci were sitting pretty close to one another. _Maybe by being body slammed into iron and stone, I played cupid tonight after all._

"So, Lucy and Jake, did you know?" I asked Jaci.

"No, but I guess her cold shoulder makes more sense now. I'm so sorry Bella, I should have known, I should have been able to warn you." Jaci started to ramble.

"It's not your fault. Although I take it they had no idea I was going to be here." It was more of a statement than a question.

"Well like I told you, Lucy and I haven't been talking and you know Jake and I have never really gotten along all that well." Jaci was trying to make excuses.

"I'm not upset with you. I love you, you're my sister always have been always will be" I affirmed.

"It's pretty late why don't you guys just crash here tonight?" Alex offered.

I didn't have to look at Jaci to feel her desire to stay so I answered before she made an excuse to go, "that sounds great, and I would rather not sneak back into the house tonight."

Jaci looked at me trying to see how serious I was about wanting to stay, "are you sure?"

"Positive, I'd be more than content to curl up right here," I replied.

"You don't have to do that, D and Jen already called the guest room, but you're welcome to crash in Jane's room," Alex said.

I felt myself blanch at the thought of walking back into Jane's room, "thanks Alex, but if it's alright with you I'd rather not go back into Jane's room and might I suggest you burn her sheets?"

"Oh, sorry, I didn't think about that. You can crash here or even in my parents room if you want," Alex was trying really hard to make me feel welcomed.

"I'm good, thanks anyway. Can I get some ibuprofen and some water?" I asked.

After everyone had left the living room, I padded off to the bathroom to wash my face. I bit back a moan when I saw myself. My left cheek was puffy and red; my eyes were outlined with purplish bruises. I had an angry looking hand print wrapped around my bicep. Against my better judgment I lifted my shirt to get a look at my back. There was the start of some vicious bruising from my shoulder blades to just above the small of my back along my spine. _Fan-fucking-tastic. _

_Thank god this isn't my first rodeo._ I would easily be able to convince Charlie and Renee I had stumbled backward whacking my head, black eyes from a mild concussion wouldn't kill me and they knew it. It always looks worse than it is. My arm and back could easily remain hidden by clothes. With a sigh I turned on the water to wash my face, hissing when the water made contact with my tender face. I finger brushed my teeth and popped an altoid before making my way back over to the couch.

I figured I should probably stay awake for a while so I flipped on the TV. After flipping channels for a while I settled on Adult Swim. Eventually I dosed off into a restless slumber.

Jaci shook me awake at nine the next morning. I had a massive headache and my back was killing me.

"We better head home so we can clean up before doing brunch with Darla" Jaci reminded me.

"Shit, how are my eyes?" I asked hopeful.

"Well you don't look like you stepped into the ring with the champ, but it is obvious you took a few hits," Jaci grimaced.

After a long good-bye between Alex and Jaci she joined me in her car. As we drove home she kept looking over at me from the corner of her eye.

"Just ask already," I relented.

"Well, you seem fine, but how are you, you know with everything?" Jaci ever the tap dancer.

"To be honest, I don't know. It hasn't really set in yet. I guess I'm numb which is perfectly fine with me. So let's not worry about it, I want to enjoy the rest of the weekend with you and Darla." I answered.

Jaci's mouth was set in a thin line as she eventually nodded in concession.

I was desperate to relieve the tension in the car.

"More importantly, what did you do last night slut?" I asked humor evident in my voice.

Jaci turned beet red, but her smile was telling. "Oh my god, I never knew. If I had only known I would have approached him sooner," Jaci gushed.

"Knew what? How great sex is, or how great sex is with Al-ex?" I teased drawing out his name.

"No you bitch; I didn't have sex with him. We talked, a lot. He told me he has had a crush on me for nearly as long as I have him. We kissed and talked and fell asleep in each other's arms," Jaci finished with a far off wistful look on her face.

"I'm so happy for you babe, just make sure he treats you like the goddess you are. I love you and want you to be happy," I finished patting her leg.

"I will and I am," Jaci's smile faded as she looked back over to me, "but what about you?"

"Don't you worry about me. Enjoy what you have, I feel so much better about having to board that plane today knowing, you have someone here to support you" I smiled at her, though I hoped that she wouldn't see the tears in my eyes behind my sunglasses.

The rest of the day passes with little drama. While Darla was not pleased with the more violent events of our weekend, true to form she didn't lecture. They both hugged me gingerly at the airport in an effort not to press on the now ever darkening purple marks marring my spine. I thanked them again for having me as the three of us sniffled though our goodbyes.

As I sat on the second leg of my return flight to Seattle, the events of the weekend played on endless loop in my head. I was so excited to go home for the weekend, but now I couldn't wait to get away. I am going to miss Jaci immensely but I know that she will be ok; Darla and Alex will make sure of it. With that single step into Jane's room last night Lucy and Jake took away the last of the illusion. My life in San Diego had not been perfect and wishing fervently to return would not make it perfect.

My life in Forks was no better; I was barely treading water trying to stay afloat. Never having felt more alone or lost, I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the window. I didn't even care that I had silent tears streaming down my face in public. I turned up the music on my iPod, ignored the ever-growing pain in my back and let each tear fall from my face taking with it all my pain and sorrow. When the plane touched down in Seattle, I was out of tears and feeling hollow inside. I arranged my face into a semblance of a smile that I am sure didn't touch my eyes and made my way to baggage claim where I knew Renee would be waiting to take me back to Forks.

**So, dark-ish like I said but don't worry Emmitt should bring some light back to Bella. This was a pretty short chapter, but with good reason, Bella just got body slammed by reality. Like most of us one dose isn't going to cure her. She will make quite a few more bad choices before she is ready to move forward. **

**Please review, I'm dying to know what you all think.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Here is another long chapter. It picks up right after Bella's return flight. I realize that time has been moving slowly in this story but it has been necessary to establish roles and relationships in Bella's life. I have toyed with switching POV but I really want to finish this story from Bella's perspective. It is kind of fun because she misses so much Just a quick warning there is some citrus-lite in this chapter. I apologize for all the errors in this and any chapters I post. I try to catch them all but inevitably some slip by :( i know they both suck and are distracting.**

**As always all things Twilight are the property of SM and not me.**

It's a good thing Renee is perfectly content to talk to herself for hours on end. I was able to explain away my disinterest in her prattle as exhaustion. She wanted to know how everyone back home was doing, I offered that Jaci finally hooked up with Alex and she seemed happy. I told her that I only saw Jake and Lucy briefly at a party before it broke up. _Technically not a lie._

It was nearing midnight when we finally pulled into the driveway. Charlie must have been asleep already because all the lights except the porch light were off. I told Renee I missed her and would see her in the morning. I walked up to my room. I really just wanted to collapse into a never ending slumber.

Unfortunately, my brain wouldn't turn off. I pulled my laptop out to torture myself with pictures from the last two years. As I looked at photo upon photo of me and 'my friends' at various locations around San Diego I realized it really wasn't home anymore_. It wasn't my social unit formed by living my life within it; it wasn't a congenial environment, or my safe haven. It was just someplace I __**lived**__, past tense._ _**You really are developing some masochistic tendencies**__._ _Yep tomorrow I will be slamming my back against walls to feel the pain, by this time next week I'll be cutting. __**Look at you, you've got goals**__._

I logged into Gmail for the sake of having something to do. There it is just staring at me. From _**LuvMeImLucy**_, Subject _**MY SIDE OF THE STORY!**_ When I regained the use of my limbs I slammed the laptop shut. I didn't delete it, but I couldn't read it either. I curled myself into a ball and stared at my laptop. _If I don't watch it closely, it will open up and make me read it. Shit my phone, it's going to taunt me too. _I stuffed the phone into my bedside table and the laptop under my bed.

Safe from my electronics I eventually fell asleep.

The alarm clock tore me from yet another fitful night. As I rubbed my eyes I could feel the crusted tears I must have cried in my sleep. My eyes felt like the back of the lids were lined in sandpaper. _Fun_.

I pulled a grey fitted long sleeve thermal shirt and black jeans from my closet. I figured it wasn't worth chancing a run in with Charlie or Renee with all my black and purple glory. My eyes didn't look so bad this morning, if you cock your head to the side and kinda close one eye I just looked extremely tired. _I'm pleased I look like shit, oh happy day when a haggard look is an improvement._ My back if possible looked worse today, but my arm only held a bluish hand print. _Fuck me I'm a mess_.

I used the, I'm running late routine to skip out on breakfast at casa de Swan. I gave Libby a quick hug hello before firing her up to make my way to school. I pulled into the parking lot a little unsure of what high school version 2.0 would hold for me today.

I barely had time to finish the thought because my door was nearly pulled off the hinges.

"Hey, don't break Libby," I yelled at Emmitt as he pulled me from the car.

"My favorite Oompa-Loompa is back. I was afraid you would run away to the land of sun never to return." Emmitt bellowed as he crushed me into a hug that would have made any mere mortal gasp even if they weren't covered in bruises. I couldn't breathe, it hurt too much. I couldn't push away, it hurt too much. Thank god Rose spoke up.

"Em if you missed her so much maybe you shouldn't kill her." Emmitt finally released me.

"Yeah Augustus, I swear I am not made of chocolate," I said patting him gently, "I missed you too you big goon."

Stiffly I reached into my car to grab my bag. I didn't even dare to sling it over my back I just held it in my hand as I locked up my car. Alice started in with twenty questions almost immediately. Emmitt threw one arm over Rose's shoulder and the other over mine. I tried to hide my cringe upon contact.

"Did you have a good trip? Did you do any shopping? Did you get to see all your old friends? Did you go to any good parties? Was everyone happy to see you? Ooh did you **see** your boyfriend? Tell me all about it." I was staring at Alice as she rattled off questions faster than I could form responses. "Oh my god, what happened to you face?"

_Shit._ "Nothing really, I fell." _Gees, could that answer have sounded anymore like a cliché lifetime movie script?_

"Look at our little diva partying like a rock star; did you destroy any hotel rooms?" Emmitt laughed.

"Yeah, that's me. To tell you the truth, I am so exhausted I don't know if I am going to stick it out the whole day. I didn't get much sleep last night" I offered as an excuse because I knew I would be avoiding PE today.

"Oh, you're going to PE. I challenge you to a rematch, you have to let me regain my man card" Emmitt joked.

"Aw sweetie, even if you found a way to win I wouldn't give you back your man card, you're my bitch remember" I reminded him.

"Ok, ok, you two can have a pissing contest later. Right now we have to get to class" Alice linked arms with me pulling me towards the buildings. As we got further away she continued, "I really do want to hear all about your trip, I'm sure it was fantastic."

"Mmhmm, it was good that I went back" was all I offered in response.

When I took my seat in Calculus, I realized how tired I was. It wasn't just lack of sleep that short interaction with Emmitt required so much faking on my part it wasn't even fun. Even Alice made my head spin. When you're hollow on the inside it is daunting to fake normal enthusiasm and happiness.

I was only going through the motions. I sat in classes, walking to the next class because that was what I was expected to do. I'm sure Alice walked with me between classes, she may have even spoken to me but I never responded. Before I knew it, it was lunch time. I was packing up my books when I was abruptly brought out of my fog as a cool hand lifted the back of my shirt and ghosted over my back.

"Bella…" I turned to look into concerned green orbs, "what happened to you?" he finished in a whisper.

Embarrassed, I tugged my shirt back into place, "nothing," I stood up to leave.

"Wait," Edward, grabbed my arm. _Does my arm have a grab here sign pointing to it?_ I gasped as his fingers made contact with my tender flesh. I closed my eyes wanting nothing more than to get away from him as fast as possible.

"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" he asked confused by my reaction.

"No, I got to go."

"Bella, that doesn't look like nothing," he said pointing to my back. "You seem…different. I know we…you can talk to me if you need to," I visibly balked at the assurance, "or I get it if you wouldn't want to talk to me, but you know you can trust, Em, Rose, Alice and even Jasper. Just, I don't know, are you ok?"

"I'm fine, and this," I referenced my backside, "is nothing…and I would appreciate it if it remained both **nothing** and **nobody's** business."

I walked out of the room not waiting for him to respond. His deep green eyes were begging me to let him in. I couldn't do lunch; I didn't have the energy to fake it. I was making my way to the parking lot when I saw James headed to our spot.

"Hey, you want to get out of here?" I'm not sure what possessed me to ask other than I was tired of feeling alone.

James looked up and smiled, "what did you have in mind?"

"Only anywhere but here," I explained.

James walked to my side and waited for me to lead the way. Ok so I don't exactly know where to go, I live in the middle of the forest where my dad is the police chief, my flake of a mother could be anywhere doing anything within a five hour drive since I saw her last, and I've never ditched school before.

"So, I'm still pretty new in town, any suggestions?" I asked.

"Well we could hike into the forest, head to the beach or if you want we can head back to my place" James offered.

"I'd like to spend some time outside, but I don't really have much energy for hiking, you want to head to the beach?"

"Sounds good to me, but it might be a little cold down there, we can stop by my place on the way and pick up some blankets so you don't freeze" James agreed.

"Great, just navigate me and we will be good."

After a quick detour by James' house, I waited in the car while he ran in to grab supplies; we finally arrived at the beach. We found a nicely secluded spot surrounded by drift wood. James spread a blanket on the sand and after he sat down he motioned for me to join him. Out of a duffle he pulled out another blanket, a pint of Seagrams and a small piece of wood. I was looking at him with confusion.

"You carry a piece of wood with you?" I asked.

James let out a hardy chuckle. "Not exactly, it's my pipe. I fashioned it myself," James announced sounding proud of himself.

"Ah-huh, I didn't peg you for a pipe smoker."

Shaking his head, "well I don't exactly smoke tobacco with it, you don't mind do you?" James' chuckle stopped short as he finished.

"Um…I don't think I do. I just, I've never tried it myself" for a city girl, I felt really sheltered at the moment.

"You don't have to, if you want to you can but no pressure" James assured me. "I know you're a gin girl why don't you sit back and have a drink. I'm gonna pack a bowl and if you want to try it all you have to do is ask."

After three good swigs, I was feeling much more at ease. I watched James with curious fascination. He explained that he found the wood on this beach. He drilled a thin hole from one end down almost to the other end lengthwise. He then carved out a bowl at the undrilled end until he reached the draft hole. James then rubbed the wood smooth with fine sand paper. _Who says wood shop in high school is not valuable course offering_. Adding a screen from a faucet his pipe was complete.

Just like he promised he did not offer, and I wasn't sure I wanted to try pot. When he was done he put the pipe down and grabbed another blanket wrapping it around his back. As he opened his arm to welcome me he asked, "Care to join me?"

I took another drink to stall. _So the attraction is not only in my head. It really does seem tempting to just have someone hold me again._ "I'd love to" I responded as I sat on his lap and he wrapped his arms and the blanket around me.

_God this feels good._ We didn't talk, we both just sat there staring at the rolling surf. I have always found the sounds of the ocean soothing. I relaxed further into James.

_It is so nice to feel encased in someone's arms. I like James, I think. __**Be honest, you don't really know James. **__I've spent time around him on a few occasions. __**But have you actually spent time talking to him?**__ Not with actual words so much, he's just the quiet type. __**Yes the silent type that possibly has dead bodies piling up in his basement.**__ I'm not afraid of him, I kind of like him, I think. I know I like this feeling of being held._

Not wanting to continue the internal debate I turned my neck up and around to get a look at his face. I wanted to know what he was thinking. James' eyes were lazy but focused on my own. I brought my hand up to hold onto his face as I leaned in to close the distance between our lips. James let me lead the kiss. _It is so empowering to lead for a change._ Without breaking the kiss I turned my body around to straddle his lap. My other hand found its way into his hair holding him in place as I deepened the kiss.

I could feel his growing want as my tongue alternated between little laps and swirling around his. Desperate for air I broke the kiss. We were both breathing heavily. Slowly I dropped my hands from his face and hair, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed by my forwardness.

"Don't," was all he said before he took hold of both sides of my face bringing me back to his lips.

This time the kiss was more intense. Instinctively I grabbed his shoulders for support and ground into his arousal. James groaned as I moaned at the pleasure of the contact. James released my lips moving to nip and lick at my neck. I continued to grind my aching clit against his hard on. I wanted friction as his hands found their way up my shirt to massage my tits.

James mumbled against my lips, "so fucking hot." I pushed him back onto the blanket, continuing to gnash my heated core into his cock.

James's lips wandered from my lips to my neck. His hands grabbed my hips guiding my movements over his dick. James' hips were moving to meet my own. I was nearing a clitoral orgasm when James clamped down on my hips gripping them tightly pushing my core into him harshly before slowly moving me back and forth with less pressure.

"Much better than lunch," James commented as he helped me off his lap.

I laughed, but suddenly felt lonelier than I had just moments before. We once again sat in silence as we stared out at the beach.

_Why do I feel so awkward right now? __**Maybe cause you just dry-fucked a practical random.**__ He's not random: his name is James, he goes to Forks High, he takes history second period, he lives on Ox Bow lane__**. I'm sorry, I stand corrected you also know he drinks, he smokes both cigarettes and weed, and everyone you've met here seems to think he is evil incarnate.**__ But it felt so good, I didn't think about anything, not what mess my life has become I was able just to enjoy the pleasure of being touched and wanted._

"You think we should head back to school now?" James interrupted my thoughts.

"Um, yeah," I stood and began gathering things so we could leave.

I was going to be back at school in time for PE after all. We drove back to campus without speaking to each other. _I wonder why it is that we never really have anything to say to each other. I mean we have made random suggestions and innuendos at each other, the occasional small talk but I feel no need to share with him and apparently neither does he. There is no playful banter, no frustrated arguments. __**Hmm, is there a reason you want frustrated arguments, are you thinking about someone in particular, someone who frustrates you?**__ No, shut up. __**Maybe someone that looks like sex on legs?**_

I looked over at James; _he is hot maybe that's enough. Relationships are over rated, friends require effort. I can do this, a fuck buddy to help me forget what ails me._

Satisfied with my mental definition of our arrangement, I parked and turned to James, "so thanks for…the distraction, I'll see you around."

"Anytime,** distractions** are good for you," James smiled coyly at me.

"I hope," looking to his crotch, "that isn't too much of a problem for you during the rest of the day."

Laughing James responded, "It was worth an afternoon in spooge crusted boxers." _**Eww thanks for the mental picture. **__ So he's not the most well spoken gent, he is hot and that was fun._

"Um-k I don't really know what the appropriate response to that is, but do you want a ride home later so you can get all your stuff home?" I asked catching a glimpse of the blankets in the back seat.

"Keep it. You never know when we may need an escape again; it'll save us some time then." James said sounding very sure there would be a next time.

"Right, I'll see you later, I wouldn't want to be late for class" I waved as I headed for the gym.

"That must be why you are only at school half the time," James yelled after me.

Rolling my eyes I walked into the gym.

"Where you been tiny tart, you skipped lunch again? You know I am starting to think you don't like me anymore." Emmitt pouted.

"What can I say milk dud, you lost some of your appeal when I realized how easy it was to school your ass" I answered ducking into the girls locker room.

I decided to throw my PE t-shirt over my thermal before slipping into my shorts. I rushed out to class not wanting to be too late.

We were playing volleyball today_._ With one court I was guaranteed some down time since the entire class couldn't play at the same time.

Of course, Emmitt chose me for his team, unfortunately that meant I was also teammates with angry eyed monster amongst some others. I was more than grateful that we were sitting out first game. The hostility was rolling of Hoss in waves, not two hours ago he was imploring me to** talk** to him. I swear that boy has a mood disorder, that pendulum swings far and wide.

I made sure to sit on Emmitt's side opposite Hoss in my attempt to stay away from the black looks coming from green eyes.

"So really, kiddo, what's up with you? You skipped lunch, and you just seem…I dunno…off, I guess, talk to papa little one," Emmitt prodded.

_What the fuck is with these Cullens, do they have to be all up in my shit?_

"Alright listen up Big Papa, 'cause I'm only going to say this once," I lifted my eyes to make contact with Hoss as well, hopefully this would be the last time I had to have this conversation, "I am **fine**, maybe it's jet lag."

"You don't want to talk about it, fine I will accept your bullshit jet lag while traveling within the same time zone, but you better be back to normal tomorrow or I will sit on you until you crack," Emmitt warned.

"Crack, crush, meh either way it's a fat ass on top of me," I elbowed Emmitt trying to find our rhythm.

"You little shit, I'll show you a fat ass."

"I'm sorry is it glandular?" I teased before I squealed.

Emmitt threw me over his lap and began attacking my sides. _Oh my god, the tree trunks he calls legs are pressing into my back._ Emmitt continued his assault on my sides causing me to attempt to wiggle out of his grasp, which only made his legs make further repeated contact with my fucking back.

Gasping for air, my eyes were clenched trying to still myself while willing the pain away. I felt a firm yank on my arm, I was stumbling off of Emmitt's lap when two sure arms righted me.

"Must you constantly be mauling **her**?" Hoss asked in an annoyed voice.

I looked up to see Hoss looking down at me with_ concern, really we are back to that again, this cat changes directions faster than Dance Dance Revolution._ I couldn't help the annoyed look on my face as I rolled my eyes when I turned to face Emmitt.

"What are you jealous 'cause she won't let **you** maul her?" Emmitt provoked.

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped as I took a seat in front of Emmitt. Hoss grumbled to himself as he took a seat next to Emmitt again. We had settled again as we watched the current game. Of course ADHD Emmitt could only sit still for so long.

"I'm bored entertain me Wembley," Emmitt whined as he kneed me in the back trying to get my attention.

_Oh for the love of god. I'm seeing stars._ I'm sure I groaned but the sound was muffled in my own head as all the blood in my body rushed to the spot he kneed that was now throbbing with pain. I couldn't open my eyes. I was breathing deeply in through my nose and out through clenched teeth. Eventually I felt warm hands cradling my face. The touch was soothing as the feeling of calm spread and the pain subsided I opened my eyes to lock on to a penetrating green gaze.

_There are flecks of gold in his eyes, I never noticed that before. I think I could stare into the depths of those rich emeralds and not even care if I was kneed, kicked, punched, whipped, spanked._

It's entirely possible I could have continued had he not given me a little shake breaking me from my internal ramblings.

"Are you ok, can you hear me?" Hoss asked.

"Huh…yes…no," _I feel like he just scrambled my brain by staring through my eyes, that is some Jedi mind fuck,_ "I'm fine and I can hear you."

"Let me at least look at it?" Hoss implored.

_What?_ Jumping up I backed away from him as well as a confused Emmitt.

"No you can't. Its fine, I'm fine," I answered quickly.

"Sure it is, and you are. You know, you always say **fine** as an affirmative when you're lying?" the biggest pain in my ass ever asked.

"You presumptuous ass, I am fan-FUCKING-tastic, is that affirmative enough for you, dick?" I answered.

"Right, fan-FUCKING-tastic," he mocked, "that's why you look like a piñata after a birthday party and nearly passed out when Em nudged you? Fan-fucking-tastic."

"One of you better tell me what the fuck is going on…I hurt you? What do you mean she looks like a piñata? Edward knows what's up with you and I don't? One of you better start talking, NOW" Emmitt commanded.

Taking a deep breath I patted Emmitt's arm soothingly, "I am fine," I cringed at my choice of words, "your brother here is just over reacting, everything is all good." I nodded my head at Emmitt, I'm not sure which of us I was trying to convince.

"All good, that's why you're wearing a long sleeved shirt under your gym t-shirt right?" Hoss ever the agitator questioned.

"I was cold" I deadpanned not removing my gaze from Emmitt.

"Must you always be the most infuriating person on the face of the earth?" Hoss grumbled as he forcibly turned me into his chest lifting the back of my shirt to show Emmitt my damage.

As I heard the sharp intake of breath behind me my head slumped onto Hoss's shoulder. _Defeat._ He slowly put my shirt back down gently wrapping his arms around me petting the back of my head. He was barely touching me yet, I felt a warm tingling sensation from head to toe. His embrace was like being enveloped in warmth. _It doesn't feel at all like the one I shared earlier with James. __**Maybe because you don't have your tongue down his throat and you're not grinding against him?**_

"Bella?" Emmitt asked looking and sounding completely aghast.

I turned out of Edward's embrace to face Emmitt, instantly missing the warm, tingling sensation.

"Please don't its nothing like I told you, I'm just a bit tender. I'm fi – alright and I'll be good in a few day no worries," I tried to smile reassuringly at Emmitt, correcting myself as I heard Hoss sigh as I almost said 'fine.'

"Baby girl, that is not nothing. You aren't alright or **fine**. You can talk to me; you know I would do anything for you. I can be serious when the situation calls for it and this is serious," Emmitt was looking intently at me as he spoke.

"You really are the best big brother anyone could ever have and as your self-appointed little sister I promise you there is nothing for you to worry about," I nodded my head as I spoke hoping it would make me more convincing.

"Why are you wearing long sleeves?" Hoss pressed.

"Christ you are a nag. I explained to everyone **else** this morning I fell so I am a little banged up, will you get off it already?" I asked exasperated.

"No, how did you fall on your face, your head, your arm and your back all at once?" Hoss continued.

"Yeah," Emmitt added confused.

_Shit._ "Ugh, do you always take such detailed notes on my appearance ?" I tried changing the subject. _Deflect and redirect._

"I can't help it you are the center of my universe," Hoss deadpanned. "Really Bella, you can trust us, we can help you. There is a well documented correlation between PTSD and domestic violence by police officers," Hoss looked at me like I was some fragile piece of glass.

Rubbing my hands down my face, "Charlie didn't do anything to hurt me, you dumbass, never has, never will."

"Are you sure B, we saw how upset he got with you when you flipped E the bird a couple of weeks ago. Now that I think about it you seemed so freaked out by him, scared even," Em added.

"I was taken aback, I think that was the first time Charlie had ever reprimanded me and I was mortified that he felt the need to do so in front of all of you. Trust me, neither Charlie or Renee has ever raised a hand to me," I vowed.

Both Em and Hoss were still looking at me waiting for an explaination. _They are obviously not going to let this go._

"Alright, alright. I got into a disagreement with…a former friend at a party Saturday night," I pointed to my arm, "things got a little heated and I was having a verbal temper tantrum," I pointed to my cheek, "after giving…this person a bloody lip…they shoved me into a piece of marble furniture," I pointed to the back of my head, eyes and back. "Because I was pushed backward I didn't have the chance to break my fall with anything other than my head and back, but I assure you **everything** is ok it just looks worse than it is."

I glanced briefly at Hoss not able to register the look on his face before I focused my attention on Emmitt.

"Aw princess, I didn't think I needed to teach you how to fight, I just assumed you would be able to kick ass for yourself. Who was this bitch, I hope you did some damage when you busted her lip?" Emmitt asked seeming to relax a bit knowing a version of the whole story, even if it wasn't the most accurate.

Chuckling darkly I answered, "Who it was doesn't matter. I doubt I did much damage, but seeing as I won't be going back there anytime soon and even when I do go I am positive I will not be spending my time anywhere near my opponent there is really nothing to worry about. Now come on can we go back to normal now Junior Gorg?" Emmitt smirked at the name, "What you think your Fraggle Rock reference was lost on me earlier?"

Emmitt finally let out a bellowing laugh. I laughed amused that it took so little to light his eyes again. I looked over at the sometimes friendly sometime angry green eyes. His eyes were intent and discerning as he watched me. He was looking for the chink in my armor, a way to disprove what I was saying.

_Not going to happen because nothing I said was untrue. __**No not untrue, you just purposely neglected to say he and failed to correct Em when he assumed it was a broad.**__ I didn't confirm it either. __**Keep telling yourself that. **__Grr, shut up._

We were the last team to take the court, playing only one match before class was over. Every time Hoss was watching me I could feel his eyes following me. At least he was predictable in his ever changing moods. Every time I met his gaze I would be treated to a different look from the last. He would be pensive, curious, angry, concerned, disgusted or timid. _I wonder if he gives himself a headache with his mood swings, I know my head hurts._

When I got home that afternoon, I deliberately avoided the email from Lucy, I still couldn't find it in myself to read or delete it, at least not yet. I hurried to complete my homework. I realized I was going to have to spend some time in the library this week actually doing independent study. _**That could take away from your making out with the hot outcast.**_ After a quiet dinner with Charlie and Renee I went back into my room to stare at the email until I gained the courage to read it.

It was 11:30 PM before I finally opened the offending item.

**B-**

**I don't know if you actually going to read this or whether it will just end up going out into the universe. I just wanted to say I am sorry about the way everything went down last night. Jaci could have told me or Jake that you were coming into town and a lot of needless drama could have been avoided.**

**I only think it is fair that I get the chance to say my side of the story. I have to say I was pretty upset when I saw Jake kiss you. You have no idea how hard it has been to watch for the last two years as Jake and everyone else fawns all over you. You have said it yourself, I have always been the pretty one in our group, and yet you were the one that got the guy. Jake is this amazing, popular, beautiful guy and instead of going for me he picked you. Everyone picked you. **

**You are this crazy combination of being, super athletic, mildly attractive, with a bizzarr sense of humor and for some reason, only god knows, everyone loved you. I have had to wait in the wings for two years for the chance for people to notice me. You loved every minute of the attention too, you like to act like you are reserved and humble but I know the real you, the self-centered attention whore. **

**When you said you were leaving I was relieved because it meant that I would finally get the chance to step out from under your shadow. I knew this was going to be my opportunity to experience the life I should have had all along in high school, and that is exactly what happened. That first weekend you were gone people were all too eager to talk to me at parties, and Jake noticed what has been right under his nose this whole time.**

**Out of some sense of fondness for the time we spent together over the last couple of years, I am telling you this for your own good. The world doesn't revolve around you, maybe if you realize this you won't find yourself in this situation again. **

**Good Luck.**

**Lucy.**

I read through it several times before I deleted it and blocked Lucy and Jake from my email account. While the words she used were comprehendible to a third grader, I couldn't make sense of anything. I apparently was the worst thing to happen to Lucy. She feels I am self-absorbed and have a tendency to command attention from everyone around me. So basically, Lucy spend nearly all her free time with me for two years because being around me was a requirement to make friends and get in with the people she wanted to be friends with?

I never knew my best friend thought I stole her life out from under her. I've never sought out popularity, I've never even considered most people I know my friends. They were just that people I know and hung out with, my friends were three people and they were practically family; Jaci, Lucy and Jake. Now I know I couldn't have been more wrong about things; I excused Jakes controlling behavior and cheating because he was Jake and he was damn near perfect. I loved my best friends Jaci and Lucy as my sisters.

My leaving California couldn't have been better for her. She decided to write, out of some sense of fondness, _what the fuck is that?,_ to tell me that when I left she saw it as an opportunity to experience high school the way it should have been if I wasn't always around sucking up all the attention.

All-in-all the email was neither contrite nor what I expected. It was filled with excuses for how I was responsible for the way things turned out in last weekend. I went to bed thinking about how things were not at all how I always thought they were. I never thought of myself as the center of attention, but she was the third person in as many weeks to accuse me of needing to be the center of attention.

On my drive to school Tuesday I was firming up my resolve to not be the person Lucy described in the email. I was not going to draw undue attention to myself, nor was I going to take what didn't rightfully belong to me. That includes Hoss', _no damn it, maybe you could also try to use people's real names, _Edward's brother and friends.

I found a parking spot on the opposite end from where I had been parking, and then made my way to class. I avoided Emmitt and the rest of the group. I nodded to Alice when she said hi to me but didn't wait to walk with her between classes. I did stop and talk to James after history. When he asked if I wanted to get together today I told him I couldn't miss class but maybe later this week if I got everything done.

Other than James I deftly avoided making conversation with anyone else all morning. As I sat in biology waiting for class to begin I could feel angry eyes making his presence known.

"Did Alice do something to upset you?" Hoss asked. _Damn it I was really trying to call him by his name in an effort to be neutral. _

"No," I answered.

"So you're avoiding her for no reason?" he huffed.

"No."

"I guess we can't all be as interesting and deserving of your attention like James," he mumbled.

"Maybe I would agree that James is not worth my attention if any of you could give me a straight answer as to why I should avoid him, but none of you seem to be willing to do that so all I have to go by is how he has treated me. At least he is consistent and in most cases it is better than some **other** people," I leveled my eyes at him as I ended my response.

"So now we're back to me, am I the reason you are brushing Alice off? Does that mean you will be treating Emmitt and everyone else with the same frigid touch?" Hoss asked.

"Why do you care, I am trying to do the right thing here? What do you want from me? I get death glares from you and your pretty princess for forging friendships with them and now you're all up in my shit 'cause I am trying to back off your friends and family. I have no interest or intent to befriend any of the other yahoos around here. So that leaves one other person who has been remotely congenial to me, James. For that I also get ridiculed. Tell me **HOSS**, who, if anyone, am I allowed to talk to? I realize it would be better for you and your perfect life if I never came here, but I am here now. You can hate me all you want but apparently I'm not going anywhere. I gave myself this huge pep talk today, I was determined not to be the Bella I've been accused of being, but apparently that too isn't good enough…" while my rant started off strong by the end I just trailed off as the overwhelming feeling of loneliness once again enveloped me.

Hoss, was once again staring at me with a look of utter confusion, "What are you talking about?"

Rubbing my hands down my face I took a deep breath before I responded, "Never mind, it doesn't matter. I'm not trying to be a bitch here, I just" but I didn't get to finish my unformed thought because Mr. Banner called class to order.

As I zoned out through the rest of biology, I realized that doing the right thing was going to be more difficult than I originally thought this morning. I came up with a new plan, Operation Keep Busy and Under the Radar. _OKBUR, hmm might have to work on that code name, doesn't quite roll off the tongue._

In the cafeteria I grabbed a bottle of water and an apple. I walked over to our usual table and figured I would only sit briefly. As soon as I downed my apple I was going to excuse myself to the library for the rest of lunch. Only Alice and Jasper were at the table when I sat down.

"Sorry if I was a bitch this morning, I was sort of out of it," I apologized.

"I understand, is everything ok with you? You've been…different, I guess, since you came home" Alice asked eyeing me closely.

"I'm fine," I tried to smile as I answered.

Alice returned to picking at her food, but Jasper eyed me with the smallest smirk on his face, he didn't buy my placation. In an attempt to hide from his observant gaze I cast my eyes at the table and bit into my apple. _The sooner you finish the sooner you can get away._

"Slow down Ren, you realize that is not your beloved ice-cream bar" Emmitt asks.

"Oh no, I know what you want. You coveteth my ice-cream bar" I retorted as I hid my continued assault on my apple.

"You have an impressive amount of random cartoon knowledge, but I vow I will stump you one day, my young padawan" Emmitt assures me.

"Jedi master, my ass. We have already established what happens when you take me on one-on-one," I teased as I finished my apple.

Rose couldn't help but laugh as I put Em in his place.

"So glad you could join us today," Rose said in a snarky tone.

"Actually, I've got to head to the library; I have to get my first essay pretty well put together for my meeting with Mader this Friday" I responded.

"Do you have to?" Emmitt pouted.

"Look at it as shared custody of you. The perfect pair can re-join you at lunch and I still get to hang with you in PE," I offered as a consolation.

"You don't have to do that," Emmitt continued.

"Maybe not, but I do have to go to the library, see you guys later," I waved as I grabbed my bag and walked away.

I spied Hoss and Cruella in what looked like a heated argument. _Good luck with that princess. I guess I am not the only one the hotness monster annoys. __**He might annoy you but you still think he is a hotness monster.**__ Whatever._

I worked diligently throughout the rest of lunch and fifth period. When I got to gym I was relieved to find out that girls were running again today while the guys hit the weights. I decided not to run today but rather walk, very slowly around the track. I have no idea how many laps I walked but I headed back into the gym with the last few stragglers. I successfully avoided face time with Emmitt or Hoss for that matter.

As I was leaving the gym Emmitt approached me, "Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"This selfless martyr act, you are our friend, Edward is our friend. I've already had this conversation with Edward, now it's your turn. Neither one of you is allowed to blow us off. Get over yourselves. You will both put your big girl panties on and deal with being around each other. Eventually you will learn to like one another. Do you understand?" Emmitt asked seeming for the first time annoyed with me.

"Em, I'm just trying to do the right thing" I said in a low voice.

"Well then you will do what I have asked you to do, and stop avoiding" Emmitt commanded.

"I will work on trying to learn to like him, but only because he's your brother and I love you so much," I hugged Emmitt as I whispered a promise not to avoid him anymore.

When I got home, I got to work on my homework. I was near finished when Renee came to my door.

"Bella, you have a guest that says he needs to speak with you," Renee stated.

"Um, ok I wasn't expecting anyone," I got up slowly and headed downstairs.

I don't know who I was expecting, but if I guessed a million times I would not have guessed right. Standing in my living room, freshly showered was H-Edward. _That is going to take some getting used to._

"Hey?" I said utterly confused as to why he was here.

"Hey," I nodded my head waiting for him to continue, "our lab is due tomorrow and we have yet to combine our data. I was hoping we could do that if you aren't too busy."

"I totally spaced it, um, yeah we can do it now if you want" I offered as I tried to figure out the best place for us to work. _Renee would hover too much in the kitchen, Charlie will be home soon so the living room was out, I don't really want to hang out with sex on legs in my room._

"Great, I was thinking we could head over to the diner and grab a bite to eat while we work…if that's ok with you" he seemed just as uncomfortable as I felt.

"Um, sure just let me grab my stuff," I responded.

"What are you two kids up to?" Renee asked.

"H-Edward is my lab partner and we have a lab due tomorrow. We are going to head over to the diner to finish it up. I'll be back later. Edward, do you want to help me gather my books?" I asked. I didn't want to tempt Renee into starting the Spanish inquisition with Edward as I ran upstairs. I willed Edward to accept with my eyes.

"Yeah, no problem," he answered as he moved to follow me upstairs.

Once we reached my room I immediately began digging though my stack of books and notebooks for what I would need.

"Sorry about that, I just figured I would spare you the joy that is Renee," I turned to see Edward taking inventory of my space.

"Uh, yeah thanks I think," he answered absentmindedly as he perused my bookshelf before finding my guitar leaning against it.

"You play?" he asked.

"A little, I taught myself so not well. I am better on piano. How about you do you play?" I returned. _What's this a civilized conversation, no angry eyes, or snarky comments from either of us so far?_

"Actually, I play piano too," Edward smiled, "Jazz plays guitar and I've always wanted to learn but never really gotten around to it."

"You should, I find a guitar a lot easier to lug around than a Steinway," I chuckled.

Chuckling Edward asked, "Are you ready?"

"Yep, do you want me to follow you so you don't have to come back around?"

"Just ride with me, I'll bring you back home, even if we have another argument," Edward smirked.

_Fuck me his smirk does things to my girly parts._ _**Calm down there tiger, I am sure Super Teen Skipper would be none too happy with your tingling girly parts over her boyfriend.**_

"So you're planning on having another argument tonight?" I asked, only partially joking.

"What, no. I did mean…I was just joking," Edward stumbled seeming flustered.

I couldn't help but laugh, "don't worry, I was mostly joking myself."

I said a quick good bye to Renee as we walked out the door. I followed Edward to his car where he opened the passenger door for me. I stopped to stare at him with my head cocked to the side.

"Are you afraid I'll hurt you car by opening the door myself?" I asked.

"Sorry, just habit," was all he offered as he backed away from the door.

We started towards the diner in silence. After an excruciatingly long moment Edward spoke up.

"So, you like to read? I couldn't find an exact genre that you are particularly fond of?" Edward asked with forming a question.

"Hmm, you got that from your unapologetic prying into my book shelves?" I chastened.

"I didn't mean to pry, I was, I don't know, curious about you I guess," Edward seemed embarrassed about having been called out.

"I'm kidding actually. I guess you could say my tastes are a bit eclectic. To be honest I am really a nerd. I love to read, it doesn't really matter what, I just enjoy a good story. As a kid, I never played with dolls, but begged my parents for hundreds of Barbies just so that I could act out Shakespeare with them. My mom started reading the complete works of Shakespeare to me as a baby, and by the time I was in third grade Jaci and I coloring flyers for the 'Old Globe Theater, Barbie Edition,'" just talking about it made me smile.

We grabbed our books and walked into the diner. Edward led us to a booth in the far back corner of the restaurant. Once we had settled he asked, "So judging from the smile on your face Jaci is not the 'former friend you got into a fight with last weekend?"

Instantly my mood soured, "no."

"Hmm. So, what are you going to be having?" he changed the subject.

"I'm not really hungry," he gave me a look that instantly made me feel guilty.

"You're really going to make me eat all by myself?" he asked pulling out the same puppy dog pout that Alice and Emmitt have used on me in the past.

_Did they teach that look in school here or something?_ "Fine, I guess some fries won't kill me."

When our waitress came over Edward ordered a burger with the works for himself with fries for both of us, before asking what I wanted to drink. _Gee dad, do you think I am capable of ordering my own drink._

I rolled my eyes at him before asking for an iced tea while Hoss completed our order with his own coke. I was trying desperately not to get upset with him. I promised Em I would try.

"So…I talked to Em after PE and I promised him I would attempt to get along with you for his sake...I guess we should consider this evening our attempt at starting fresh?" I asked not quite sure how to broach the subject.

"Is it really that difficult to be around me?" he sounded hurt.

"No. At least not when you are not talking," I said it before I realized how it sounded when it came out. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

"Yes you did. I believe you said once that I was 'pretty' but then I speak and 'poof' I ruin it," he teased.

"Do you record everything I say so that you can use it against me at a later date?"

"No, I just pay attention, but seriously I would like it if we could try to be friends so yes I think we should start fresh tonight," he agreed.

Our waitress brought over our drinks and informed us that our food would be ready soon.

"So friend, what do you say we hold off on work until after we have finished eating?"

"Um…yeah I guess."

"Well as your friend I was wondering are you ever going to tell anyone the truth, and I mean the whole truth about what happened to you last weekend?"

"You don't know when to quit do you?"

"Do you always answer questions you don't want to answer with a question?" Hoss continued.

With a deep sigh I answered, "I told you the truth about what happened."

"You told a version of the truth, it didn't go un-noticed that you only used non-gender specific descriptions, 'a former friend,' 'this person,' 'they,' and you didn't use 'she' or 'her' after Em assumed it was a girl instead you referred to **him** as 'my opponent,'" Hoss stated obviously proud of his deductive skills.

"It's kind of a long complicated story and in the end it doesn't really matter," I stated.

"Well I've got time and I'm sure I can keep up," he encouraged.

After a stare down, I sighed, "I feel like I should at least get a shot before launching into my story."

"You do that a lot don't you?"

"Do what?" I asked.

"Drink" he stated.

"And you do **that** a lot Judge Wapner," I accused.

"Do what?" he asked.

"Judge me," I challenged.

Hoss looked at me incredulously, "I'm not judging you, but you are a master of the redirect, and I am not letting you off that easy. I told you I have time and we can dance around it all night if you want but eventually we will come back to this."

"Fine. So I mentioned Jaci, she is one of my best friends, the other is…er was Lucy. Jaci and I met Lucy our freshman year. I thought the three of us were best friends, so close we were practically sisters. I also met Jake my freshman year he and I dated for the last two years. The night before we moved he broke up with me because apparently I was not worth doing the long distance thing with," I paused as our waitress returned with our food. I waited until he began eating to continue.

"So I was pretty bummed about moving but it's not like I had a choice. Jaci and her mom Darla booked me a trip to San Diego last weekend for a quick visit. Jaci and Lucy had not been getting along since shortly after I left. Jaci was not real sure what was up with Lucy only that she was avoiding her and as far as I could tell not taking my calls. We went to a party at our friend Alex's house Saturday night. After a few drinks I had yet to see Lucy, and I had asked around if Jake was going to show," I was stalling now as I played with my fries.

"Did he?" Edward asked. I almost forgot he was sitting across from me.

"Um, yeah so after I found out he was going to be there I decided I should clean up. It was against the rules for me to be drinking at a party. Not that I should have cared that I was breaking one of his rules but it was just habit to comply. So anyway I walked into Alex's, sister's room to borrow her bathroom," I paused again to take a drink of my tea.

"Don't think I'm not going to come back to that comment about the rules later, but go on with what happened that night," Hoss informed me.

"Of course, I'm sure you will cue the voice recording to just that part to replay before I see you next so you don't forget," I rolled my eyes. "So, anyway, I walked in on Jake and Lucy getting together. I stormed out with Jake struggling to put his clothes back on and chase me down the hall. He grabbed my arm to stop me from leaving." I rubbed my arm where the bruise was slowly turning from purple to green.

"In case you haven't noticed, when I am upset I tend to rant a bit," I shrugged. "Jake did slap me across the face to…well I don't really know what his reason was other than he wanted to. As I stood there seething at him with my eyes, he thought it would be a good time to kiss me. I bit his lip until I tasted blood. As he pulled away I gave him a knee to his junk. To his credit he took it like a man before he shoved me backwards. This is the point in the night where things get a bit fuzzy. The next thing I remember I was on the couch with my head in Jaci's lap. She told me Jake threw me into a rod iron and marble credenza. The party broke up when Alex and some of the other guys kicked Jake and Lucy out. I assume the black eyes I got were related to the goose egg on the back of my head. So there you have it that is what happened."

Edward had stopped eating at some point in time as was staring daggers at me again with his jaw clenched tightly.

"Now why are you pissed at me, I told you everything just like you asked?" I asked as I looked across at him.

Edward tugged his hand through his hair and took a deep breath before responding, "I'm not pissed at you I'm pissed at the situation. You realize you had a concussion and should have been seen by a doctor. You could have had a serious complication."

"Could have but didn't, I'm" I didn't finish.

"If you say 'fine' I swear I will have to break something," Hoss warned.

"Ok, I didn't have any complications, and I seem to have healed without the care of a physician," I stated proud that I didn't once use the word 'fine.'

"Alright so you survived your concussion, but what of Lucy, did you ever talk to her?" he asked.

"No I didn't talk to her. When I got home Sunday night I saw I had an email from her but I didn't get the balls to read it until last night," I explained.

"Well?"

"Yes, well, she took that opportunity to write five paragraphs explaining how it was my fault she was in bed with my ex-boyfriend. You see I am self-centered and I demand attention from all those around me. Lucy was always prettier than me, and was very upset when I ended up with Jake our freshman year, he should have chosen her. I stole her high school experience from her, popularity, boyfriend, and whatever else she wanted, I guess. So you see my whole life in California was a lie with the exception of Jaci. I don't want to make the same mistakes here. That's why"

"That's why you have been trying to avoid everyone? That's what your spiel about 'doing the right thing' earlier was referencing?" Edward asked.

"Well yeah, I don't want anyone to resent me so much they look forward to the day they can fuck me over to get even just because I unknowingly walked into a situation where I took over a life that belongs to someone else," I said as I looked into his sad green eyes.

With a sigh Edward spoke, "for being so smart you really are dense sometimes."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't go ruffling your feathers, I don't mean any harm," he held his arms up in surrender. "Bella, this **is** your life, and that was your life. You have and had every right to enjoy it. There is no reason for you to take a back seat in your own life to make someone else feel better. I'll admit you frustrate the hell out of me but that is because I just can't figure you out. You're this walking contradiction. You're intelligent yet dense, you have a commanding presence yet you're guarded almost shy, you're silly and light yet emotionally weighted, you're verbally lethal yet you also seem wounded, you're strong of will and yet your spirit is broken, your athletic yet beautiful and feminine. Don't ever stop participating in **your** life; you are this amazing conundrum that makes you and everything around you all the more exquisite."

As Edward concluded his assessment of me he punctuated his last thought with a squeezed of my hand. I am not sure at what point he grabbed my hand because I was so wrapped up watching the shade of his green eyes change almost imperceptibly as he spoke. I could see nearly every one of the moods I had discerned from him in the past few weeks cross his face as he spoke about me.

I realized he was just as perplexed by me as I was by him and suddenly he was far less annoying, maybe I didn't need to see his head on a stick…all the time. I squeezed his hand in return enjoying the feeling of warmth surging from his hand to mine. I broke eye contact with him taking a drink again.

"So I guess we should get to work," I suggested.

After clearing his throat and taking one last drink he moved his plate out of the way and retrieved his books. We were able to complete our work relatively fast. When we were finished he insisted on paying since it was our inaugural meal as friends, I agreed only after he let me leave the tip.

We made idle chit chat about school and the rest of the gang on our way home. There was a palpable change in the atmosphere around us. I contemplated this as I tried to fall asleep. I shared more with Edward tonight than I had with anyone else since moving here. He has repeatedly made me want to kill him yet he also made me want to tell him everything. As I thought about the ride home I realized the hostility was gone, I'm not sure what it was replaced by but one thing was for sure something had shifted.

**Finally, we have a conversation between Bella and Edward that doesn't end with one of them huffing off to have a hissy fit. If ever you don't get a reference, especially between Bella and Em just ask. They are typically rooted in some cartoon, food or movie. I hope you are enjoying this story as much as I am, please review. Thanks for reading, I hope to update again early next week. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello all, so it looks like I will be trying to update weekly-ish. My goal is to do it sometime between Friday and Tuesday because that is typically when I have more time available. Please remember, this is my first fanfic. I do apologize if there are typos, grammatical errors and malapropism, I try to catch them but inevitably some slip by. **

**As always the story and characters of Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended with this story.**

I woke Wednesday actually looking forward to going to school today. As I showered I realized that Edward was right this is my life and I deserve to enjoy it. I knew Em was going to be pleased that Edward and I could spend more than five minutes in each other's presence without killing one another. I'm sure that I would still find him annoying as all hell from time to time but all in all he seems to be a good guy deep down, **way** deep down.

Finally allowing myself to see though the thick clouds that have been looming over me I sat down to enjoy breakfast with Charlie and Renee.

"So it looks like you and the hot young Cullen have been able to get over that disastrous first meeting?" Renee asked.

Charlie looked to me for confirmation.

"We are attempting to get along for Emmitt's sake. Since Em agreed to adopt me as my big brother he demanded that Edward and I make an effort to get along in the name of family," I informed Renee.

"Does that mean, 'as family' you're ignoring how hot he is?" Renee asked shocked.

"How Edward looks is of less importance to me than how he acts. For some reason he has a tendency to push all the wrong buttons with me. I spend more time trying to control my temper around him than I do checking him out."

_Ok, maybe I've looked a time or two. __**A time or two, you are practically in heat for the boy. **__Yes hot for the boy that has a pretty pom-pom toting princess hanging off his arm. _

"Maybe you find him so frustrating because he is not pushing the **right** buttons with you. Sometimes you have to show a boy **which** buttons you like pushed," Renee suggested.

Charlie grumbled something inaudible before putting the paper on the table and walking out the door.

"Do you have to be such a perv all the time, I swear you just to it to freak dad out," I accused.

We both laughed as we heard the cruiser start up.

"What, if not me, who are you going to talk to about boys. That reminds me I refilled your pills; remember you will have to be on them for a month again before they take effect since you jacked up your last cycle. You better use condoms to be safe until then," Renee advised.

"Gees woman, I'm not currently having sex with anyone there is no need to go all planned parenthood on me," I snapped as I got up to leave.

"Calm down, you have no idea how lucky you are, I could never talk to my mother as openly as we do. She would have killed me if she ever found out I had sex in high school. There is no way in hell she would have helped me get and understand how to use contraception," Renee explained.

"Maybe but you're going to send Charlie to an early grave, you don't have to constantly remind him that his only daughter is sexually active," I told her.

"First, don't call your dad 'Charlie' he hates that. Second, who do you think I was having sex with in high school?"

"You're not just a perv, you're delusional if you thing I want to hear about you and dad and your spring awakening. I'll see you later ma," I called as I made my way to the door.

"And you're too easy, you are so your father's daughter," Renee laughed.

Shaking my head I got in Libby and made my way to school. I parked and quickly made my way over to where Emmitt and everyone else was gathered talking. Emmitt had not yet seen me so I decided to surprise him. Edward could see me but remained silent as I sprinted and jumped onto Emmitt's back.

"Is this what you had in mind when you told me to stop avoiding you?" I asked, as I held on with one arm and gave him a noogie with my free hand.

"You're killing me Smalls…augh watch the do," Emmitt whined.

I couldn't help my laughter, "Aw come on Ham, if anything I'm making it better," I teased as I released him.

"Seriously, are they always like this?" Edward asked.

I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back against Emmitt, "Yep, 'cause that's how we roll,'" I announced.

This just caused Em and I to launch into another fit of laughter. Edward wasn't laughing, but he wasn't glaring either. He had a smirk on his face as he watched Em and I. _The sexy smirk is an improvement. __**The smirk is an improvement, but what about the fact that you find it sexy?**__ It's just an observation nothing to get all worked up about._

"You guys really are trying to get along," Alice gushed. "I am so is going to be so means you coming with us this weekend, right Bella?Oh my god, it is going fantastic."

Nodding my head not quite following Alice's outburst I asked, "Has she ever passed out from the lack of oxygen when she gets going like that?"

We were all laughing while Alice pouted as the warning bell sounded. I started for calculus along the way Edward caught up to me and was matching my pace.

"I'm glad to see you participating in **your** life," Edward leaned into me as he whispered into my hair.

The chill that ran through me made me want to roll my eyes back into my head.

"And I'm glad that I didn't want to decapitate you once this morning," I said as I looked through the corner of my eye as we continued to class. "Actually that reminds me, what were you doing with us this morning I usually don't see you until I get to class?"

"Sorry you had to put up with me for an additional ten minutes today, maybe I can duck out of PE early so I don't overdo my allotted time in your presence," Edward huffed.

"Oh my god, take your Midol. I wasn't saying I had a problem with it; it was more of an observation. Don't be such a sensitive Sally" I replied as I made my way to my seat.

_Ok, so I guess I shouldn't order those matching 'best friends forever' key chains just yet. __**Or you could just not suggest he is a girl on the rag.**__ Well maybe he shouldn't act like one. __**You're hopeless.**_

As we made our way to second period after class I decided to be the bigger person.

"Sorry about earlier. The whole truce between us is still new," I shrugged. _Wow, best apology ever. _ I wanted to smack my forehead but restrained myself.

Shaking his head with **that** smirk he said, "Maybe I was being overly sensitive. It's just everything between you and Em seems so easy and natural. I guess I'm a little jealous."

I felt really guilty, I patted his arm soothingly as I responded, "you know even if Em and I joke about being brother and sister, it's not the same thing as you and him being actual brothers. I'm not going to take him away from you."

Edward started laughing; he shook his head before telling me, "You really are dense sometimes."

Annoyed yet again I took my seat. After class this time Alice joined us as we walked to English. Once again she talked so fast I only heard half of what she was going on about. Apparently I just **had** to go with them this weekend. This week's game was against the Vashon Island Pirates, since it was a four hour drive to the school Dr. and Mrs. Cullen were taking everyone into Seattle for the night before heading home Saturday evening.

While it sounded like a good time I could see several issues with her plans. One, Edward's and I were tenuous at best it is quite possible we would kill each other when faced with that much time together. Two, I don't know how Dr. and Mrs. Cullen would like it if I crashed their getaway. Even if one and two were somehow not a problem, I doubted Charlie would let me going on an overnight trip with chaperones he barely knew.

When I voiced my thoughts to Alice, she informed me it was already decided and not to worry about it. Rather than argue with the pixie I let it go, odds are she would get distracted by a shiny object and forget all about it.

_Charlie might not like it, but Renee would probably stock me up with condoms and tell me to have a good time. Which leads me to reason four, do I really want to be the pathetic tagalong with three couples. __**Well actually if you count Dr. and Mrs. Cullen its four couples. **__Even better. __**Don't forget your treaty with Edward doesn't include a Big Red clause. **__Why would I want to go again?_

On our way to biology I was still holding out hope that Charlie would shoot the idea down as soon as he heard it.

"I guess this means we have a few days to work the kinks out of out truce," Edward said as we took our seats.

"You're assuming my parents would let me go," I replied.

"The sooner you accept that Alice is rarely wrong about these things the better. What the fairy wants the fairy gets," he informed me.

"I'm sure she has never met the likes of Charlie, he makes me look like a push over," I admitted.

"Care to make a wager on that?" Edward taunted.

"Name your terms?" I asked.

"A good will savings bond," he said.

"And what exactly is that?"

"Well if you end up going with us, you owe me good will, my bond will earn interest, when it matures I will cash it in for a favor from you," Edward explained.

"What kind of favor?"

"I don't know exactly, I can tell you that it wouldn't be anything outrageous. I promise I wouldn't ask anything of you that would jeopardize our attempt at being friends. Do you trust me?" Edward asked.

_Yes._

"Well seeing as I am sure to win I guess it's a non-issue. So more importantly what do I get when I win?" I asked.

Edward pressed his lips into a thin line, I wasn't sure if he was bothered by my confidence or my lack of trust in him. After a moment he responded, "You can have anything you want, just name it."

"Well if you don't have to name terms exactly neither do I. So I guess I will take one of your good will bonds when I win," I stuck out my hand to shake on it.

When he grabbed my hand, like last night, I once again felt warmth and comfort. Only this time I was glad that I was sitting because the smile he gave me made my knees weak. _I feel like such a girly-girl around him sometimes. __**Pretty soon you'll be giggling and batting your eyelashes.**__ God help me._

After class I told Edward to remind Em that I was going to be in the library and I would see him at PE. I didn't want Em to think I was avoiding him again. I didn't need another come to Jesus talk. I was surprised that Edward looked disappointed that I wasn't going to lunch the thought made me smile as I walked to the library.

I was settled in a quiet corner working on my essay, when James took the seat across from me.

"Hey," I smiled.

"So is this how you off set your ditching, spending lunch in the library?" James asked.

"Something like that, my own version of time off for good behavior," I answered.

"You know I haven't spent much time in here, do you think you could show me where a book is?" he asked with a devilish smile on his face.

"Sure, there is one, and right next to it there is another one," I pointed to the closest shelf, "now I've shown you two."

"Funny, I was thinking about a book in that section behind you," James pointed over my shoulder.

"And what's in it for me to stop working?" I asked with my eyebrow raised.

"I'm sure I could make it worth your while," he promised as he pulled me to my feet and led me behind the stacks.

James immediately pressed his lips to mine and backed me up against a wall of books, I groaned at the contact. James must have taken that as an indication that he was making it worth my while because he forced his tongue into my mouth. Not that I minded really, it was just a little abrupt. So instead of working I spent my lunch making out with James in the stacks.

As James was resituating himself at the end of lunch I asked, "I think next time we should see about finding a more secluded forum so that instead of just showing you a book we can read a bit too."

"Meet me here tomorrow?" James asked.

"I actually do have to get some work done, so I will be here even if you aren't."

"Tomorrow then," James said as he walked away, I was watching him go as I saw Edward enter the library.

I watched with curious fascination as the two gave each other as much space as possible as. I couldn't see James' expression but Edward's stare grew cold and angry as they passed one another. I was surprised as Edward sat down across from me. He eyed me carefully; neither of us spoke as he took inventory. Not wanting to pick a fight I decided to wait for him to speak. Eventually he talked to me.

"I thought you had work to do?"

"I do," I said as I pointed to my spread on the table.

"I see, I thought since you were planning on working through lunch I would bring you a snack," Edward said holding out an apple, a brownie and a bottle of water.

His voice was steady, and his face held no expression, there was nothing wrong with the way in which he spoke to me per se but I was extremely uncomfortable. His words, voice and actions were too controlled.

"Um thank you?" I didn't mean for it to come out sounding like a question.

After a few moments of silence I asked, "Are you ok?"

With a sardonic smirk he responded, "I'm fine," as he stood and left the library.

_Ok. That was…odd._

I couldn't help the smile that took over my face when I looked down at my 'snack.' _**He really is trying to be a good friend to you.**__ He is, too bad Bizarro Edward is still making appearances._

I spent fifth period making up for the time I lost during lunch. I ate my apple and brownie; they were the best apple and brownie ever. _Of course that could have something to do with the fact that my new friend brought them to me._

I wondered into the gym for PE to see Em sitting on the bleachers in his regular clothes.

"What's wrong Mr. Snuffleupagus?" I asked.

"Hello Bird, nothing's wrong. I'm just waiting my turn to meet with coach. We get a free period for PE today so that coach can go over some changes for Friday's game with each of us individually. E's in with him now." Emmitt informed me.

"Cool, I guess I'll just hang out with you until you have to go in. Coach reaming you guys?" I joked.

"Na, just some strategic changes for the game. We need a win to stay in contention for playoffs." Emmitt answered before asking, "You're coming with us Friday, right?"

"I don't know…assuming your parents don't have a problem with it I'm not sure Charlie will go for it," I answered honestly.

"Are you kidding, my parents would love for you to go. Mom was disappointed she hasn't gotten the chance to properly get to know you. Dad thinks you are hilarious. Between the two of them I am positive they will convince your Dad to let you go" Em sounded just as sure as Alice.

"I'll talk to my folks tonight, but just be prepared for a possible 'no,'" I warned.

Edward joined us a few minutes later, telling Em it was his turn. I waited until Em was gone to speak, "So, I just wanted to say thanks again for thinking of me."

Edward looked quite pensive but eventually responded, "it was nothing."

There was an awkward pause as I thought of what to say next. I noticed most people were just milling about with no real purpose.

"Do we just hang out until class is over?" I asked.

"Pretty much," Edward finally made eye contact with me. After holding my gaze for a moment he added, "You want to play catch?"

"Um sure," I shrugged my shoulders.

Edward got up and retreated to the equipment room. He came back with two baseball gloves and a ball, "Come on." He waved me over as he led the way outside to a grassy area. Edward handed me a glove before parting ways with me.

We tossed the ball in silence for a while; the only sound between us was the smack of the ball against our gloves. It provided a steady rhythm of sound; I found it soothing much like the tick of a metronome.

"Do you consider yourself a good judge of character?" Edward asked out of the blue.

"Um…yes? Well, I don't know, maybe. I would ordinarily say yes, but seeing as I just found out that one of my closest friends actually despised me for two years and I never knew the difference I'm not so sure. Why?"

"Just asking," Edward shrugged.

"What about you, are you a good judge of character?" I asked.

"I guess I would have to give a similar answer. I thought I knew someone very well, I thought they were a good person and as it turns out I was very wrong. I guess in the end we can only judge what people show us to be their character and some people are better actors than others," Edward offered.

_Ok, so somehow we went from a simple activity of tossing a ball back and forth to 'Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy.'_

"Any particular reason you are thinking about people's character?" I was curious as to what had him so thoughtful.

"Just thinking," Edward remarked, "Em should be done by now you want to go and find him?"

"Ok, sure," with my response we walked back to the gym.

As we sat around I was thinking about what Edward said outside. I was sure that his pensive mood was related to his 'character' comments, but I just couldn't make sense of it.

After class ended I gathered my books and headed for the parking lot. Rose and Alice were waiting for me at my car.

"We are following you home today," Rose announced.

"Ok?" I responded.

"The only way your parents are going to let you come this weekend is if I talk to them personally," Alice stated matter-of-factly.

"I see, well in that case, I'll lead the way," I said, "but I hope you have something to keep you entertained until Charlie gets home."

"I'm sure Silvermist will find something to do in your room," Rose said with a smile.

I was trying not to laugh at her use of the descriptor I told her about, but was unable to stop myself when Alice said, "ooh I love Silvermist."

Rose and I both laughed.

It was only a matter of minutes before we reached my house. Renee was all too excited to meet some of my new friends. She invited them to stay for dinner so they could meet Charlie before I ushered them upstairs.

Once in my room Rose sat at my desk and I on my bed while the pixie rummaged through my closet. Occasionally Alice could be heard saying something was great or why hadn't I worn that yet or what was I thinking when I bought that. Rose rolled her eyes at me as we shook our heads at Alice.

"Em and Edward have been acting all weird about you like you're all of a sudden made of blown glass. What's up with that?" Rose was nothing if not direct.

"I guess you could say I had to face some ugly realities on my trip last weekend. It sucked but I am good now," I answered.

"You want to talk about it?" Rose asked.

"Not really, it is what it is. I'm moving on with my life here," I said.

Rose nodded at my answer, just like that she accepted my response and the subject was dropped.

After that I docked my iPod, we listened to music while working on our homework occasionally talking about school. Once Alice finished her homework she was once again flitting around my room. I have to admit she was entertaining to watch. Much like Em she seemed to have ADHD. I was curious about my new friends and their lives before me so I asked.

As it turns out, Alice has practically been raised by Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. Her dad died when she was six and her mother works as a sales rep for a pharmaceutical company traveling nearly eighty-five percent of the time. Her parents were really close with the Cullens and they stepped in to take care of her while Mrs. Brandon traveled. This is part of the reason she and Edward are so close, they **are** basically siblings.

Jasper and Rose moved here when they were ten, Mr. and Mrs. Hale are kind of absentee parents, although it is not clear if it is physically or just emotionally. Like with Alice, Dr. and Mrs. Cullen treat them like their own. _Those two seem to have a propensity for collecting surplus children._

We laughed as they told me stories about growing up together. I felt like I knew them all so much better as we sat around my room sharing our histories. Renee called us down for dinner around six as Charlie walked through the door carrying pizza.

After introductions were made we sat around the kitchen. Charlie went into police mode and began questioning both Alice and Rose. I was embarrassed but they didn't seem to mind. Alice didn't wait too long to ask Charlie about this weekend.

"Chief Swan, I really wanted to meet you and Mrs. Swan so that I could ask your permission for Bella to join us this Friday night. The football game is at Vashon Island. Carlisle and Esme are taking us girls to the game and then renting a hotel in Seattle for the night so we can spend the day in Seattle Saturday and we really want Bella to join us," Alice said calmly.

Both Charlie and I almost choked on our food.

"I see. Well first, please call me Charlie and if you don't want Renee to hurt you, you should probably call her Renee," Renee nodded at Alice to confirm Charlie's statement, "second, I don't know if that is such a good idea."

"Charlie, I want to assure you Bella would be safe. We will not be traveling by ourselves, in fact Carlisle and Esme will be transporting us. They have always taken us with them on the road trips so that we don't have to miss the games. I know for a fact that they want Bella to join us. If it would make you feel more comfortable I can have them call you to discuss the details," Alice was trying to dispel Charlie's reasons for not agreeing before he even raised them.

"Its not that I don't trust Carlisle, he is a good man," Charlie took a drink before continuing, "let me think about it, I'm not saying 'no' but I'm not saying 'yes' either."

I was hiding my smug smile behind a slice of pizza. _Take that squirt, told you Charlie wasn't a push over._

"I understand completely Charlie; I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I will leave you Carlisle's number so you can discuss it with him if you want before you make a decision," Alice finished before giving Charlie a look that was a cross between her Puss in Boots look and a sincere smile.

Charlie crumbled before my eyes; _I've got to learn how to do that. _With a deep sigh Charlie smiled and shook his head, "let me talk to Carlisle, if he says it's not a problem Bella can go."

I wanted to bow at Alice's feet. She was a force to be reckoned with. It took Darla and my mom hours to convince him to let me go to San Diego for a weekend and he has known Darla for ten years. Renee had a smile on her face probably similar to my own, part shocked part impressed. Rose looked bored like she knew the outcome of the discussion before it happened. _ I guess no one doubts Alice._

Alice squealed before throwing her arms around Charlie to thank him. She immediately went back to being Alice, talking a mile a minute. She rattled off Carlisle's phone number, before chatting away about how much fun it was going to be. Charlie just laughed and resumed eating.

I nodded my thanks to Charlie as he smiled back at me.

After dinner the girls headed home.

Charlie stopped me before I went upstairs, "I like them. Rose reminds me of Jaci, a little quiet but I get the feeling she is loyal to a fault. Alice is something else, I feel sorry for the man she marries one day, he doesn't stand a chance." He chuckled, "they are good kids, bring them around more. You know we don't mind your friends hanging around the house, it's been too quiet since we moved here."

I laughed, "If it is noise you want just wait until I bring Em by, he is a lot like Alice but bigger and louder."

"Sounds frightening," Charlie laughed.

I wished him a good night before I headed to my room to watch TV before going to bed. About an hour later I was flipping channels bored out of my mind.

**dad just got off the phone w/urs, gw bond is earning interest starting…now ;) –E**

**I'll try to rmbr that when u bug me 2marrow :P – B**

**Ouch, u wound me. – E**

**I doubt that, have a good nite – B**

**Always so eager 2 get rid of me, nite B, sweet dreams. – E**

I couldn't keep the smile from my face as I read his wishes for sweet dreams.

Thursday passed quickly. Edward and I continued to make attempts to talk to each other without the one of us huffing off. Em and Alice were buzzing with excitement for this weekend. I skipped lunch again, this time James and I ended up in an empty class room making out.

I was feeling a little guilty about it. I felt like I was keeping a secret from my friends, but at the same time I knew they would not be happy about my hook up. James never mentioned my friendships with his former friends. Either he didn't know or didn't care, either way there seemed to be an unspoken rule that we didn't talk about them. Then again we didn't do much talking in general.

Friday morning, Emmitt picked me up for school so I wouldn't have to leave my car at school. Esme was picking us girls up from school after fifth period so that we could make it to the game on time. The guys were getting released at lunch to board the bus to take them to the game. I opted for lunch with the girls before I met with Mrs. Mader to go over my work so far in my government class.

I have to admit I was pretty excited when fifth period finally came to an end. I met up with Alice and Rose as we made our way to the parking lot. Esme was waiting for by a tan Escalade, Carlisle was putting our bags in the back.

"Ladies, you ready?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes," we answered in unison.

"Bella, I am so glad you are joining us," Esme said as she hugged me.

"Thanks for having me," I responded.

Carlisle passed a set of keys to Rose, "you'll follow us. The car is already gassed up, shall we?"

Rose nodded. We climbed into the giant SUV while Esme and Carlisle got into a sleek black Mercedes.

The four hour drive passed quickly between giggles and non-stop chatter supplied mostly by Alice. It was pretty cold out with storm clouds threatening. As we got to the field we parked next to Carlisle and Esme. They pulled several blankets out of the car and handed us each one.

After we took our seats I sighed as I watched School Spirit Skipper stretching out with her fellow cheerleaders. They looked over at the three of us several time with matching looks of disgust. Rolling my eyes I muttered to myself, "This should be fun."

It started pouring a few minutes after kick-off and it didn't stop till half-time. It was cold and we huddled together under a blanket but it was a great game, and I really enjoyed myself. I tried to ignore the frequent dirty looks from the pom-pom brigade. Alice and Rose either didn't notice or chose not to comment on it. It was going to be a long trip with sour puss.

When the game was over we waited for the guys to get showered and changed so we could leave. The guys were ramped up about their win and came bouncing out of the locker room. I wondered how long we would have to wait for the pretty princess to join us. _I wonder if Carlisle and Esme will let me ride with them and I can leave the happy couples to the SUV._

I was unsure of what to do with myself as Alice and Rose jumped into their respective partners' arms. Edward was being congratulated by his parents. Feeling out of the loop I watched the dispersing the crowd around me.

I was confused as I saw Tanya glaring at me while she climbed onto the bus. I looked back to the rest of the group wondering why Tanya was getting on the bus. Before I could ask Emmitt threw me over his shoulder yelling, "Seattle baby!" as he ran to the parking lot.

"Relax Joey, it's not London," I laughed as I watched everyone trail behind Em and I.

Once everyone joined us at the cars Carlisle asked, "So, dinner now, when we get to Seattle or room service?"

Everyone but Emmitt wanted to wait. Eventually we decided to just get to the hotel and order room service. Emmitt pouted but accepted that he had been out voted. He claimed the keys to the extra large vehicle and we climbed in. Rose sat up front with Em, I climbed in the far back and Edward joined me leaving Alice and Jasper in the middle row.

As we made our way to Seattle the car was loud. Em had the music playing loudly as he talked over it recapping the better plays in the game. Jasper was interjecting his comments from time to time between stolen kisses with Alice. Edward remained quiet, he seemed deep in thought.

I guess to anyone else watching I appeared to be deep in thought too. I was staring out the window during the short drive to the ferry dock. Once we parked, Em got out in search of snacks to hold him over until we ate dinner. Alice and Rose decided to find a bathroom and Jasper escorted them. I waved off their invitation opting to find a quiet place.

I noticed that Edward had not left my side but he didn't say anything. I was standing along the rail watching the reflections shift along the water surface. After a few minutes of silence Edward cleared his throat.

"I hope you didn't freeze too much at the game," Edward said in an attempt to initiate the conversation.

"Mmm, it wasn't too bad. Fortunately your parents brought blankets," I said absentmindedly as I continued to stare out on the water.

"Is everything alright with you?" he asked.

I turned to face Edward, "yeah, I'm f…there is nothing wrong with me." Thinking I needed to act 'normal' I decided to talk about the game, "you had a great game. You have quite an arm, really, amazing control considering the conditions."

He furrowed his eyebrows before saying, "thanks."

"You seem less excited than everyone else, I hope my being here didn't cause problems for you," I said curious but not wanting to ask about Tanya.

"No, what would make you think that?" Edward asked.

I was saved from having to explain myself when Emmitt walked up.

"I'm starving!" Em whined.

"Wow, you're right, you look like you're wasting away Em. Maybe Edward should hold onto you so you don't blow away with the wind," I answered him.

Once everyone else joined us I was able to resume zoning out. I couldn't help the feeling that I was stepping on the red dragon's toes by being here. I watched as the lights from the city drew nearer. I had tuned everything and everyone out until I felt heavy material being draped over my shoulders. I turned around to see Edward watching me with concern.

"You're shivering" he said.

"I hadn't noticed. Thanks, but don't you need it?" I asked attempting to remove his jacket.

"Not as much as you do," he responded zipping the jacket up for me.

I smiled at his kind gesture, "thanks." Looking around I noticed that everyone else had retreated indoors. "You want to go inside?" I asked.

"It's up to you, I'm not going to leave you out here all by yourself," he responded.

"Come on," I said as I led the way.

Just before we reached the doors, I slipped. Before I could fall Edward caught me around my waist holding on as I regained my balance. When I looked over my shoulder I couldn't help but notice how close we were.

I could feel his chest against my back; his warm breath was sending shivers down my spine. I watched as the green of his eyes darkened infinitesimally and he licked his lips. _ I want to do that. __**You want to lick his lips?**__ Among other things._

I felt my blush heat my face as I imagined kissing those lips. Fighting to regain composure I forced myself to say 'thank you' but it only came out as a breathy whisper. Edward nodded but it was enough to break the tension surrounding us. I pulled away walking inside, after a brief pause Edward followed.

As we met up with everyone else I couldn't stop playing the moment over and over again in my head. _We can barely stand each other and I wanted to kiss him. __**You've always wanted to kiss him.**__ Yes, but he usually does something to remind me why that would be a bad idea, like making me want to hurt him._

I was warm and content in his jacket. I could smell him on the jacket. I was a pleasant mixture of soap, and sandalwood. _What the hell is wrong with me, I'm sucking in his scent like a fucking stalker?_ Frustrated with myself I shrugged out of the jacket and handed it back to Edward.

He frowned at it but put it back on.

The rest of the trip to the hotel was uneventful. Carlisle dropped Esme off at registration to check us in while we parked the cars. Gathering all of our bags we headed into the lobby of the hotel. We were staying at the Hilton Seattle downtown. When we met Esme in the lobby we followed her to the elevators where she handed the key cards to Emmitt, telling all of us to drop off our stuff then head to their room to order dinner.

We were on the same floor as Carlisle and Esme just down the hall. We walked into a large two bedroom suite. Emmitt immediately claimed a room with rose following him. Alice and Jasper took the other one. Edward and I stood in silence looking around the living room.

"I guess this means you get couch and I'll take a chair," I smiled.

"Welcome to my world when we travel," Edward rolled his eyes, "but you take the couch I'll be fine."

"Sure if you are not planning on sleeping. Besides of the two of us I think I can better manage sleeping on a chair," I explained.

Before we could continue arguing about who would wake up stiff in the morning Emmitt roared, "come on, I need food like yesterday."

When we got to Carlisle and Esme's room it was a lot like ours but it only had one bedroom. After we placed our orders we spread out in the living room waiting for it to arrive. I watched as they all interacted like one big family.

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face as I watched them tease and laugh at each other lovingly. I was amused to see Carlisle and Esme acting more like older siblings rather than parents, they were just as silly and playful as the rest of the bunch. I was enjoying the scene before me when I looked to Edward.

He wasn't participating in the conversation either and looked to be deep in thought. I couldn't help but wonder if he was disappointed that Tanya wasn't here rather than me. I hated the ache in my chest and sadness that followed that thought. _Why should it matter that he was wishing for Tanya and not me? __**Maybe because you wish he wanted you here instead?**__ No, I just feel bad for him. We are friends, or friendly at least it is only normal that I would feel bad for him because he looks so down._

I was grateful when I heard the knock on the door. Emmitt flew to the door like a wild animal. _Maybe I should carry snacks for the big goon in the future._ I couldn't help the snort that escaped me as I had that thought.

After we finished eating we all said good night to Carlisle and Esme before heading to our own room. I was surprised when shortly after we got to the room Emmitt and Rose slipped into their room assumedly not to surface for the rest of the night. After Alice reminded me of my need for rest because she had a big day planned she pulled Jasper along with her into their room. _ And then there were two._

I was sitting on a chair hugging my knees when Edward spoke, "so is this everything you thought it would be?"

Laughing I responded, "I don't know what I thought, but I guess it could be worse." _Yeah I could be forced to watch Edward and Good Time Skipper maul each other._

"You have no idea, at least I have company this time," Edward said sadly.

_Why isn't Skipper here?_

"Yes, I'm sure it was worse before Tanya came along, but if you don't mind me asking why didn't she come now?"

"Bella we broke up a week ago," Edward said like I was absolutely clueless for not knowing this.

"Oh," I said while I tried to recall if I knew this bit of information. _**He was around a lot more this week,**__ but I assumed that was because he was attempting the friend thing. I saw him with her at lunch earlier this week, __**but they were fighting remember. **__Couples fight. _

"I'm sorry, are you…good?" I asked not sure if this was a subject he would want to talk about.

"I am. It's not like we were in love or anything. We were convenient for each other, but it got to the point that the convenience was not worth putting up with her behavior. It was getting harder and harder to find excuses for her. She is not real happy to be dateless with homecoming coming up in a couple of weeks but I'm sure she will find a replacement," he shrugged.

"Yeah she is gorgeous it shouldn't be too hard for her," I smiled at Edward. He grimaced in response.

Before he could say anything else we heard soft moans coming from Alice and Jasper's room. I rolled my eyes while Edward turned on the TV. We were flipping channels looking for something to distract us from our suite mates' activities when we heard Em telling Rose, "yeah just like that."

Edward stood turning off the TV, "you want to get out of here?"

"Oh thank god, I was about to suggest we sleep in your parents room," I said following him out of the room.

"I doubt it is much better in there, trust me," Edward said.

_Eww mental picture of Esme riding Carlisle. _"Thanks," I said as I smacked Edward.

Edward just laughed as we waited for the elevator. We walked around for a while until we found a quiet corner with some couches to lounge on.

"Can I ask you a question?" I asked.

"You just did," Edward smirked.

"Funny, but seriously?" I asked again.

"You can ask me anything, shoot."

"You seemed very thoughtful, almost sad earlier do you miss Tanya, or regret having broken up with her?"

Chuckling Edward responded, "No, Tanya was the furthest thing from my mind. To be honest I was wondering what was up with you. You seemed pretty excited for this weekend when I saw you at school, but after the game you were withdrawn and I thought **you** seemed pensive. I was trying to figure out what caused you to regret coming."

"Oh," was my brilliant response. _**You two are ridiculously similar; you're even feeding into each other's moods.**_

"So…are you going to tell me what changed?"

Drawing my knees up under my chin hugging my legs I responded, "Nothing changed. I assumed that Tanya was coming too, with all the dirty looks I was getting from her and the rest of the junior Barbie league I figured she was not happy about me being there. It was all too easy to see them plotting my death by asphyxiation with a pom-pom. After the game she glared at me as she boarded the bus I was worried that my being here was going to cause problems for you. Then when you got all quiet I figured you were upset because I was here and not Tanya." By the end of my explanation my voice was just above a whisper.

"Well you were right about one thing…" I looked up at Edward waiting for him to confirm that he would have preferred Tanya to me tonight; my chest was beginning to ache again so I hugged my legs closer. "She absolutely hates you. She blames you for our break-up," he said matter-of-factly.

"I knew she didn't like me, but what did I do? She has had a stick up her ass about me since the moment I met her," I said annoyed that I was being blamed for something that I was sure was not my fault.

"She's jealous of you," I was completely baffled by that statement.

"Why, what's there to be jealous of?" I asked.

"Well for starters we had been dating for almost six months and my whole family barely tolerated her. You moved here in within a week Em claimed you as his sister, at your first meeting you had mom and dad laughing and joking around with you and everyone else was eager to get to know you better. I took your side by not defending her to you in the cafeteria incident as did everyone else. She saw our relationship as perfect before you came along and two weeks after you moved here we broke up so in her mind it's your fault."

As Edward explained Tanya's point of view, I felt bad. When I put myself in her shoes I wouldn't like me either.

"Don't do that," Edward ordered.

"Huh, do what?" I asked confused.

"I can see you pulling away, you're on the verge of never talking to any of us again," he said.

"I'm sorry since when can you read minds?" I asked sarcastically.

"I don't have to read your mind it's written all over your face."

"Hmm, and what would you suggest?" I asked.

"I say it doesn't matter. I told you how Tanya felt; I never said it was the reality of the situation. The issues Tanya and I had were present before you moved, our split was inevitable. She is just looking for somewhere to place the blame other than where it lies, with us," Edward assured me.

"Maybe," was the only response I could manage.

"Listen, don't worry about Tanya. She is harmless mostly, and she doesn't want shit with you. I think more than anything you intimidate her," Edward added.

"Ha, I bet," I laughed.

"So new topic, you ready for tomorrow?" Edward asked.

"I guess is there something in particular I should be ready for?"

"That's right; you've never been shopping with Alice before. We should probably get you to bed so you can keep up," Edward suggested.

"And what do you get to do while I get dragged around the mall by the pixie on speed?" I asked.

"I don't know it varies, we usually find something **manly** to do while the girls do their thing and we meet up with them later," Edward posed showing off his muscles when he said manly.

_God he's a dork. __**A dork you want to jump right now. **_Instead I just laughed as I got up to head back up to our room.

When we got back to our room, it was quiet. _Thank god._ Edward flipped the TV back on searching for something to watch. We ended up jumping around the music channels. We found that we had a lot of the same likes in music. We were both leaning against the arms of the couch facing each other as we talked into the early morning hours. Eventually one or both of us passed out. I don't know who fell asleep first, but I do remember waking up sometime in the pre-dawn hours to find myself snuggled against Edward's chest with his arms wrapped around me.

I felt safe and warm. The TV was off and Edward was snoring lightly as he held me close. I wasn't sure how we ended up in this position but I happy to be in it. I snuggled into his warmth, drawing in his amazing scent. I couldn't help but sleepily chuckle at my absurdity. I swear as I was dozing off again I felt his lips press into the top of my head and his arms tighten around me.

I was having the strangest dream. I heard a high tinkling laugh, followed by a shushing sound. I couldn't see anything. I could hear whispers but I could not make out what was being said. When I felt my pillow shift and moan my eyes flashed open to see six sets of eyes looking back at me.

"Wha..." I said, before recognizing the owners of those eyes. I slowly took in the scene around me remembering where I was and who I was sleeping with. I flinched away from Edward falling off the couch. The thud and corresponding "ow" woke Edward.

"What the hell guys?" Edward asked still half asleep.

"If anyone should be asking 'what the hell' it's me. So tell me Eddie, what the hell did you do with my sister last night? Why did we find you two snuggled up in a tangle of limbs this morning?" Em asked.

I could feel the heat of the blood rushing to my face. I don't know why I was so embarrassed; it was obvious from the matching smirks on everyone's faces that Em was just messing with Edward.

Edward looked from Em to me to everyone else back to me with a horrified expression. "I didn't, we didn't, nothing happened," Edward stumbled through his response.

I don't know what hurt worse, my ass or my ego. _Would it really be so horrible if we did do something together? **Apparently Edward thinks so.**_

"Don't get your panties in a bunch Eddie, Em knows nothing happened between us 'cause he knows nothing will **ever** happen between us," I picked myself up off the floor, grabbed my bag and headed to the bathroom. I needed any excuse to get out of the room.

I heard murmurs through the door trying my best to ignore them I brushed my teeth before getting into the shower. I don't know why I was so upset by the whole thing, but I allowed myself to cry for just a minute while I showered. Angry that Edward could have such an effect on me I pulled myself together and finished getting ready.

When I finally immerged from the bathroom only Alice and Rose were in the room waiting for me.

"You hungry? Everyone in waiting for us in the restaurant," Alice asked.

"I could eat, but what I could really kill for is coffee," I answered.

"Late night?" Rose asked smirking while we waited for the elevator.

"Yeah, between the rough rider over there," I nodded at Alice, "and your boisterous monkey lovin' I was forced to flee the room until the prono soundtrack concluded."

The three of us continued laughing as we made our way to breakfast. We settled our laughter as we took our seats at the table. Thankfully I was able to take a seat between Em and Alice. As we ate our breakfast we made our plans for the day. The guys were taking off to Experience Music Project and Science Fiction Museum while we hit Westlake Center to go shopping. If it wasn't for the fact that Edward would be with the guys I would have rather of gone with them, but as it was, I had a feeling I was going to have to avoid Edward for a while.

I couldn't even look at him. Just thinking about him made my chest hurt. I realize I am not a perfect, pretty, pom-pom toting pop tart but I didn't think the idea of being with me was so repulsive. After stewing through breakfast I followed everyone upstairs to collect our bags before we checked out of the hotel.

Alice sat in the front seat with Esme on the short ride to the mall. She was talking a mile a minute about everything she needed to get today, while Esme indulged her.

Rose leaned into the center of the car and whispered to me, "So you going to tell me what's up with you and Edward or do I get to fill in the blanks for myself?"

"There is nothing to tell was that not clear enough this morning," I answered though gritted teeth. I looked up to see Esme watching us through the rearview mirror.

"Whatever, you know Em will get it out of Edward and then he will tell me," Rose said with confidence.

"Em is welcome to water board Hoss for all I care, it won't change the fact that nothing happened nor will it," I said with finality.

As we exited the car Alice announced that first priority was homecoming dresses. I groaned realizing it was going to be a long, long day. _**It's not like you need a dress.**__ Thanks for reminding me._

I followed three over excited dames from store to store in search of the dresses Alice could see in her mind that would look perfect. As Esme and I sat in the dressing room of yet another store for Alice and Rose to emerge showing off the possibilities.

"I love my boys. Most people assume Emmitt is lacking in intelligence but he has always been more perceptive and while Edward is brilliant he can be absolutely dense sometimes," Esme said.

I couldn't help but chuckle at the description of Edward, it sounded very similar to what he said about me earlier this week.

"You know Emmitt told me the day he met Rose that she was the girl he was going to marry some day. He waited until she finally saw him to tell her how he felt about her. It took five years, he was her friend, silent protector and champion until the day she opened her eyes to what was right in front of her. Yes they are young but I have no doubt that one day they will make it official and Rose will be my daughter," Esme explained.

I had to smile, because I knew she was right. Em and Rose could not be more different but together they worked. I could see their beautiful babies; his adorable dimples and curly locks in her golden corn silk color with vivid blue eyes.

"I think you're right," I agreed.

"But Edward, well I think it was really hard on him to watch as his brother and Alice, who may as well be his sister, found such strong relationships so young. He convinced himself that there was something wrong with him, that he was unworthy of the same kind of love. It broke my heart to see him with Tanya, he gravitated to her out of loneliness and maybe I'm bias but I never felt like she cared about him the way he deserved to be cared for," Esme paused before asking, "can I ask you a question?"

I nodded.

"What makes you so sure there is nothing there between you two?"

"Trust me; he has been nothing short of clear about how he feels about me since day one. After Em's pleas for us to work on getting along we have been attempting to forge a friendship, but even that seems too difficult for us most of the time," as I answered I felt my eyes well with tears.

"Oh sweetie," Esme put her arms around me, "I didn't meant to upset you. I just wanted to tell you not to shut the door on the possibility just yet, give it time and everything will work out the way it should."

_I wished I could believe her. I wanted to believe her._

I didn't get the chance to talk to Esme further because Alice huffed out of the changing room yelling for Rose to follow because the dresses weren't here and we had many more stores to go to find them.

I couldn't have been more excited when Carlisle called for us to meet them at Wild Ginger for an early dinner before heading back to Forks. I was shopped out, thankfully Alice and Rose were able to find their perfect dresses and accessories before he called or they would never have agreed. I spent the rest of the time after they found what they were looking for repeatedly telling them I was not, under any circumstances going to the homecoming dance. Carlisle will forever be a saint in my book for saving me.

I was exhausted when we reached the restaurant. Dinner much like every other meal with this family was loud, everyone talking over someone else. Again I diligently avoided talking to or looking at Edward.

After dinner we piled into the cars for the long drive home. Once again Edward and I sat in the far back although neither of us acknowledged the other. Alice and Em tried for the first hour to convince me I **had** to go to homecoming. Thankfully I was able to hold my ground better than Charlie because they gave up after about an hour. With each couple wrapped up in their own conversations I leaned as far away from Edward as the car would allow and watched through the darkness as the constant green passed by the window.

By the time we pulled into Forks Edward and I may as well be on separate continents for all the distance that existed between us. As far as we had come in the last week we were suddenly further apart than we had been since before we'd met.

As I was lying in bed I was so lonely and alone compared to the night before. Like many of my nights lately it was another restless night's sleep. I was haunted by green eyes all night.

When I woke Sunday morning I was even more determined to rid myself of the ache in my chest and the feeling of loneliness. I showered quickly and barely gave a quick recap of the trip to Charlie and Renee before heading out. I knew exactly where I was going and why. I knew it was probably a mistake and I convinced myself it was the only way to get rid of how I was feeling.

As I drove down the long driveway I suddenly felt nervous. I hoped my showing up unannounced would not be a problem as I parked. I walked up the steps to the front porch and knocked on the door. I couldn't have been more relieved when I saw his familiar eyes smile with delighted surprise as he looked me over.

**Thank you to all of you who are reading this story. Please leave me a review, let me know what you** **like or hate, what works or needs work. I welcome the good and the bad. I do have the remainder of the story pretty well outlined, however right now I am undecided as to whether it should have a HEA or not. I know most FF do but I am so tempted to take it away. Anyway until next week, please review and I hope you enjoyed. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Please remember, this is my first fanfic. I do apologize if there are typos, grammatical errors and malapropism, I try to catch them but inevitably some slip by. There may be a few more than normal this chapter I proofed at the airport while listening to my iPod trying to drown out overhead announcements.**

**As always the story and characters of Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended with this story.**

"I didn't expect to find you at my door this morning" James said as he stood in front of me with a smirk and his arms crossed over his chest.

"Yeah, I was in the neighborhood. I was hoping you had some free time…" I trailed off leaving the suggestion open to interpretation.

"Baby, I can make time for you. You want to come in?" James asked.

_'Baby' really? _Trying really hard not to roll my eyes I accepted his invitation.

"Your folks around?" I asked.

"Nope," James said as he continued walking leading me to his room.

As soon as we entered his room, James' hands were at my waist backing me up towards his bed. He had a predatory look on his face as he maneuvered me.

_God this place is a sty, I hope I don't get a fungus just being in here. __**You wanted this remember.**__ What I want is for the ache and loneliness to go away. __**You don't have to do this.**__ Maybe not but I will._

James excitedly pulled my shirt over my head, unbuttoning my jeans and sliding them down my legs before I sat on the edge of his bed to undo his. I pushed them down as he stepped out of them. I scooted myself back on his bed as he followed me.

James immediately attacked my chest. There was nothing loving about his touch just pure lust. I bit down on my lip to keep from moaning out too loud as he suckled my left breast roughly before biting on the nipple and moving to the other side.

In response to the pain he brought to me I tweaked his nipple harshly. I felt more than heard his growl as he slammed his hips against me.

I tugged at his boxers asking, "condom?"

"Yeah, top drawer of the nightstand," James murmured against my skin as he trailed his mouth down my torso.

As he made his decent down my body he took my panties with him. I reached fumbling through the drawer beside me until I came up with a condom. I palmed it as James dove into my core.

James lapped at my nether-lips twice before attacking my clit. He immediately shoved two fingers into me pumping away aggressively. It was about this time that I realized James had a thing for biting as he bit down on my clit.

I yelped propping myself up on my elbows to watch him. While I couldn't see his mouth, I could tell he was smiling at me. Desperate to regain some control over the situation, I sat up as did James. I pushed him back gripping his engorged cock. Without warning I swallowed as much of him as I could fit, leaving my hand to encircle what was left over.

James hissed as I grazed my teeth along his shaft on my upward passes. I released his dick, with a popping sound before nipping at the thick vein underneath with my teeth.

"Gngh, fuck, I need to feel you. I want to be inside you, baby please I can't, I need you now."

I tore into the condom wrapper rolling it down his shaft expertly before positioning myself over him. I was planning on easing myself on to him but James grabbed my hips and impaled me. James moaned as he threw his head back. I recovered quickly from the shock of his invading cock. As I rode him as he matched me thrust for thrust.

"I want…ugh…I want…grrna…bend over," James eventually spit out.

I got on all fours with my ass taunting his dick until he grabbed hold of my hips pounding at me ensuring I would be sore. It was obvious he was not going to bring me to orgasm on his own so I licked my fingers and began rubbing myself.

"Are you…" James started to ask.

"Getting myself off? Yes, just don't stop yet."

"So fucking hot," James leaned over me licking my shoulder before he bit down hard as he came. I yelled out in pain as teeth bore down on my skin.

"What the fuck?" I asked.

"It's your fault, watching you touch yourself while I was fucking you was too fucking hot. Don't act like you didn't like it from the look of your fading bruises you like it rough," James said as he climbed off of me smacking my ass as he stood and walked out of the room.

The sex wasn't familiar, like with James. I was trying to fuck the loneliness away and he was…well he was just fucking and it was over quickly. I didn't feel less lonely; I didn't even feel sexually satisfied; I did feel shame.

_What the fuck did I do? __**You fucked James.**__ What was I thinking? __**You're on your own with that one. **_I grabbed my clothes and started dressing.

"I take it Cullen didn't satisfy you this weekend?"

My head snapped up to see James leaning against the frame of his door with a smug look on his face.

"Fuck you" I answered.

"You just did, but if you want another go…" James chuckled as he walked closer.

"It wasn't an offer," I spit out as I pulled my shirt on over my head.

"What, it's a legitimate question. He dumped Tanya to get into your pants; he even took you on your little date night, following you around kissing your ass at school before whisking you away for the weekend. I thought for sure he would have branded you with the Cullen crest by now." James said with barely veiled hate.

"What are you talking about? We haven't gone on any dates, and **he** didn't take me anywhere." I said standing toe to toe with James.

"You two sure looked cozy at the diner last week and I saw you leaving with the twat and the midget Friday so I know you went with him to Seattle. Let me guess, the good doctor and his wife put you guys up in a fancy hotel while they acted like one big happy Brady Bunch family. They are a fucked up lot if you ask me." James said.

"I didn't ask, you're the fucked up one; these people were your friends. How can you talk about them like this?" I asked disgusted at myself for having had sex with him.

"Do you expect me to believe that they didn't tell you to stay away from big bad James? I'm sure they have said worse about me."

"Actually they refuse to tell me what you did to make them hate you so much. If right now is any indication I don't blame them, you're a dick." I said backing away from him to find my shoes.

"And you're a slut. Don't go acting all high and mighty with me. You came to me. Look around babe, it may be Sunday morning but this isn't a church and you got exactly what you came for."

"Fuck you," I yelled as I pushed passed him to leave.

James was laughing as he called out after me, "anytime babe, you know where to find me."

I got in my car and sped away. I drove until I reached the edge of town before pulling off the road. I let my tears overtake me. As I sat in my car alone, again, I sobbed openly. I was pissed at James for being such a douche bag. I was pissed at Rose for not giving me a good enough reason to stay away from James. I was pissed at Alice for convincing Charlie to let me go with them this weekend. I was pissed at Edward for getting so close to me before crushing me. Most of all I was pissed at myself for fucking James, for not trusting Rose, for blaming Alice for something not at all her fault, and for having feelings for Edward that would never be returned.

Eventually I pulled myself together and drove back into town. I pulled up to Mocha Motion to get some comfort coffee. As I sat waiting for my drink there was a knock at my passenger window. Startled I looked up to see bright blue eyes and a warm smile. I tried my best to put a smile on my face as I leaned over to roll down the window.

"Morning Jasper," I said sounding like I had a cold I was stuffed up from my cry.

Japer's smile instantly faded as he took in my appearance, "Jasper opened the door and climbed in my car, "whatever you're having, you better make it two. You look like you could use a friend right now."

"Thanks Jasper, but you don't have too. I'm sure you were on your way to do something…" I trailed off at the end.

"Nonsense, so what are we having?" Jasper asked.

Shaking my head I took the drink handed to me and ordered another. I passed the coffee to Jasper.

"Wow that is tasty but strong. I guess I didn't really need to sleep for the rest of the week" Jasper joked.

I just laughed.

"What's in it?" Jasper asked.

"Four shots of espresso, hazelnut syrup and soy milk, the vanilla flavor from the soy milk and the hazelnut make it sweet; the espresso makes it the best latte ever." I replied.

When I was handed my drink I took a sip with a genuine 'aah' after. I set my drink in my cup holder and drove forward before asking Jasper, "what now?"

"Well there is a park just up the road we could go there, I'm here to listen so where ever you feel most comfortable," Jasper said.

Not really wanting to drive around a whole lot I drove to the park. We didn't get out of the car I just parked the car and picked up my drink. After I had taken a few sips in silence Jasper spoke.

"I listen a lot better when you speak out loud," he joked.

"I know, I just don't know what to say," I said look over at him.

"Just start at the beginning," Jasper encouraged.

"That's part of the problem, I don't know where it started," I said sadly.

"Does this have to do with yesterday?" Jasper asked.

"I guess in a way it does but no," I said realizing that I wasn't making much sense.

Jasper smiled, "ok, how about I talk first and you join in when you need to?"

"Ok."

"I know your upset with Edward; you were practically silent the whole way home as was he. You seemed fine when we went to bed Friday night, but you had shut down by the time breakfast rolled around. So what happened between then?"

"Nothing happened," I cringed as I said the words that reiterated what upset me so much.

"Did you want something to happen?" Jasper asked.

_Damn, the blond bastard is more perceptive than I thought._

"Ok, here's the deal, nothing said today leaves this car, agreed?" I said waiting for Jasper to confirm.

"Of course."

"No, nothing happened and I didn't want anything to happen at the time. Things between Edward and I are so…complicated. We were finally getting along and actually talking without pissing each other off. We dosed off watching TV, when I woke up I was surprised to find myself in his arms. I was still processing that when he gave me that look," I said pausing.

"What look?" Jasper asked confused.

"He looked horrified at the idea of something happening between us. Granted I know I piss him off, but I didn't think I was that repulsive. I just…it hurt more that it should have to realize that he wouldn't want that. I guess I was pouting yesterday as I let it sink in that Edward wasn't interested. I'm embarrassed that I have feelings for him that he doesn't return, I am frustrated that I allowed myself to have feeling for him," I admitted.

"What makes you think he doesn't feel the same way?"

"Did you not see the look on his face when Em suggested that he had done something with me? We are all lucky he didn't vom all over the place?" I responded.

"Maybe you misinterpreted his response," Jasper offered.

"Maybe, but I doubt. The only reason he has been making an effort to get along with me is because Em demanded it of both of us," I told Jasper.

"I'm not going to argue with you but, just consider that you may be wrong. Maybe he was embarrassed that you guys were caught in what could look like a compromising position?" Jasper asked.

"That doesn't make it any better. He is sweet and caring with me when it is just him and I, but around everyone else he barely acknowledges my presence. Does he find me so unsuitable that he would need to keep his friendship with me his dirty little secret?"

"That's not what I meant, maybe he was embarrassed by the fact that you two were enjoying an intimate moment and the rest of his family was standing around watching like it was cable TV, maybe he was afraid you were going to get upset with him and pull away, maybe he was giving you space while you ignored him because you crushed **him** when you declared nothing will ever happen between you guys?" Jasper proposed.

"That's a lot of maybes none of which seem plausible," I replied.

Jasper shook his head at me, muttering about me being stubborn, "So is this whole debacle between you two what had you up early and crying today?"

"No, not exactly, I made a huge mistake," I stopped not sure I could explain to Jasper why I went to James this morning. Jasper just waited patiently as I tried to decide what to say.

"I know you all warned me that James was bad news but he had been pretty nice to me. I mean it's not like we talked a whole lot but he made me feel less lonely when he was around. We made out several times last week and it was nice to feel wanted. I couldn't sleep last night I just keep thinking about Edward and how we went from whatever we were to nothing in a matter of hours. Yes I was ignoring him yesterday but it's not like he tried to talk to me either, you know?"

"I'm confused is this about James or about Edward?" Jasper asked.

"Yes, because I am a dumbass whore apparently. I went to James this morning hoping to plug-up the hole in my chest and put an end to the feelings I have for Edward. I…we had sex. It was awful…not the sex…well that wasn't good either, but it was how he acted. After it was over he started saying things about Edward and the rest of you guys. When I defended you guys to him he called me a slut and I walked out."

"Bella," Jasper said taking hold of my hand.

"Don't 'Bella' me. He's right. I am. I only went to his house to have sex with him. I wanted to have sex with him for stupid reasons, hell I barely know the guy. I've probably talked to you more in the last twenty minutes than I talked to him in the entire time I've known him. I just wanted to…I needed to not feel how I feel, but it only made it worse 'cause now there is all this guilt and I **feel** like a slut. This isn't me," I couldn't continue talking anymore; the tears were back along with the sobs.

Jasper reached over and wrapped his arms around me, "shh-shh, it's ok, everything is going to be alright sweetheart. I know it doesn't feel like it right now but you're going to be ok."

"I don't believe you," I muttered through my tears.

Jasper chuckled pulling away to look at me, "it will, now take a sip of your energy drink."

I did as he requested using a napkin to wipe up my face.

"Better?" Jasper asked, I nodded my head before he continued, "the way I see it you have a choice to make. You can be honest and tell Edward how you feel or you can continue ignoring him."

"That's easy, I chose to ignore him," I said sounding like a petulant child.

Jasper rolled his eyes.

"Is it easy? Hiding your feelings and ignoring him is what led you to seek out James, is this easier?" Jasper asked brushing a tear away from my cheek.

"No, but I can't tell him how I feel, especially now after what I did. I wanted to be with James to put an end to the feelings I have for Edward but all it did was assure that we will never want to be with me," I said with silent tears running down my face.

"Why, if you two would just pull your heads out of your asses there is no reason you guys couldn't be together?"

"Really," I said sarcastically, "cause someone as beautiful and amazing as Edward, who could have anyone he wanted would totally go for the chick that fights with him regularly, the chick that the idea of being with her is repulsive before he knows that she just happened to fuck his ex-best-friend now enemy. I bet he has been wishing for a girl like me for years."

"I know you're upset but you're wrong. He deserves to decide for himself what he wants, and you owe it to yourself to be honest about your feelings. I'm not saying you have to run to him and profess your undying love, just tell him how you felt about yesterday. Let him explain his actions and tell his side of the story," Jasper implored.

"I don't think I can do that, at least not right now." Jasper continued staring at me until I conceded, "I'll think about it."

"I guess that's all I can ask, keep your head up kid."

I nodded at Jasper before starting my car and heading back to Mocha Motion to drop Jasper off.

"Thanks for listening; I really needed to get a lot of that off my chest. Please keep this between us, I don't want anyone else knowing about James or my feelings for Edward," I begged.

"I won't tell a soul, but please just think about talking to Edward," Jasper said as he got out of the car.

I stopped at the grocery store to get the ingredients for lasagna. I was determined to spend the rest of Sunday not thinking about Edward. When I got home I caught up on my homework before going downstairs to make dinner for my parents. After dinner I offered to clean the kitchen, Charlie gladly accepted as he plopped down in front of the TV.

Renee helped me silently for a few minutes before asking, "you want to talk about whatever it is you're avoiding?"

"Nope," I responded as I continued scrubbing.

Other than the occasional sigh from Renee we finished in silence.

I went to bed that night knowing that I would at least have to play a part tomorrow. I couldn't completely ignore Edward or Em might insist on group therapy. I was determined to stuff my feelings for Edward in a box and bury it.

That's exactly what I did. I talked to Edward as much as was socially necessary. I resumed eating lunch with the rest of the gang but always chose my seat as far away from Edward as possible. Jasper gave me meaningful stares often, but I always shook my head at him. I wasn't ready to deal with or talk to Edward, I doubted I ever would. Edward wasn't the only person I was avoiding. I made sure I was always with someone knowing that James wouldn't approach me when I was surrounded by his former friends.

Thursday night everyone came to my house for pizza and so that Charlie and Renee would get the opportunity to get to know everyone a little better. I don't know if I was glad or hurt when Edward had a lot of homework to get done for Friday and opted out. I was sure that wasn't possible seeing as we had all but one class together and I didn't have much. _Guess I'm not the only one avoiding._

The guys had a bye this weekend so they planned a sleepover at Emmitt's house. I was not really looking forward to another sleep over with the hump happy couples especially since I couldn't turn to Edward for moral support. But I was playing a part, and it required that I would want to spend time with my friends.

I was surprised when Charlie didn't have an issue with me spending the night at the Cullens'. After spending time with Em he realized that he had nothing to worry about. Em saw me as his sister and is clearly devoted to Rose. Jasper is obviously in love with Alice and has eyes for no one else and I guess he assumed if Edward didn't even bother showing up he probably wasn't interested in me either.

As I drove to the Cullens' house Friday evening I couldn't help but dread what was to come. To prolong the inevitable I stopped for gas. While I was pumping, James approached me.

"What's the matter, don't you miss me?" he taunted.

"No, feel free to go fuck yourself," I answered putting the gas pump back in place to leave as quickly as possible.

"Aww, don't be like that baby. Whatcha' doing tonight?" James asked as he trapped me against my car with his arms on either side of me.

"None of your business, now if you'll excuse me I'm leaving," I said pushing on his chest.

"You know you're going to need me again, a girl like you can't go too long without. From the way things have cooled off between you and Cullen, I take it he wasn't interested in my sloppy seconds. I don't see why not, Emmitt didn't seem to mind," the smirk on his face as he said this made me want to puke.

"Listen fuck-face, leave me alone," I seethed at him as I shoved him again.

I got in my car peeling out as I drove away. Once the gas station was no longer in my rearview mirror I slowed and rolled down my window to allow the cold night air to calm me taking several deep breaths. By the time I pulled up at the Cullens' my cheeks were rosy from the cold but I was calmer.

Before I could knock on the door an eight-five pound bundle of energy rushed me. "Bella you're here, finally. What took you so long? You're freezing; did you walk all the way here? Come on I want to show you around, Rose is already up in my room we've only been waiting forever," Alice said while dragging me along behind her.

I didn't bother responding because I've come to realize Alice doesn't actually want answers when she is talking a mile a minute. During the rushed tour of the downstairs I waved at Emmitt and Jasper as they snickered at the whirlwind dragging me past them. Alice didn't stop till we were in her room.

From what blurred past me during my tour I could tell that the house was expertly decorated and Alice's room was no different. Rose was on the bed, she put down the magazine she was reading as I dropped on to the bed next to her. Alice had flitted off to the bathroom for supplies.

"You ready to be beautified al la Alice?" Rose asked.

"Not really, do I have too?" I asked attempting the Forks' puppy dog eyes.

I must not have gotten it right because Rose just laughed. Alice I watched with curious fascination as Alice brought out the enough beauty supplies to open her own Saphora.

Thankfully she didn't have the chance to start on me when Jasper walked into her room announcing dinner was here. Alice jumped on him demanding that he carry her downstairs.

"Of course my darling, Bella would you be a dear and grab Edward from his room," Jasper gave me a meaningful look.

"Um, ok but I don't know where his room is," I offered as an excuse.

"Upstairs the door on the right," Alice yelled as Jasper exited the room.

Rose had already left the room so I didn't have a choice but to find Edward. When I got to the third floor I hesitated outside of his room for several minutes. I could hear music coming from the room yet I knocked as softly as possible. When it didn't seem like he had heard me I knocked again more forcefully. Still nothing, I cautiously opened the door.

As I walked in I saw Edward lying on a couch with his eyes closed. I couldn't help but snort at the familiar guitar opening of Puddle of Mudd's _She Hates Me_. I couldn't help but smile that we had a theme song that matched our relationship so perfectly. I could easily replace all the 'she's' with 'he' and it was perfect. I walked over to the stereo turning it off, he sat up immediately when the music was no longer filling the room.

"Sorry, I knocked but I guess you didn't hear me. Dinner is ready," I said turning to leave the room.

"That's it, you ignore me for a week and that's all you have to say," Edward said seeming angry.

"I haven't been ignoring you, I have made it a point to speak to you every single day this week," I said without making eye contact with him.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realize it was so tortuous to talk to me or spend time with me. I thought we had moved passed that last week, you didn't seem to mind my company last Friday night. I guess I'm only good for a distraction when your real friends are too busy for you," Edward spat at me.

"Screw you, you're the one that acted all repulsed by me," I said before I had time to think. Immediately I regretted saying anything. I turned toward the door to make my escape.

"Wait, what are you talking about, I didn't do anything," Edward said closing his door trapping me in his room.

"No, no, no. I can't do this and I won't hurt Emmitt by bringing all this to the surface, just leave it. I came up here to tell you dinner was here, I've done that and now I am leaving," I said opening the door.

"No of course you wouldn't want to hurt Emmitt, but you don't have a problem hurting me," Edward said under his breath.

I wouldn't have heard him if I wasn't passing right next to him as he said it. I cringed at the thought of hurting Edward before regaining my composure.

"You would have to care for me to hurt you," I said as I continued my retreat. _I'm a coward. __**Of epic proportions. **__And rubbing it in is helping me how? _

I ran down the two flights of stairs slowing just before I reached to voices in the dining room. Emmitt pulled me into the seat next to him, "Eat up shortie, you'll need your strength when I kick your ass tonight."

"It's good that you have goals Shrek, but maybe they should be more realistic," I teased.

"Whatever, if I'm Shrek you're Donkey," Emmitt said.

"You're not the first person to call me an ass," I laughed.

I saw Esme trying to hide her laugh behind her glass, but her expression quickly changed as a sulking Edward took his seat on the other side of her across from me. She gave him a sad reassuring expression as she patted his arm soothingly.

He didn't say a word as Esme picked up his plate and began serving him from the various takeout cartons. I continued exchanging jabs with Emmitt as he ate polished off all of the would-be leftovers. Every time I looked over at Edward he was pushing his food around his plate but it didn't look like he had actually eaten anything.

When dinner was over I helped Esme clear the table and started rinsing dishes.

"Sweetie, you don't have to do that. Go play," she ordered.

I couldn't help but smile at the suggestion, it made me feel like a little kid again, "Really you're doing me a favor by letting me help, Alice scares me."

We both laughed at my admission.

"Fair enough, but you realized she will get you eventually even if it is in your sleep," Esme warned.

"I guess I'll just have to sleep with one eye open," I said as we continued to work.

"You know he has been just miserable all week," Esme said.

"Huh, who's miserable?" I asked.

"Edward, you two should really - " Esme was cut short by Carlisle.

"I think that is something for them to figure out on their own, love, leave it be," Carlisle said with a pointed glance at Esme.

"I know, I'm sorry Bella I just hate seeing him like this," Esme said looking sad and dejected.

_I really am an ass. These people welcome me into their home and lives, maybe I need to work harder at pretending. __**Maybe you need to stop pretending all together and oh I don't know…BE HONEST!**_

"Why don't you join everyone else and I will help my beautiful wife finish up in here," Carlisle suggested.

"Um ok," I said awkwardly as I left the kitchen.

"Ok Bells, how do you want to be dominated; x-box, ping pong or Chutes and Ladders?" Emmitt asked.

Laughing I replied, "Chutes and Ladders, really? Why not Hi Ho Cherry-o?"

"Isabella this is a serious competition, a little decorum please," Emmitt said in with a matching serious tone.

I was still laughing at Emmitt when Alice spoke up, "There will be no games until girl-time is over."

I groaned, "Emmitt if you ever thought of me as your sister you will save me from the pint-sized terror."

"I'd love to sis, but frankly she scares me too," Emmitt whispered back.

"Funny, now get moving," Alice said as she pushed me back up the stairs.

We sat around Alice's room letting our masks set while once again trying to convince me to go to homecoming next week.

"I'm not going Al," I said with finality.

"You don't need to have a date; you could just go with us. It will be fun, this is the first dance that we will all go to together, but that won't happen if you don't go," Alice argued.

"I am not confident enough to go stag and I'm not crashing your couple-dom."

"You could always go with Edward, he doesn't have a date either," Rose suggested.

I was glaring at Rose while Alice squealed with delight, "That's perfect."

"No. Not perfect. Not happening and we are not talking about this anymore," I said.

Alice bit her lip obviously wanting to say more. After we washed the crusted masks from our faces we moved on to nails. Filing and buffing I noticed Alice and Rose exchanging glances.

"Alright, spit it out and it better not be about homecoming," I demanded.

"What are you talking about?" Alice asked with faux-innocence.

Rolling my eyes I pointed between the two of them, "What's with the looks?"

"It's nothing…we were just…you guys looked so cute together…and then you…and he's been so grumpy…" Alice babbled.

Rose interrupted her incoherent half statements, "Oh for crying out loud, what happened with Edward?"

Alice was looking at me sheepishly while Rose waited for my response.

"I already told you Rose nothing happened."

"Bull shit, you can't even look at him and he wouldn't be all emo if nothing happened," Rose said.

Before I could answer Emmitt barreled through the door announcing, "Girly time is over, it's my turn with Bella."

With his announcement Em threw me over his shoulder and walking out of the room. I have never been more thankful for Emmitt in my whole life. He saved me from a very awkward conversation.

"Thank you, a million times thank you!"

Emmitt laughed as we bounded down the stairs.

"You owe me one kid," Emmitt said as he dropped me on the couch, "So have you decided how I am going to kick your ass tonight?"

"Well because I wouldn't respect myself in the morning if I played Chutes and Ladders it is between x-box and ping pong."

"If you choose x-box I will even let you choose the game," Emmitt offered.

Scanning the stacks of games I smiled, "deal."

"Right on Smurfette, so what's it gonna be?"

"Gargamel, I think a Guitar Hero challenge is in order," I smirked.

I heard Edward snort from the other couch as Emmitt clapped and rubbed his hands together. "Jasper get some paper, you will keep score. We will each play the same five songs, Jazz will note our score and number of notes missed. In the end when the score is tallied I will reign supreme again."

After great debate we finally agreed on a single version of the game, Legends of Rock with our set list to include: The Rolling Stone – _Paint it Black_, Poison – _Talk Dirty to Me_, Beastie Boys –_Sabotage_, Pat Benatar – _Hit Me With Your Best Shot_ and Pearl Jam – _Even Flow_. Emmitt was sure of himself as he gave me a quick tutorial on how to play.

Everyone was gathered on the couches as we took turns playing each song. It was a rowdy affair with everyone cheering us on and singing along. After the first song I could see the worry in Emmitt's eyes. I couldn't help but smile as I took my seat. Emmitt looked adorable as his tongue was poking out of his mouth while he bit down on it in concentration.

In the end I beat him by three notes and fifteen hundred points, it was close.

"Get your butt to the basement, ping pong now," Emmitt ordered.

My snicker escaped me.

"Maybe you should give it a rest, try again another day," Esme said as she consoled her giant baby.

"Fine but we're not done you hustled me," Emmitt pouted.

"You said it was my choice, it's not my fault you assumed I had never played before," I said as I tried to hide my smile.

"Em, don't be a sore loser. You only suggested the x-box because you thought it would give you an advantage over her, she bested your attempts to best her," Carlisle said laughing.

"Whatever," Em said sitting down next to rose so that she could comfort his ego.

"Everyone go change, Across the Universe will be starting in T minus ten minutes," Alice demanded.

"Alright kids, we'll see you in the morning, be good, and Em don't burn the house down," Esme called over her shoulder as she and Carlisle walked up the stairs.

"Or break anything," Carlisle finished.

"one time…never forget it," Emmitt was muttering as he got up.

I noticed that Edward had not yet gotten up but to chicken to be left alone with him I jumped up and ran up the stairs before Jasper and Alice could leave the room.

When I returned to the living room Alice was sitting on Jasper's lap with a bowl of popcorn. Edward was sprawled out on the floor in front of the couch. I was trying to plan my seat when Emmitt came running down the stairs with Rose slung over his shoulder. _He really is a caveman_.

He threw her down on the couch before climbing in behind her pulling her into his arms. I took a seat on the floor on the far end of the sofa where Jasper and Alice were sitting. I sat hugging my knees next to Edward's socked feet.

Shortly after the movie started I looked around the room to see Emmitt and Rose doing god knows what under a blanket and Jasper and Alice staring at each other longingly. Edward was lying on his side with his head propped up on his hand.

I stayed staring at the sleek angles of his jaw and the smooth feature of his face that was illuminated with a bluish tint from the TV. His body stretched out was long and lean but his shoulders broad and through his thin t-shirt I could make out his muscles. He was wearing a pair of pajama pants slung low on his waist showing off a hint of his iliac furrow. I licked my lips; it is easily the sexiest part of a man's body, certainly on the man before me. My eyes slowly traveled up his chest again.

I couldn't help the smile that preyed upon my face as I watched him mouth the words singing along to The Beatles. He must have felt me staring at him because he his green orbs met my gaze. Our eyes were locked I couldn't break away from his penetrating gaze, I felt exposed as if he was trying to look deeper beyond my eyes. As I felt the blush rise to my face I finally looked down. I didn't have the guts to look up at him.

I felt him nudge me with his foot as I tentatively raised my eyes to see him smile at me before turning his attention back to the screen. I couldn't help the smile that took over my face. I was such a girl sometimes.

As Jude was deported Emmitt and Rose snuck upstairs, Alice and Jasper quickly followed wishing Edward and I a good night after making Edward promise to show me to my room. I was beginning to see a pattern.

I was still sitting in my original position when Edward moved to sit beside me. He didn't say anything instead he just mimicked my position. I tried to ignore the fact that the hotness monster was sitting right next to me, so close I could feel the warmth radiating from his body. I wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch him but I wasn't willing to risk the rejection that would inevitably come with daybreak.

Refocusing my attention on the movie I found myself singing softly to _Hey Jude_. I felt him staring at me, embarrassed I looked over at him. For the second time tonight I found myself pulled into those eyes.

"I love your blush," Edward said as he gently drew a finger down my cheek. I didn't answer, I didn't know how to answer; instead I continued staring into the deep green emeralds. I was still processing the residual tingling sensation where he trailed his finger across my skin.

As _All You Need is Love_ cued the end of the move I closed my eyes breaking our connection. _I need to stop now, it will only hurt in the morning when remembers it's just me. This is all about proximity, he is lonely and I am here. It's not about me it's about a warm body, he doesn't want you._

After reminding myself that I finally spoke, "it's pretty late I think I will head to bed."

"Sure just give me a minute to turn everything off and I will show you the way," Edward responded getting up.

"You don't need to do that I'm sure I could find my way," I said quickly.

"Don't be silly I promised Alice and your room is right across the hall from mine so I'm going that way anyway," Edward informed me.

With all the lights turned off it was dark in the room, I felt rather than saw when Edward joined me at the bottom of the stairs. His hand felt warm and that nagging feeling I had been carrying around with me since last Saturday was gone. Without a word he took my hand and led the way. When we got to the third floor he opened the door opposite his flipping on the light.

"So here you are, the bathroom is right through that door he pointed across the room, there is a small linen closet in there with fresh towels. If you need anything you know where to find me," he finished with a smile.

"Thanks, I'm sure I'll be fine."

Edward nodded at me cupping my cheek as his thumb grazed my cheekbone. I couldn't help but lean into his touch my eyes closing with content. The loneliness I felt all week dissipated along with the ache in my chest.

"Good night Bella, sleep well," he whispered as he pressed his lips into my forehead.

I felt my knees go weak; I wanted nothing more than to wrap my body around his. In the moment I felt like he wanted me too, but I was not willing to enjoy his comfort tonight only to have him appalled by me tomorrow.

"Good night Edward," I forced the words out refusing to open my eyes they sounded cold even to my ears.

With a sigh Edward released my face and walked away. With every step I heard him take the loneliness and ache returned. I allowed myself to open my eyes as I heard his door close. Finally letting out the breath I had been holding I instantly missed his presence. I welcomed the feeling as I wrapped my arms around myself, I did the right thing. It was the only way to protect my heart from further destruction.

I slid down the door hugging my knees to my chest while I cried. After a few moments, determined to pull myself together I wiped away the quiet tears that spilt over my cheeks, I pulled myself together. Grabbing my toothbrush and toothpaste I opened the door to the bathroom to find Edward spitting into the sink.

"Sorry," is said surprised to find him in the room.

After rinsing Edward smiled, "its ok I probably should have mentioned it was an adjoining bathroom."

I nodded looking to the open door to his bedroom, "I was just going to," I held up my toiletries, "I'll come back in a few minutes."

"Nonsense, I'm about done and there is another sink. I don't bite I promise," Edward said smiling at me through the mirror.

I cringed at the mentioning of biting, it reminded me of another reason why I would never be with the god-like creature before me. I looked away focusing on my eyes on the sink as I brushed my teeth. I could feel Edward watching me. As I finished Edward handed me a hand towel.

"Thanks," I muttered into the towel.

"Why do I always feel like I say the wrong thing with you?" Edward asked leaning against the counter.

"Right back at you," I said finally looking at him.

Taking in my appearance Edward took a step closer to me, "were you crying?"

"No, my eyes leak late at night," I responded turning away.

"Why do you do that? Why won't you let me in?" Edward asked almost pleading.

"I…you don't really want in. You say you do now, but as soon as the sun comes up you'll give me that look. I can take that look again and you're right to feel that way," I said staring at his chest because I couldn't bring myself to look into his eyes.

I listened as he took several deep breaths, but the silence was too oppressive so I turned to walk out of the bathroom.

"Stop, I'm not letting you walk away this time," Edward said clasping on to my hand. "Obviously I missed something huge between us. I'm not letting you go until you at least explain to me how we got here."

Sighing in defeat I spoke slowly without turning around to look at him, "you have no idea how aghast your face was when we woke up Saturday. It made it clear we were on very different pages. I…I can't…it's too much. I can't look into your eyes everyday and pretend I don't have feelings for you, feelings that aren't returned and shouldn't be. I'm not trying to be a jerk I'm just treading water here."

I tried to pull my hand out of his grasp but he only tightened his grip, "Bella."

I didn't turn around or acknowledge him in anyway. I just wanted to get away, I felt exposed.

"Bella please look at me," he begged.

Stubborn as ever I stayed frozen in place. Edward walked around me bending his knees so that he was at my eye level; he used his free hand to lift my chin.

"You're wrong, you couldn't be more wrong," he said in a soothing voice as he wiped the tears from my face.

Even though I wanted to believe him I couldn't. He seemed to see the doubt in my eyes.

"Bella, I meant what I said; I think you are amazing and beautiful. I crave your company. Even if you're ignoring me I still want to be around you. Nothing makes me happier than seeing you alive with laughter, I wish you would let me be the one to make you laugh but as long as you're happy I'm happy. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since the moment I met you. Last Friday I enjoyed the best night of my life and it was all because you let me hold you. I have never felt more complete than I did with you in my arms watching you sleep," Edward declared never once breaking eye contact with me.

"Why then, why did you look at me with such disgust in the morning?" I asked as the tears were falling down my face. It really didn't matter that I had it all wrong. It didn't matter that we could have had a chance if I had only talked to him before running to James. I fucked up.

"And you call me a sensitive Sally, I was worried about you. I know they are a lot to take in and I'm used to them. We didn't exactly talk about what was happening between us I didn't want to scare you off announcing my feelings for you in front of the whole family. I didn't want to do it in a bathroom either, but I can't, no, I won't let you walk away," Edward said with determination.

Edward licked his lips as he reached for my face. He drew me in at a painfully slow pace. His eyes fell closed as his lips met my own. The kiss started soft but when my brain registered that I was finally kissing Edward, my free hand gripped his shirt pulling him closer to me. Edward let go of my other hand wrapping that arm around my waist eliminating any space between us. When he released my hand it found its way to the back of his neck weaving my fingers though his hair.

Our lips began to move together with greater fury, I opened my mouth inviting him in. I felt the groan in his chest as our tongues met and began caressing. The kiss was intense and sensual, everything I hoped for but nothing I deserved. Tears continued to fall as I realized this would probably be our first and only kiss. My lungs were screaming for air but the rest of my body didn't want the kiss to end.

Edward eventually broke the kiss resting his forehead against my own. We were both struggling to capture our breath.

With a smile on his face and his eyes still closed Edward whispered, "wow, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do that. It was worth the wait." He peppered my face with light kisses opening his eyes as he got to my tear stained face.

His smile faltered as he asked, "why are you crying?"

_I fucked it all up before it even started. I'm a slut. I'm a coward. I slept with James._ Any of those would have been an acceptable answer but I couldn't form the words. Instead I made yet another mistake I reached up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his.

"Stay with me," Edward said against my lips.

"Mmhmm," was the only response I could produce. It was enough; Edward swung me into his arms bridal style and walked me into his room.

He placed me gently on his bed before crawling in beside me. Ignoring the nagging feeling that it was going to hurt so much more when he rejected me later I poured every ounce of feeling into our kisses. At least when he walked away I would know that I had this one night to show him how much I cared about him.

As our kisses slowed, Edward began talking into my neck as he places pecks along my collarbone and behind my ears.

"Please don't shut me out again…tell me you won't run away again…just talk to me, give me a chance," Edward pleaded.

I could feel the tears again, "shh, just hold me." I couldn't promise him what he was asking for just like he couldn't promise he wouldn't walk away if he knew what I did last Sunday.

"As you wish," he quoted as he rolled over on his back drawing me into his arms.

I felt warm and safe, I felt complete, I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time, I felt like I was home. Breathing in his scent my eyes fluttered closed. As I drifted off to sleep, I felt Edward tighten his arms around me kissing the top of my head, "Thank you, sweet dreams."

When I woke up I was still wrapped up in Edward's arms. I lifted my head from his chest to find his green eyes watching me with amusement.

"Morning sleepy head," he smiled.

"Morning, so last night really happened?" I asked.

"Yes and I am unbelievable happy that it did," he said kissing the top of my head.

"Mmm," I smiled as I rested my head on his chest again.

"So, I was wondering how you want to approach this with everyone else?" Edward asked.

"Uh, I don't know. What do you suggest?"

"Well its not like it is possible to keep a secret from them for too long. If it were up to me I would go shouting from the roof tops that you're my girl."

I stiffened at the suggestion and he noticed.

"Or not," he said sounding dejected.

"It's not that, it's just…maybe we could ease them in to it, you know see how this goes before we go making any grand proclamations from atop structures," I said shyly.

"As you wish," Edward conceded.

"Shall I start referring to you as Wesley or the Dread Pirate Roberts? Had I known the secret to having you argue with me was kissing I would have done it a long time ago," I teased kissing his chin.

"I think Dread Pirate Roberts has a certain ring to it, as for kissing if you want to remain on my good side I suggest you kiss me properly," Edward said pulling me up.

I was more than happy to oblige. It started innocent enough but as our lips moved together fluidly I pulled his lower lip into my mouth sucking it lightly. He moaned with pleasure before rolling me over on my back attacking my neck. I felt like my whole body was on fire. The whole thing was very PG other than the fact that our bodies were pressed together without an inch of daylight between us.

Edward had just moved back up my neck mashing our lips together. I hummed with appreciation as his tongue met my own. They danced, caressing each other.

"Edward have you seen Bella, she's not…Oh my god!" Alice screeched.

Edward pulled away resting his head on mine. "Alice, can you give us a minute?" Edward asked with a smile playing at his lips.

"Oh my god, yes, sorry. Does this mean you're going to homecoming Bella?" Alice asked.

"Alice," Edward and I said at the same time.

"Sorry," Alice squeaked as she backed out of the room.

"Well so much for easing in to this," I groaned.

"I told you there are no keeping secrets around here." Edward kissed my nose, "we should probably go face the music before the rest of them come to sneak a peek for themselves."

**Happy Halloween! I hope you get all the treats you want this weekend. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, even if you didn't feel free to share your thoughts. Thanks for reading and please review.**


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